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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about missing person report

69 replies

susannag1978 · 04/01/2022 10:56

I was taken into hospital last week and my DS was left with my parents. I also tested positive for COVID while there and ended up quite unwell. On the first night I wasn’t feeling too bad but put on Facebook that I was struck down with these two ailments and might be quiet for a bit but everything is ok with DS!

I got home yesterday and have done nothing but slept as I have a fever. I had a few messages all asking if I was ok but I didn’t have the energy to check my phone.

So then I get a call from the police. I’ve been reported as a missing person. It’s an acquaintance who messaged me twice asking how I was feeling. I explained I wasn’t missing and they said they needed to send two officers round to check. I said I have Covid so they agreed not come.

Went back to sleep and was woken an hour later by police phoning again as message wasn’t passed on the first time. They tried sending officers around again, I explained I had covid.

I understand the intention was good but would you expect someone you barely know to try and file a missing persons report because you’ve not been on Facebook for 4 days?!

OP posts:

araiwa · 04/01/2022 10:58

How dare someone give a shit about your well-being. Cheeky, rude fuckers

Landof · 04/01/2022 10:59

Tbh I don't understand why you even wrote on fb to tell people you wouldn't be as active for a while. Why does FB need to know that? All sounds a bit OTT. The friend obviously cared. They were probably worried because you didn't reply.

Original poster

susannag1978 · 04/01/2022 11:00

I posted on Facebook so people wouldn’t worry I hadn’t posted anything/wasn’t replying to messages!

But that’s fine, got my answer so no need for more replies 👍🏻

OP posts:

Porcupineintherough · 04/01/2022 11:03

Personally, no I wouldnt, given that you clearly have other people in your life who would ne checking in on you.

But I bet my bottom dollar that if your friend had posted about this on here, they would be inundated with advice to "log it with the police" .

Anyway, next time dont advertise on Facebook.

Porcupineintherough · 04/01/2022 11:04

Sorry I type slowly, that was a cross post

lanthanum · 04/01/2022 11:05

Suppose you had taken a massive turn for the worse and needed medical attention, and everybody just assumed you were tired and sleeping and all was well. I guess that was what went through this person's head. Of course, if they'd thought about it, although you might be home alone, you're presumably in regular contact with your parents so they would pick up reasonably quickly if you were worse.

Mamamamasaurus · 04/01/2022 11:07

Ahhhh, you're one of those FB users.
The kind who posts every movement of their day and what they had for breakfast.

YABU. You posted for attention and you got attention.

You friend is also BU - 2 messages with no reply doesn't warrant a missing person's report.

zingally · 04/01/2022 11:12

Bit odd on the part of friend, for sure! But personally I'd be glad someone cared enough to check up on me, even if their concern wasn't warranted.

ashorterday · 04/01/2022 11:16

If an acquaintance of mine had posted on fb that they weren't well, I would just contact a closer friend or family member to ask after them after a few days if I was worried. I wouldn't send the police round!

ElftonWednesday · 04/01/2022 11:25

YANBU. It's bonkers to contact the police in such circumstances. What a waste of their time.

LaChanticleer · 04/01/2022 11:27

YANBU OP. I have an acquaintance who once bombarded me with messages as I hadn’t answered immediately, ending with the emotional blackmail of “What have I done to offend you?”

I had to be quite blunt about the intrusion.

If you had posted to FB as your way of letting people know, precisely so they wouldn’t be worried about you, it was unreasonable of an acquaintance to contact the police! Either a busybody or a drama llama or a bit unbalanced.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 04/01/2022 11:30

It's very ott imo

Buytoomuchonebay · 04/01/2022 11:31

My son went missing just before Christmas-I won’t go into details but we live 136 miles apart and I couldn’t just get on a train as I was waiting for my covid results

I rang the police to explain I was worried sick about him and could they please do a welfare check

I got a phone call back-3DAYS LATER to tell me that no,they couldn’t even though he was at risk,he lives 5 minutes from the police station,his dog was at home by himself and that I should just jump on a train and go find him myself,even though I had covid and clearly shouldn’t-I explained all this and got ‘tough,love-not our problem’

I did get hold of his mates who tracked him down in the end-within 24 hours of me contacting them-he’s very lucky to have those mates in his life

I’d count yourself lucky that they did a check in the first place and that others cared so much to worry about you

I’ll never bother with the police again-they where useless

Muthalucka · 04/01/2022 11:34

Why on earth did you post on fb? Also love the no need for more replies on here when you’re not getting everyone blindly agreeing with you.

Ponoka7 · 04/01/2022 11:34

At the same time every time a baby/young child is found dead with their parent whose died, I wonder how that happened. I suppose everyone assumed that someone was in touch. So I'm on the fence.

Annaghgloor · 04/01/2022 11:38

@Buytoomuchonebay

My son went missing just before Christmas-I won’t go into details but we live 136 miles apart and I couldn’t just get on a train as I was waiting for my covid results

I rang the police to explain I was worried sick about him and could they please do a welfare check

I did get hold of his mates who tracked him down in the end-within 24 hours of me contacting them-he’s very lucky to have those mates in his life

I’d count yourself lucky that they did a check in the first place and that others cared so much to worry about you

I’ll never bother with the police again-they where useless

But presumably you had good reason to know your son had actually gone missing as you knew his dog was home alone? Whereas the OP specifically said she was unwell, had been hospitalised, that her DS was being looked after, and that she wouldn’t be replying to messages for a while, so there were zero grounds for concern at the level of police?

LagunaBubbles · 04/01/2022 11:40

It's a bit OTT that's for sure. But post what you like on your own FB.

Sn0tnose · 04/01/2022 11:43

I think it was a bit drama queeny to update social media to tell everyone that you wouldn’t be on social media and, quelle surprise, it attracted drama. Your acquaintance’s reaction was ridiculously over the top and I think I’d be inclined to message them when I was feeling better and ask them what on earth they were thinking. Do they have form for overreacting?

User2638483 · 04/01/2022 11:45

I’m with you OP. Damn weird.

If they were that worried did they even try popping round to your house?

ldontWanna · 04/01/2022 11:50

When you're fine of course it looks odd and OTT, and 99% of the time people are fine. However , sometimes they're not. There was a thread on here recently where OP's ex was absent for a few days and when the police checked on him they found him dead.

Of course , some people are more at risk than others depending on their issues and their relatives/friends have all the reasons to worry as soon as. However, worry is a funny thing and you can't exactly control it, especially when the "what if" gets stuck in your brain.

Meraas · 04/01/2022 11:55

YANBU, I had the same, was working from home on a complex project and had a really good day where I did a lot of work.

My mum had tried to call me a few times, an when I didn't answer, she told some of my extended family that she was worried and they came over to check on me Not sure why she didn't just call my husband.

Anyway, I was really annoyed, she would never had one this to my brothers. I was working FFS!

I blame the current culture which expects people to respond to calls and messages immediately.

LaChanticleer · 04/01/2022 11:57

However, worry is a funny thing and you can't exactly control it, especially when the "what if" gets stuck in your brain.
But in this case, the OP had let friends know (that’s an advantage of FB - one post and all the people close to you know). The acquaintance was being ridiculous. Or is a bit unwell herself.

DurhamDurham · 04/01/2022 12:00

I hope you uploaded a photo of your hospital tag and cannula to go with your attention seeking post

ldontWanna · 04/01/2022 12:04

@LaChanticleer

However, worry is a funny thing and you can't exactly control it, especially when the "what if" gets stuck in your brain. But in this case, the OP had let friends know (that’s an advantage of FB - one post and all the people close to you know). The acquaintance was being ridiculous. Or is a bit unwell herself.

Probably, I'm not saying it's reasonable or rational, just that it can happen and it's not necessarily attention seeking or coming from a bad place.

I'm normally pretty chill but I still succumbed to it once with my parents. Mum was fuming ,dad was touched and once I knew they were ok I was "FFS of course they were fine you idiot!" . But there was a period when there was no of course about it.

LaChanticleer · 04/01/2022 12:18

I think there’s a difference between being worried about your parents and being worried about an acquaintance who had already told people that she was unwell and wouldn’t be in touch for a while.

I’ve seen the kind of emotional blackmail that results from this “worry.” what is it with people that they can’t act like rational adults?

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