Am I being unreasonable to expect my mom/family to minimise covid exposure in advance of hospital procedure

[AutumnDance]

I live at home with my mom. Some people might have a perception that my mom does everything for me and that's norlt true. I work hard and I help at home and pay bills. I just can't afford my own roof over my head.

All throughout the pandemic I took it seriously to protect both me and her. I still had to go out to work but aside from that I followed all of the guidelines on public health. Signs by, we never got covid. We are boosted now too.

None of that is an issue here. I was just giving a brief background.

I don't live in the UK. I don't know what the public health guidelines are in the UK but where I am from there are guidelines about close contacts and family contacts. If a member of the household becomes symptomatic or tests positive, the whole household needs to isolate. This is in order to reduce transmissions in case you become infectious.

So far we have escaped covid.

My mom is retired. She gets bored easily and her own social outing is when she goes to town about once a week. She doesn't drive so she goes on a bus.

I don't have an issue with this except now there is something coming up. With the new variant it's supposed to be more transmissible. I see a full bus of people as an exposure risk. My mom is someone who is aging. She is 70 and she never got used to wearing masks. She hates them and she refuses to cover her nose with a mask. She can breathe more easily when it's not on her nose. So I think taking this into consideration, she's more at risk for contracting an infection.

I was sick last summer. My GP referred me to the hospital for a test. I was on a waiting list. I received an appointment and it's one week away. I'm doing everything I can to avoid covid, now more than ever. I don't want to become symptomatic. I don't want to can't my appointment. If it happens, so be it.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my mom to minimise a covid exposure for now because I have a hospital appointment coming up next week?
Just until this appointment is out of the way? So covid doesn't come into the household for another week, at least.
Especially considering a trip to town is just to pass some time because she's bored. Can she find another way to pass the time so that she's not bored by going for a walk or any other activity that is local and less risk of exposure.

I'm disappointed in that, she's not thinking about anyone else but herself. If she becomes exposed and contracts the virus within the next week, then my appointment is jeopardised. If covid gets into the household within the next week - what then - I get pushed back to the end of the queue for another few more months? It's hardly fair.

Does all of that make sense?

Am is being unreasonable to expect her to settle down for a week to minimise a covid exposure. She doesn't have to lock herself away in her room or in the house to avoid the world. We have so much lovely activities in our own local village. So many other safe-ish activities for her to do.

If your appointment is next week and she's only got to miss one trip then no, I don't think YABU

It's obviously a bit of a lifeline for her & her mental health, but for the sake of your health she could give 1 week a miss

She should try some different masks too or maybe a plastic face shield at least?

To the people saying OP needs to isolate- OP has already told us this wouldn't matter because she would need to isolate for the 7 days if her mother got it.
I do not think you're being unreasonable asking her to limit activities for one week before a big appointment.

^I wouldn’t bother. Isolate yourself, wear a mask etc
Positive vibes you get to your appointment and Al us well.^

The public health guidelines for my country say if a member of the household tests positive, all family must isolate for 7 days, I think the guidance is.

If my mom picks up the covid, I don't think isolation in my room is going to work. It may help but it won't work. I will still need to visit the kitchen and there's only one bathroom in the house.

My mom was never able to understand the public health guidelines. She's someone who doesn't cover coughs and sneezes. I've even seen her open the fridge and cough and sneeze into it. She just doesn't want to understand or care about the spread of germs.
If she picks it up, we're all going to get it. I have another sibling at home and he follows the public health guidelines and takes them seriously. He was so good. He does that to help protect himself and all of us. Even he understands how important this appointment is and he is reducing exposures for the next week.

I view buses as covid exposure risks. If I was driving I would drive her into town and minimise exposure.

Does she drink?

This is the kind of behaviour we had from my mum in the last few years. She’s now in full-blown alcoholism.

I'd do what the other poster suggested. Keep to your room as much as possible and wear a proper mask in the communal areas of your house.

Appreciate the isolation rules but it sounds as if your mum wouldn't be testing in any case.

@LividLaVidaLoca

Does she drink?

This is the kind of behaviour we had from my mum in the last few years. She’s now in full-blown alcoholism.

She doesn't drink.

Friday is usually her day in town. The only saving grace that I have is the weather is bad today. There's a lot of heavy cold showers and there's some wind. I am hoping this will continue into tomorrow. She will surely avoid town if the weather is this bad although she went to town before in this weather. That would be one way she will stay out of town tomorrow. Its just for tomorrow so that covid exposure from public transport can be minimised. She can do what she wants next week because if she becomes exposed on the Wednesday or Thursday or Friday, it means it will be a day or two or three before she becomes infectious and the appointment should hopefully go ahead all going well from my side and I understand there's staff in the hospital. I suppose conditions will have to be goo ld on their side too. Maybe the doctor or scope person or nurses might be absent. Its a mess. How anything can run with cases so high is beyond me.

I consider myself so lucky to get an appointment so quickly. The wait was 3 months. I suppose nobody wants to go to hospital in fear of an infection and nobody wants to get a camera up their rear end. The conditions are favourable for me right now to get to this appointment. I'm following all of the public health guidelines too. There's nobody in my circle positive. My mom is potentially throwing all of this away out of folly.

I was on a bus last weekend. I know it was silly of me to risk an exposure but I wore a ffp2 mask with a surgical mask over that one too. A major difference with my mom, is that she hates wearing the masks. She has one for display and show purposes only. She will wear it properly going on the bus but as soon as she's on the bus she starts pulling at it and dragging it down of her face. I also used the bus on a Sunday and it was quite because it was the day after new years day. I planned it to minimise exposure as much as possible. Another difference is I wasn't using the trip into town as an excuse to pass boredom. I had to get things.
If my mom goes into town tomorrow, there's isn't a hope in hell she will come away from this without an infection. The schools are back now and there will be a lot of students using the buses too. So there will be a lot of mixing.

I'm deflated how she doesn't care about covid and bringing covid home no matter what the consequences are. Yet for a long time she followed me around with bleach as if I was a covid carrier yet I never had covid. I was hardly sick with colds or flu over the past 2 years. Yet she was there bleaching everything. I did so much all throughout the pandemic to minimise exposures as much as possible and I helped around the house and she never had to do a grocery shop because I did online ordering for groceries.
I think at this rate if she jeopardises my appointment, I'm going to pull out from helping although so that I can get funds together to move out.

Today's weather was horrible. It was cold and very showery with some heavy rain.
Tomorrow is promised to be the same.
The poor weather is my only saving grace that she stays away from town for the day and covid stays away for another week. When she goes into town next week and there's an exposure she won't become infectious til after my procedure.

I finished work and made it home. I chatted to my mother. I decided to leave out the appointment and covid guidelines and isolation etc.

Instead I talked up how bad the weather is and informed her of a weather warning in place.
A while later I asked in conversation
'are you going into town tomorrow' and she replied she doesn't think so because the weather is so bad but she might change her mind in the morning.

I f I was to request for her to stay away from buses and crowded places she will do the opposite me to spite me. Or not so much me. She's someone who will not be told what to do. Even if you're not really telling her, you're asking her. She behaved the same way all throughout the pandemic. She has an attitude of not being told what to do.

An update

• the weather was bad yesterday. It was cold and wet and it was bad this morning too. My mother got up late and decided that she didn't want to go into town at all today but she said she might go in tomorrow. At this stage, I'm just going to do some reverse psychology on her and hope it works. I'm getting off work this evening for a week. I am free tomorrow. I know the reasons why she wants to go into town. She's bored and she wants a change of scenery or whatever. So I will plan a low risk activity that is located locally tomorrow and mention it tonight to my mother and see if she wants to come with me for tomorrow. Its all just to steer her away from buses and high risk exposure areas.

An update

I decided on Thursday night not to have a chat with my mother about my appointment and about covid risk and exposures and close contact. She really wasn't going to be able to understand what I was going to be asking of her - that is to minimise exposure for a week so that covid doesn't come into the household, now more than ever.

Thankfully Friday mornings weather was poor and so was Saturday and she did3feel like going into town. I got off from work on fr3night and I was busy all weekend keeping her busy and occupied so that she doesn't get too bored and out of her mind. She is still eager to go into town and go galavanting. She's now on a mission to get a birthday card for February but I am hoping she will stall til next Friday the 14th of January.

I need to get her to beyond Tuesday without going into town because it is too high risk for an exposure and covid. If I get her to beyond Tuesday that will get me over the edge and into my appointment later on in the week without becoming a close contact. I know it's so confusing.

I had to take my mother out all weekend to keep her busy. We were browsing around the local shop and I went to get something from another shelf and I came back to find her with the mask under her nose. It's beyond me how she hasn't picked up this infection to date and brought it home exposing me to an infection.

I am doing reverse psychology type of stuff so that she settles down. So she wants to do an online shop this evening. She doesn't know how to use the Internet so I will sit down with her later on at night time. This might seem cruel of me, I could sit down with her now but I won't. I am purposimg waiting til late so that she goes to bed later and I am hoping with that she won't get up too early tomorrow morning and that should be tomorrow covered. It's mad.

I am not trying to control her life. I just need her to respect the public health guidelines and minimise exposures. Especially for this week.

I got a phone call from the hospital with a pre covid assessment and I need to follow the public health guidelines and I am doing that but I can't force other people including my family into doing the same. It won't be my fault if I become a close contact this week.

Unfortunately my procedure was cancelled but that's not a surprise taking the covid situation into consideration. I got another date for two weeks away.

I have the stamina to hunker down and avoid covid exposures but I won't be able to manage my mum in the week before the procedure is due to go ahead. I think a week before the procedure would be plenty of time to minimise exposures but I don't think I will be able to get my mum to understand and restrict her movements. At this stage it's just taking each day as it comes.

I'm so sorry it was cancelled, I hope it goes ahead in two weeks. I had my cancer op cancelled once admitted for surgery and it was really emotionally tough waiting more time for it. I hope you (and she) avoid covid.