Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about missing person report

69 replies

susannag1978 · 04/01/2022 10:56

I was taken into hospital last week and my DS was left with my parents. I also tested positive for COVID while there and ended up quite unwell. On the first night I wasn’t feeling too bad but put on Facebook that I was struck down with these two ailments and might be quiet for a bit but everything is ok with DS!

I got home yesterday and have done nothing but slept as I have a fever. I had a few messages all asking if I was ok but I didn’t have the energy to check my phone.

So then I get a call from the police. I’ve been reported as a missing person. It’s an acquaintance who messaged me twice asking how I was feeling. I explained I wasn’t missing and they said they needed to send two officers round to check. I said I have Covid so they agreed not come.

Went back to sleep and was woken an hour later by police phoning again as message wasn’t passed on the first time. They tried sending officers around again, I explained I had covid.

I understand the intention was good but would you expect someone you barely know to try and file a missing persons report because you’ve not been on Facebook for 4 days?!

OP posts:
CSJobseeker · 04/01/2022 12:22

Do you really post on FB so much that people would worry if you didn't? Your nearest and dearest knew you were poorly, no-one else needed to.

Be honest, your post was attention seeking and dramatic. And surprise, surprise, it got you some attention and drama!

You've only got yourself to blame for this one.

ShinyHappyPoster · 04/01/2022 12:23

Maybe the wording of your initial post alarmed your friend. If you said something like 'I'm not going to be around but don't worry DS is ok' then an anxious person or someone with experience of people who have attempted suicide could leap to think your message wasn't an update but a cry for help. Add that, to you not answering messages, and they've requested a welfare check. If your Facebook post was suitably vague and attention seeking then your own words could have prompted the police to respond quicker to a request for a welfare check.

BoodleBug51 · 04/01/2022 12:27

My Mums friend was a prolific FB poster and one day was completely silent. I messaged Mum jokingly asking if her friend was OK as she was so silent.... Mum rang a few times and got no answer, so rang friends DP to check all was OK.

He realised at that point that he hadn't heard from her either, and left work to find her collapsed at the bottom of her stairs. She'd had a massive stroke in the early hours, fallen down the stairs and was led there unconscious all day. She's now profoundly disabled as a result.

If only someone had checked her before............... her life may be very different now.

Gladioli23 · 04/01/2022 12:34

You posted to explain you wouldn't be about for a while, then weren't then someone decided that wasn't okay. YANBU - this is also a normal way to use Facebook even amongst people who aren't prolific posters - like when someone puts a post up to say they've lost their phone or whatever.

Chaotica · 04/01/2022 12:42

I get that this seems a bit OTT, but I know of two people who died because no-one checked on them quickly enough when they were silent after getting a bit ill (one with 'a cold' and another with covid).

Given you have a DS, I'm not surprised that the police got involved.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/01/2022 12:44

Went back to sleep and was woken an hour later by police phoning again as message wasn’t passed on the first time.

If you're sleeping then just turn your phone to silent. I'm pretty impressed with the police to be honest!
Although if concerned about a friend I would check with their family, friends or neighbours first. Unless I thought they were at high risk of suicide or abduction. Even then, the police are likely to take longer than someone local that they know

Annaghgloor · 04/01/2022 12:47

@Chaotica

I get that this seems a bit OTT, but I know of two people who died because no-one checked on them quickly enough when they were silent after getting a bit ill (one with 'a cold' and another with covid).

Given you have a DS, I'm not surprised that the police got involved.

But given that the OP had specifically posted about her DS being looked after while she was in hospital, no one can have actually thought she was seriously ill solo with her child.
Butchyrestingface · 04/01/2022 12:54

On the first night I wasn’t feeling too bad but put on Facebook that I was struck down with these two ailments and might be quiet for a bit but everything is ok with DS!

Never in a million years would it occur to me to post this on FB unless I a) ran a business via FB or b) was in otherwise poor health.

In the past few years, I've had three seemingly healthy relatives collapse at home with medical emergencies and weren't found until days later (dead), because, quite reasonably, nobody checks in on a daily basis with healthy people who live alone.

You told your FB audience you were unwell with not one but TWO ailments. Of course people are going to be concerned if repeated efforts to make contact are met with radio silence.

SilverRingahBells · 04/01/2022 12:56

Depends what she posted. If it was "DS is with my DPs while I recover so he's fine" then the police wouldn't worry. If it was a vaguer "no need to worry about DS, he's fine" it might mean that he was in front of CBeebies with a bag of crisps, which is OK if mum is having a duvet day, but not if mum is seriously I'll and unconscious.

dworky · 04/01/2022 13:05

@araiwa

How dare someone give a shit about your well-being. Cheeky, rude fuckers
There's a massive leap between caring about someone's well-being & reporting them as a missing person, for a 4 day absence.
Butchyrestingface · 04/01/2022 13:09

There's a massive leap between caring about someone's well-being & reporting them as a missing person, for a 4 day absence.

Remember the murders of Shannon Watts and her kids in the States a few years ago?

Such was the victim's excessive use of social media and texting, that when she hadn't responded to her friend's texts by 8 am (!) on the morning of the murders, friend called the cops.

Am thinking the OP must also be a very prolific user of FB.

MorningStarling · 04/01/2022 13:13

This is what you get for living in a society where we're told we need to look out for our friends and neighbours. What's better, people making unnecessary missing persons reports, or people not making necessary ones?

Clearly the police thought that the report was worth investigating. They're probably the best placed people to decide. It's less work in the long run to make a phone call or home visit and discover everything is fine than to find someone dead and have to investigate/dispose of the body.

RedCandyApple · 04/01/2022 13:15

I’m guessing there is more to this story....

Winniemarysarah · 04/01/2022 13:16

@ElftonWednesday

YANBU. It's bonkers to contact the police in such circumstances. What a waste of their time.
It’s never a waste of time calling for a welfare check on a friend that you’re concerned about. It’s the polices fault that their communication was so poor that they never got the message she was ok
LibbyVonTrap · 04/01/2022 13:18

Did you tell Facebook to inbox you hun?

whynotwhatknot · 04/01/2022 13:23

I would say its ott until the thread on here last week about a posters ex who was reported missing after only a few hours and was found dead-you just never know

TueWed · 04/01/2022 13:25

@susannag1978

I posted on Facebook so people wouldn’t worry I hadn’t posted anything/wasn’t replying to messages!

But that’s fine, got my answer so no need for more replies 👍🏻

HAHA
OnaBegonia · 04/01/2022 13:27

Too exhausted to type a 2 second reply in a txt? aye ok

nettie434 · 04/01/2022 13:28

There are so many heartbreaking reports of people reporting someone as missing and the police doing nothing only for the person to be found harmed or no longer alive that your experience certainly seems very unusual. It was a nuisance but two calls, one of which was a mistake, is not a huge over reaction.

It's odd your acquaintance didn't assume that you had other family members who knew more about your situation. An acquaintance can't really judge if two missed calls to you is normal or not.

GroggyLegs · 04/01/2022 13:34

This person knew you were unwell & alone because you'd posted as much on FB, when you also stopped texting, it appears they panicked.

I don't know, I think I'd rather someone cared enough to check than left me alone needing help, but there's also a world of options between '2 unanswered texts' and 'missing person's report'.

grapewine · 04/01/2022 13:34

@Butchyrestingface

There's a massive leap between caring about someone's well-being & reporting them as a missing person, for a 4 day absence.

Remember the murders of Shannon Watts and her kids in the States a few years ago?

Such was the victim's excessive use of social media and texting, that when she hadn't responded to her friend's texts by 8 am (!) on the morning of the murders, friend called the cops.

Am thinking the OP must also be a very prolific user of FB.

Her friend is a complete hero for this, or he would probably have gotten away with it, the complete shitbag.
MargaretThursday · 04/01/2022 13:35

I've been on the other side in this situation.

Old School friend living 200 miles from me put a fb message up late one night asking if anyone could take her dc the next day because she'd just got back from A&E and was tired. Someone asked what was wrong and she gave a diagnoses of something I know a little about, and know that it can very quickly go from being (as she was) "a little tired" to being fatal in a few hours. She then mentioned that they'd wanted to admit her but she'd refused and gone home without treatment.

She's not prone to being dramatic, especially on fb.

So I was trying to contact her to tell her to go back to A&E, no response to phone or messages.
I was genuinely that she might deteriorate during the night and the children, who were all pre-schoolers/babies might wake in the morning to find her non-responsive or unable to get help.

I didn't call the police, but I managed to message her neighbour (found through Facebook) so she took her back to A&E and looked after the children.
If I hadn't been able to contact the neighbour then, yes, I would have called the police.

At the time she wasn't too impressed with me (I got a series of messages calling me bossy and worse!), however when she got back home she admitted that she had been told that if she hadn't gone back in then by the morning her chances of survival would have been considerably reduced as the infection had already spread rapidly in the hours between her leaving and going back in.

It's better to check than risk it.

mibbelucieachwell · 04/01/2022 13:36

In your friend's position I would have messaged someone likely to be in closer contact with you to check they had heard from you.

UsernameInTheTown · 04/01/2022 13:38

When Facebook attention seeking badly misfires. Hope you're OK now Hun?

StrangerThanSpring · 04/01/2022 13:41

I think it's perfectly normal for people to post on Facebook that they aren't feeling well, so may be offline for a while.

The friend was definitely being dramatic for reporting the OP missing when she knew she was unwell.

Swipe left for the next trending thread