Page 2 | AIBU re nappy changing

Mushrooms0up · 2022-01-04T15:16:48+00:00

I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable and I don’t have kids so I could well be! Over Xmas at in-laws and 3 year old niece needs her nappy changed. SIL did it in front of everyone in the living room at PILs house. Ok for a tiny baby but for a 3 year old? It stunk! AIBU to say she should have gone to the bathroom?

ExPatHereForAChat · 04/01/2022 16:03

I wouldn't change a poo nappy in front of anyone at any age. Why subject people to that?!
Wet nappy on the other hand, not a big deal to me and I'd change in front of close family/ grandparents at any age (not in their faces but in the same room, yes). I just do it standing up so it takes 5 seconds rather rather 5 minutes (traipse upstairs, avoid endless distractions on the way...)

Georgeskitchen · 04/01/2022 16:04

YANBU I would be embarrassed to change a soiled nappy in a room full of people and certainly I would hope that most children (barring any special needs) would be out of nappies by 3. Better for them, better for the parents/carers and better for the environment

yellowspot · 04/01/2022 16:06

If we were in our own home (and my mums where we spend a lot of time) , I'd crack on a change him in the living room as I usually do. He's 2.5. If we were in someone else's home then I'd go to another room. But no, I wouldn't lay my child in a cold hard floor to change their bum. Especially not the bathroom floor which could be dirty

SleepingStandingUp · 04/01/2022 16:08

@LowlandLucky

Is there a reason the 3 year old is still in nappies ?

Because they're not toilet trained yet

SleepingStandingUp · 04/01/2022 16:13

You've distracted everyone from the point (stinky, germy) with the utter horror of your SILs failure to toilet train her child at an appropriate age for the MN collective @Mushrooms0up.

monotonousmum · 04/01/2022 16:21

YANBU about changing in a busy living room. Although I wouldn't be laying my child on my parents bathroom floor, or any toilet floor really.

But is it really that uncommon for a child to be in nappies at 3, without additional needs?
Or do people just have selective memories, like grandparents that insist their kids (or even their first grandchild 8 years ago) were toilet trained day and night at 18 months.

If a child isn't ready until they're 3.5 why is that a problem? And who for?

appleturnovers · 04/01/2022 16:29

I've got a nearly 2-yr-old and we always go in another room to change nappies. It's just a bit grim and also, not being funny, but if it's a massive poo there's always a risk of getting a bit on your hands that you need to wash off immediately. It's just a bit grim all round and not something you want to impose on anyone else unless there's no other choice.

Original poster

Mushrooms0up · 04/01/2022 16:32

Thanks all! Glad I’m not being massively unreasonable!

To answer a few points:

There are definitely no special needs (tbh though as I don’t have kids I don’t know when potty training happens so assumed nappies was normal)
it was a poo nappy
in the house there is a downstairs loo and 2 spare rooms (1 carpeted and 1 not) which were not being used on the ground floor.
I’m still thinking about it now as it was last week and it’s my first day back at work and I’m avoiding emails.

OP posts:

appleturnovers · 04/01/2022 16:38

Also I bring a foldable changing mat wherever I go so there's no laying on any cold hard floors... doesn't everyone do that?

SamMil · 04/01/2022 16:42

3 is a fairly normal age for a child to still be potty training. Out of my NCT group, I'd say only a third were fully potty trained by the time they turned 3?

Chloemol · 04/01/2022 16:44

That’s disgusting and I would have said something

When my nephew had to change his daughter he was told to do it elsewhere, not in the lounge where we were all sitting

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 04/01/2022 16:50

I agree that it’s really inappropriate.
Some years ago, my DIL started to change their baby (on a changing mat) on my sitting room carpet.
I said to her, very politely, that it would be better to do so in the bathroom, where there would obviously be hand washing facilities etc. She replied “no, it’s just as easy to do it here”!!
I was so taken aback by this lack of consideration, I didn’t know what to say.
Actually, this was just one example of her general rudeness towards our family…….

strawberrymilk7 · 04/01/2022 16:56

I don't have kids yet (expecting 1st) but I have loads of nieces and nephews who I've changed. We didn't change kids in communal areas. There was a foam matt thing that floated around my parents house for kids.

Nappys smell bad regardless, just do it somewhere else! I would be morto to change a baby of any age in my PILs sitting room.

Justgettingbye · 04/01/2022 17:02

Depends, my mum and mil don't mind us doing it on a mat in their living room. I wouldn't just assume and would go to the bathroom unless otherwise told. It does stink tho.
I felt pressurised to have my first out of nappies by 3 and it was hard, should have just waited but as a first time mum hearing comments like why is a 3 year old in nappies doesn't help

AuntMargo · 04/01/2022 17:02

Disgusting and lacking respect for those around her ! I would have told her !

Beseen22 · 04/01/2022 17:09

I think at 3 it would be helpful to change in the bathroom due to the odour and the association of toileting to the bathroom if the child is proving more difficult to toilet train

Chely · 04/01/2022 17:10

🤣🤣 wouldn't bother me.

newnameforthis76 · 04/01/2022 17:42

I always think it’s really weird that some parents have this idea that shit is somehow inoffensive just because it comes out of their precious toddler. Once a kid is weaned and eating normal food, it’s literally no different from the shit of an adult.

Apart from it being gross for everyone else in the room, I also think that by the time a child is three they’re not a baby any more and, regardless of whether they’re potty-trained or not, they should probably be learning the basics of what’s private and what isn’t. Obviously that’s not an issue for a baby, but a three-year-old should probably be getting to grips with the idea that dealing with anything poo or wee related is something you do in the bathroom rather than in a room full of people.

Ozanj · 04/01/2022 17:49

A child wearing a nappy needs to be changed on a clean flat surface and it’s so, so grim to be doing that on a bathroom floor you haven’t cleaned yourself as kids that age won’t often stay still on the changing mat (or even fully fit on top of one). So the choice is either bedroom or carpet & some people finding changing shitty nappies in someone else’s bedroom even more grim.

Personally I think as it wasn’t your house there’s no point you judging particularly as you weren’t brave enough to comment in person as it was actually happening.

GreetingsAndSalutations · 04/01/2022 17:58

Eldest wasn’t in nappies by 3 but she used to slope off to do a poo in private and would shoo you away if you followed her from about 18 months. Youngest wasn’t toilet trained during the day until he was 4 due to SEN.

Both of them would have been fuming at the scenario described in the OP. I personally would never change a shitty nappy in front of an audience, especially not in someone else’s home.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/01/2022 18:14

@SamMil

3 is a fairly normal age for a child to still be potty training. Out of my NCT group, I'd say only a third were fully potty trained by the time they turned 3?

My birth month group all seem to be done at 2,+ 🙄

yellowleaves123 · 04/01/2022 19:32

But is it really that uncommon for a child to be in nappies at 3, without additional needs?

If this is because a mentioned a 3.5 year old having their nappy changed and added no SEN, it's because their sort of threads usually turn in to potty training age debates and then somebody will mention a lack of understanding for parents of children with SEN, so I mentioned it just in case anyone accused me of such. You can tell its happened before.

Am I the only person that couldn't care less if somebody changed a baby that was only on milk/early weaning in front of me or on my floor? Literally all of my friends were welcome to change their poopy babies on my floor (on a changing mat). Once they were on solids, I still don't care really, as long as I'm not eating.

If people are eating then it's a big big no.

RuggerHug · 04/01/2022 19:44

@Ireallycantthinkofagoodone

I agree that it’s really inappropriate. Some years ago, my DIL started to change their baby (on a changing mat) on my sitting room carpet. I said to her, very politely, that it would be better to do so in the bathroom, where there would obviously be hand washing facilities etc. She replied “no, it’s just as easy to do it here”!! I was so taken aback by this lack of consideration, I didn’t know what to say. Actually, this was just one example of her general rudeness towards our family…….

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone Did it happen again though? Because if that's what they did in their home saying you can go to another room isn't any use when they've already started/set up. If she just did it automatically that time but didn't again I think you're being a bit harsh.

hangrylady · 04/01/2022 20:38

@yellowspot

If we were in our own home (and my mums where we spend a lot of time) , I'd crack on a change him in the living room as I usually do. He's 2.5. If we were in someone else's home then I'd go to another room. But no, I wouldn't lay my child in a cold hard floor to change their bum. Especially not the bathroom floor which could be dirty

There's a marvelous invention called a changing mat

SleepingStandingUp · 04/01/2022 21:02

@hangryladyand the sort of foldable one that fits in a nappy bag doesn't too much to protect a big lively 2 year old, let alone older. Which is why I change mine standing up