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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should someone who's been waiting longer than you at the bus stop always get on first?

397 replies

Letthebodieshitthefloor · 06/01/2022 07:34

The bus I take is essentially a coach, always plenty of seats even at busy hours.

This morning I approached the bus stop, a woman was already there, and I saw her glaring at me because I was standing in the bus stop rather than at the side.

She then let another woman on first who'd perhaps been there longer than she had, then got herself in front of me and looked at me making sure I wouldn't get on before she did.

It's all a bit petty really, the bus was almost empty, it's not going to go without you.

If there were a pregnant/vulnerable/elderly passenger getting on and I could see there weren't many seats left then I'd let them on first.

OP posts:
Billandben444 · 06/01/2022 08:22

In rural Hertfordshire, everybody gets on in order of arrival but you always let anyone with a walker on first.
In Enfield, people with manners queue and everybody else lurks in shop doorways and then there's a mad bundle to get on - pointed elbows an advantage.
In the barbers (with grandson), you note who came in after you and when they get up you say 'Oh, I think we were next.'
Yes, YWBU not to obey the bus-queue-code, I'm afraid.

MajorCarolDanvers · 06/01/2022 08:22

Yes it's called queuing

NearlyAHoarder · 06/01/2022 08:23

No I don't think so. Not always. It depends.

A year ago, the bus stopped beside me, right beside me, and I just stepped on.

To my surprise as I sat down (downstairs), the man who always gets on at the same stop and always sits downs stairs was giving me dagger looks.

I found that ridiculous. It's a commuter bus, I didn't want to slow down the process with a stepping aside after you gesture.

I was 50 he was about 55, I'm small, he's large.

Both going to work. Everybody on that bus is going to work and wants to get there quickly. It's one of those buses that doesn't stop at most bus stops.

I found that mindset really petty and egocentric but he obviously felt he had been wronged and let me know it.

I tried to let him know that I just wanted the bus to move quickly and he told me to fuck off. I said namaste. Kind of upsetting though, when you see somebody every day and they act like they would kill you for injuring their ego.

If I was at a bus stop and an elderly person came along after me, I'd let them on first regardless of whether I was there first or not.

rosesbythesea · 06/01/2022 08:24

Absolutely it should be who's there first gets on first with perhaps a few kindness related or disability exceptions, you could say everyone's going to get on so wait your turn.

I remember waiting for a bus and an old lady had been waiting in front of me and another old lady came up to the queue which so far only had me and the other lady in.

The 2nd lady said to the First Lady, excuse me I'm going to push in now got to think of the knees at this age, the one who was there first said no, let's do it on age how old are you, second lady said 83 to which the first one replied well I'm 87 so back behind me you go 😂

NearlyAHoarder · 06/01/2022 08:25

And there were always still spare seats at that stop. It was never a case where one was taken and the others not, not at that stop, it's too near the beginning of the route.

GreenFridays · 06/01/2022 08:26

@NearlyAHoarder

No I don't think so. Not always. It depends.

A year ago, the bus stopped beside me, right beside me, and I just stepped on.

To my surprise as I sat down (downstairs), the man who always gets on at the same stop and always sits downs stairs was giving me dagger looks.

I found that ridiculous. It's a commuter bus, I didn't want to slow down the process with a stepping aside after you gesture.

I was 50 he was about 55, I'm small, he's large.

Both going to work. Everybody on that bus is going to work and wants to get there quickly. It's one of those buses that doesn't stop at most bus stops.

I found that mindset really petty and egocentric but he obviously felt he had been wronged and let me know it.

I tried to let him know that I just wanted the bus to move quickly and he told me to fuck off. I said namaste. Kind of upsetting though, when you see somebody every day and they act like they would kill you for injuring their ego.

If I was at a bus stop and an elderly person came along after me, I'd let them on first regardless of whether I was there first or not.

Then you step back, as I have done on many many occasions. He may then say it’s fine, you go first, but again, you pushed in so it doesn’t matter that you’re the same age, same journey, etc etc, you lacked the basic manners!
AgathaMystery · 06/01/2022 08:28

@FourTeaFallOut

Of course the people who get there first go on the bus first. What are you, a savage?
This Smile
GreenFridays · 06/01/2022 08:28

Hahaha, definitely not in my rough part of SE London 😂

Hehe yep, definitely depends where. In leafy NW London, always. When I used to work in SE London, the concept of a queue was lost! My big handbag usually helped me to silently enforce “err, I was here first so I’m getting on first”!

GreenFridays · 06/01/2022 08:29

@FourTeaFallOut Don’t worry - the way you meant it clearly came across!

vivainsomnia · 06/01/2022 08:29

I didn't want to slow down the process with a stepping aside after you gesture
You mean a half a second gesture stopping people getting to work on time? That has to be the best excuse ever!

People who cut through queues tend to be the sane who always eat the most but then insisting on splitting the bill equally. They always are the one arriving late and thinking it's ok to go in front to pick the best seats and are convinced theres nothing wrong with their actions.

Selfish people with no manners.

2022WIP · 06/01/2022 08:29

@Letthebodieshitthefloor where do you live?

In London there's about 20 people waiting to get on my bus stop. It would take forever if we all faffed and tried to work out who arrived first!

Whoever the bus stops right in front of cars on first!

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 06/01/2022 08:29

Absolutely. It's called a queue.

My local bus stop is always packed. For some unfathomable reason people form queues in 2 directions. Then when the bus pulls up its a bit of a free for all. I always make a mental note of who was there before me and let them on first. If they are in the "other" queue I've actually had people walk around me from the queue I'm in to get on. It's very odd.

RicherThanYew · 06/01/2022 08:30

God Bless British culture Grin if you don't adhere to the beloved queue culture you risk the awesome power of the glare, or even worse, the TUT!

Lalliella · 06/01/2022 08:32

The British thing to do is queue. The other day I queued up behind some people who weren’t even in a queue! They were just stood near a queue having a chat. I did this because I’m not a savage 😂

BDavis · 06/01/2022 08:32

It’s 100% bus etiquette!! You pay attention to who was there before you, allow them on and then you go UNLESS someone arrives after you that you can see tops you in the priority list due to being elderly/pregnant/vulnerable etc. In that situation I would always allow them to go before me if someone at the front of the queue hadn’t already.

It’s just the unspoken rules of the bus - along with not sitting next to a stranger if there are other rows empty, not taking an aisle seat and using the window seat for your bag, and saying thanks to the driver before you get off Grin

LadyNell · 06/01/2022 08:32

Just manners isn't it really if someone's there before you, I don't think it's petty at all there should be some sort of order or if everyone did it there would be a free for all

sqirrelfriends · 06/01/2022 08:33

I had no idea about this! I think I might be a CF Blush

StCharlotte · 06/01/2022 08:34

I reckon she glared at you because she could read your mind and knew that you had questioned The Order...

NearlyAHoarder · 06/01/2022 08:35

And I have too. I step back when it's appropriate, when the other person is elderly.

But the OP's question contained the word ''always''. And no, the other person shouldn't always get on first.

In the case of the man I mentioned, we both got that bus every morning, we both know it's an express bus, we both know that there is never an issue with getting a seat. I had a choice of seats downstairs, he had his choice of seats upstairs.

The whole point of queueing is to make sure that the person who's been there longest doesn't miss out on a seat.

When that is not an issue, speed trumps manners on an express bus.
Also, as a woman, I have experience men doing the after you gesture at bus stops.

I did not know he would react so angrily. If I see him now I hang back. He really scared me, to be so angry over something so minor.

It's not ''basic manners'' when it's a meaningless gesture that delays an express bus (not just at one stop but potentially at many other bus stops).

Common sense ought to prevail.

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/01/2022 08:37

Of course.

Landof · 06/01/2022 08:38

YABU obvs.

hangrylady · 06/01/2022 08:39

Yes it's called good manners

trystatearea · 06/01/2022 08:40

I grew up in London and when I moved elsewhere in the UK it was a huge culture shock to me that people queued for the bus.

GreenFridays · 06/01/2022 08:40

@NearlyAHoarder No, you still pushed in. Stop trying to defend it.

The whole point of queueing is to make sure that the person who's been there longest doesn't miss out on a seat

No, it’s not. It’s showing respect to your fellow commuter and understanding they were there first so they get on first.

I did not know he would react so angrily. If I see him now I hang back. He really scared me, to be so angry over something so minor

By giving you a stare?

StrictlySinging · 06/01/2022 08:41

The world will go to hell in a handbag if chaos is allowed to rule!

Getting on the bus in the wrong order is the first sign…