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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to expect my mom/family to minimise covid exposure in advance of hospital procedure

65 replies

AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 21:18

I live at home with my mom. Some people might have a perception that my mom does everything for me and that's norlt true. I work hard and I help at home and pay bills. I just can't afford my own roof over my head.

All throughout the pandemic I took it seriously to protect both me and her. I still had to go out to work but aside from that I followed all of the guidelines on public health. Signs by, we never got covid. We are boosted now too.

None of that is an issue here. I was just giving a brief background.

I don't live in the UK. I don't know what the public health guidelines are in the UK but where I am from there are guidelines about close contacts and family contacts. If a member of the household becomes symptomatic or tests positive, the whole household needs to isolate. This is in order to reduce transmissions in case you become infectious.

So far we have escaped covid.

My mom is retired. She gets bored easily and her own social outing is when she goes to town about once a week. She doesn't drive so she goes on a bus.

I don't have an issue with this except now there is something coming up. With the new variant it's supposed to be more transmissible. I see a full bus of people as an exposure risk. My mom is someone who is aging. She is 70 and she never got used to wearing masks. She hates them and she refuses to cover her nose with a mask. She can breathe more easily when it's not on her nose. So I think taking this into consideration, she's more at risk for contracting an infection.

I was sick last summer. My GP referred me to the hospital for a test. I was on a waiting list. I received an appointment and it's one week away. I'm doing everything I can to avoid covid, now more than ever. I don't want to become symptomatic. I don't want to can't my appointment. If it happens, so be it.

Am I being unreasonable to expect my mom to minimise a covid exposure for now because I have a hospital appointment coming up next week?
Just until this appointment is out of the way? So covid doesn't come into the household for another week, at least.
Especially considering a trip to town is just to pass some time because she's bored. Can she find another way to pass the time so that she's not bored by going for a walk or any other activity that is local and less risk of exposure.

I'm disappointed in that, she's not thinking about anyone else but herself. If she becomes exposed and contracts the virus within the next week, then my appointment is jeopardised. If covid gets into the household within the next week - what then - I get pushed back to the end of the queue for another few more months? It's hardly fair.

Does all of that make sense?

Am is being unreasonable to expect her to settle down for a week to minimise a covid exposure. She doesn't have to lock herself away in her room or in the house to avoid the world. We have so much lovely activities in our own local village. So many other safe-ish activities for her to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 21:20

Covid cases is sky high in my country. Its every where now.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 05/01/2022 21:24

YANBU and I’ve just recovered from covid and believe me it’s NOT just a cold for many of us. Unfortunately you may have to isolate from her if she won’t be careful.

Kshhuxnxk · 05/01/2022 21:25

Could you sit her down and empathise she wants to get out and about and her discomfort in wearing a mask but that you really are scared you don't get your appointment so would she mind if you went and isolated in a hotel? Yes, I appreciate you shouldn't need to ask and it should be obvious but needs must.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 05/01/2022 21:26

I think you need to isolate from her in the house rather than expecting her to isolate from others.

Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 21:36

The public health guidelines states if you are a household member with a positive household, the whole household must isolate. I think it's for 5 days to see of symptoms appear. Isolating in a room away from her won't work in relation to the public health guidelines.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 21:37

I won't be able to afford to isolate in a hotel for a week.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 21:39

There are some deals on self catering accommodation but the prices sky rockets for weekend days. A week self catering will cost 100s. I can't afford that.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 21:44

When I was sick last summer, my GP hinted a disease of the cut. She didn't say them words. There's definitely something up with me. This appointment is so important. I need a diagnosis to rule it out or not. It can get very serious if it flares up and if it's not treated. I was waiting for months for this appointment. It's not like it's plans for a social gathering for me. It's a medical appointment.

OP posts:
JasmineGarden · 05/01/2022 21:47

Do you think she understands how transmissible omicron is or how important it is that neither of you get it right now?

elliejjtiny · 05/01/2022 21:50

Yanbu. I've been there with important appointments having to be missed because one of the dc is waiting for pcr results to confirm that their cough is just a cold and not covid.

Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 21:56

@JasmineGarden

Do you think she understands how transmissible omicron is or how important it is that neither of you get it right now?
I don't think she understands or comprehends. Friday is usually her day to go into town and I gave her an ffp2 mask that she doesn't want to wear. She put it aside saying she prefers the fabric mask.

I asked her could she wait another week or so to go to town to see if the covid cases decline and she dismissed me and said 'sure we need to live our lives....we can't put our lives on hold...'

I'm asking her to stay quiten down to for a week to avoid cobid at this time. She has the rest of the year to do as she wants and pleases.

If I had the same attitude that she has of wanting to live my life no matter what she would have daggers for my back.

OP posts:
Mistystar99 · 05/01/2022 21:56

Move out, and let your mum have some peace! You still live at home, as a fully grown adult, but want to boss your mother around?!

user1471457751 · 05/01/2022 21:57

Are you still going to work? Or is the plan to isolate at home for the week before the appointment?

Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 21:59

If this was my mom needing a hospital appointment, I wouldn't be going out increasing covid exposures in the run up to the appointment.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 22:01

@user1471457751

Are you still going to work? Or is the plan to isolate at home for the week before the appointment?
My work is a low risk environment. There's risks but it's low but I am finishing work this Friday to minimise covid exposures for the week.
OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 22:04

@Mistystar99

Move out, and let your mum have some peace! You still live at home, as a fully grown adult, but want to boss your mother around?!
I am not bossing my mother around.

This is a little bit of common sense that is not being applied from my mother.

It's not like I want to go to a party. It's a medical appointment that I have and it's one week that I would like to minimise covid exposures so that the appointment goes ahead.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 05/01/2022 22:06

I don't think asking her to limit her activities for a week prior to your appointment is too unreasonable.

Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 22:07

I'm not asking her to lock herself away into her room or in the house for a week. There's plenty of low risk activities for her to do locally that doesn't involve sharing packed public places like buses and shopping centres.

OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 22:09

@ilovesooty

I don't think asking her to limit her activities for a week prior to your appointment is too unreasonable.
She doesn't have to limit her activities for the week. Just don't go on the bus for the week. Just to limit covid exposures for the next week.
OP posts:
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 22:12

@ilovesooty

I don't think asking her to limit her activities for a week prior to your appointment is too unreasonable.
Thank you for the reply. I need to have a chat with her tomorrow.

What do you think I could say to her so that she quits with her plans to go into the city on the bus?

OP posts:
Cillmantain · 05/01/2022 22:14

I think you are being unreasonable.
You need to isolate from your mother rather than expect her to isolate.

JasmineGarden · 05/01/2022 22:24

YANBU she's being incredibly selfish. Not going on the packed bus, to the packed shops, one week is not a lot to ask, and you shouldn't bloidy even have to ask.

As for the ridiculous posts, just ignore them x

I really hope you get as far as your operation covid free & that the op goes well!!

JasmineGarden · 05/01/2022 22:33

@Cillmantain

I think you are being unreasonable. You need to isolate from your mother rather than expect her to isolate.
She's not asking her to isolate, she has no problem with her going out locally, she's only wanting her to avoid very packed public transport for a week. If a mother can't do that for her (adult) child who needs an OPERATION, that's pretty shit.
Original poster
AutumnDance · 05/01/2022 22:34

@JasmineGarden

YANBU she's being incredibly selfish. Not going on the packed bus, to the packed shops, one week is not a lot to ask, and you shouldn't bloidy even have to ask.

As for the ridiculous posts, just ignore them x

I really hope you get as far as your operation covid free & that the op goes well!!

Thank you so much for your reply.

It's not an operation. I'm booked in for a day procedure/scope in the outpatients clinic so that my colon can be investigated.

Still though, it's important for me because I was sick last summer and there's something still not quite right. I was on a waiting list for the procedure and it's nearly here now.

The most ridiculous thing is - when my GP referred me to the hospital, I was and still am a public patient. I remember one morning in the kitchen my mother begging and pleading with me to go private so that I would be seen to more quickly because she decided based on me being sick, that I had bowel cancer.

Now, that I am a week away to the appointment, my mother can't comprehend the current public health situation and the isolation guidelines and she's likely to jeopardise the appointment and it's all out of boredom and folly.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 05/01/2022 22:51

Yabu isolate from your mother you cannot dictate what she does within her home. If it's an issue you need to seek alternative accommodation