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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about missing person report

69 replies

susannag1978 · 04/01/2022 10:56

I was taken into hospital last week and my DS was left with my parents. I also tested positive for COVID while there and ended up quite unwell. On the first night I wasn’t feeling too bad but put on Facebook that I was struck down with these two ailments and might be quiet for a bit but everything is ok with DS!

I got home yesterday and have done nothing but slept as I have a fever. I had a few messages all asking if I was ok but I didn’t have the energy to check my phone.

So then I get a call from the police. I’ve been reported as a missing person. It’s an acquaintance who messaged me twice asking how I was feeling. I explained I wasn’t missing and they said they needed to send two officers round to check. I said I have Covid so they agreed not come.

Went back to sleep and was woken an hour later by police phoning again as message wasn’t passed on the first time. They tried sending officers around again, I explained I had covid.

I understand the intention was good but would you expect someone you barely know to try and file a missing persons report because you’ve not been on Facebook for 4 days?!

OP posts:
ShinyHappyPoster · 04/01/2022 13:41

I also think people assume saying you're going to be quiet means you're not going to be updating Facebook all the time. It doesn't mean you're going to ignore messages from everyone.

tillytoodles1 · 04/01/2022 13:42

At least you know someone cares. This morning I saw my neighbour's body being carried out by ambulance men wearing white paper suits, followed by the council with his dead dog in a binbag and dead birds in a cage. I didn't know him but I feel really shaken.

Tamrastarr · 04/01/2022 13:50

Haha! That's not how it works. You can't post something, get two replies you don't like and then say "ok, no more answers now!"

Toottooot · 04/01/2022 13:53

U ok hun?
I’ll PM you babe 🙄🙄

Tamrastarr · 04/01/2022 13:53

tillytoodles1 That's so sad!

LibbyVonTrap · 04/01/2022 13:55

@tillytoodles1

At least you know someone cares. This morning I saw my neighbour's body being carried out by ambulance men wearing white paper suits, followed by the council with his dead dog in a binbag and dead birds in a cage. I didn't know him but I feel really shaken.
That’s awful. He must have been dead for quite some time as dogs can survive for weeks on their own normally
grapewine · 04/01/2022 13:59

@tillytoodles1

At least you know someone cares. This morning I saw my neighbour's body being carried out by ambulance men wearing white paper suits, followed by the council with his dead dog in a binbag and dead birds in a cage. I didn't know him but I feel really shaken.
That's so sad! Poor man.
iheartredsquirrels · 04/01/2022 15:30

@susannag1978

I posted on Facebook so people wouldn’t worry I hadn’t posted anything/wasn’t replying to messages!

But that’s fine, got my answer so no need for more replies 👍🏻

A bit up your own arse it seems tbh with the fb 'poor me'. But we are allowed to comment so the 'no more replies' is irrelevant, especially as most people aren't agreeing with you. flounce door that way peeps.
CSJobseeker · 04/01/2022 15:35

I think it's perfectly normal for people to post on Facebook that they aren't feeling well, so may be offline for a while.

Among people I know, it really isn't. I only know one or two people who post on social media often enough that they would feel the need to do this.

For most people, not posting on Facebook = a normal day/week. Most people I know don't announce every life event, special occasion or day out on social media, so if you want to find out what they've been up to you actually need to contact them (and I'm only 40, not ancient).

If someone has lost their phone, it's fairly normal to post saying "I've lost my phone so I'm not receiving any texts etc - sorry if you don't hear back from me." But that's different - it's flagging up that you have no means of reading or responding to messages, so if someone really needs to contact you they should try landline/email etc.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 04/01/2022 15:40

@tillytoodles1

At least you know someone cares. This morning I saw my neighbour's body being carried out by ambulance men wearing white paper suits, followed by the council with his dead dog in a binbag and dead birds in a cage. I didn't know him but I feel really shaken.
God, that's horrible Sad

I watched a documentary once about a lady who was reported missing by her family after she hadn't been in touch for several years. She lived in a council flat and her bills etc. were covered by her benefits so nobody official ever had reason to think she was unwell as everything was being paid on direct debit as normal.

She was found in her living room surrounded by the Christmas presents she was wrapping for the family who never bothered to check on her.

Her name was Joyce Vincent and she'd been dead for three years.

statetrooperstacey · 04/01/2022 15:41

Haven’t rtft but I did a welfare Check On someone as a neighbour was concerned he hadn’t put his bins out, he was dead at the bottom of the stairs.
My brother also died alone at home , by the time access was gained to his flat he’s practically dissolved into the fucking carpet .
There has been many times ive Read about small children/ babies being left with their parents body, many of them die, be grateful someone cared.

backtolifebacktoreality · 04/01/2022 15:46

It's tricky. They may want to help you but don't want to throw good money after bad (as you said you've made bad financial decisions)!

backtolifebacktoreality · 04/01/2022 15:47

Oops. Sorry. My last post was on the wrong thread!!!!!

ChicCroissant · 04/01/2022 15:52

I understand the intention was good but would you expect someone you barely know to try and file a missing persons report because you’ve not been on Facebook for 4 days?!

Depends - if the OP who left the message on FB constantly vaguebooks for attention, then I'd think their bluff had been called tbh. The person who reported to the Police might be a drama-llama themselves as well, or just a bit fed up of any vaguebooking.

The fact that you've started a thread on here about it OP (and tried to block any answers that don't agree with you) makes me lean towards the vaguebooking theory!

My sympathy to anyone who has found this thread triggering over a similar situation with family, friends or neighbours Flowers

GroggyLegs · 04/01/2022 16:02

@MargaretThursday

I've been on the other side in this situation.

Old School friend living 200 miles from me put a fb message up late one night asking if anyone could take her dc the next day because she'd just got back from A&E and was tired. Someone asked what was wrong and she gave a diagnoses of something I know a little about, and know that it can very quickly go from being (as she was) "a little tired" to being fatal in a few hours. She then mentioned that they'd wanted to admit her but she'd refused and gone home without treatment.

She's not prone to being dramatic, especially on fb.

So I was trying to contact her to tell her to go back to A&E, no response to phone or messages.
I was genuinely that she might deteriorate during the night and the children, who were all pre-schoolers/babies might wake in the morning to find her non-responsive or unable to get help.

I didn't call the police, but I managed to message her neighbour (found through Facebook) so she took her back to A&E and looked after the children.
If I hadn't been able to contact the neighbour then, yes, I would have called the police.

At the time she wasn't too impressed with me (I got a series of messages calling me bossy and worse!), however when she got back home she admitted that she had been told that if she hadn't gone back in then by the morning her chances of survival would have been considerably reduced as the infection had already spread rapidly in the hours between her leaving and going back in.

It's better to check than risk it.

Similar happened to my friend, funny symptoms but she declared she was just tired. Thank god a 'worrier' made her go to A&E and sat there with her, because within a few hours she was unconscious, and had to be resuscitated. I would have trusted my normally very sensible & capable friend to make her own judgement on her health - it would have been a disaster.

I'm very grateful for people like you @MargaretThursday Flowers

backtolifebacktoreality · 04/01/2022 18:04

A friend wasn't feeling well recently and went to bed.

A friend of theirs decided to go round as they were concerned as they hadn't heard from them. They ended up in ICU with sepsis!

RussianSpy101 · 04/01/2022 18:08

YABU.
Your attention seeking post got attention.

ThinWomansBrain · 04/01/2022 18:18

when I had covid, I felt I could have slept 24/7. I was woken up by my cat shewing my wrist - beyound her meal time.
I kept having visions that if anything happened, people would eventually find a half eaten corpse.

Onesnowynight · 04/01/2022 19:27

@Butchyrestingface

There's a massive leap between caring about someone's well-being & reporting them as a missing person, for a 4 day absence.

Remember the murders of Shannon Watts and her kids in the States a few years ago?

Such was the victim's excessive use of social media and texting, that when she hadn't responded to her friend's texts by 8 am (!) on the morning of the murders, friend called the cops.

Am thinking the OP must also be a very prolific user of FB.

This is what I was thinking of as I read this
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