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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex feeding 20 month old 10 month+ baby food

115 replies

Covidtrap · 04/01/2022 08:43

This has really annoyed me and i dont know if i am being unreasonable. So my ex dropped of our son earlier the other night (6.30pm) i asked if he had dinner and he said no ive left his dinner in the bag. When i looked theres two pouches of 10 month plus baby food.. spaghetti bolognaise with lumps and chunks... looks like mush and also liquid cottage pie. Aibu to be furious at this? He eats normal solid food, i am even considering this as a form of neglect or pure laziness. At least buy an appropriate age group of pre made food. Should i say something and if so what?

OP posts:
TheGoldenWolfFleece · 04/01/2022 08:46

How often does he have him? A couple of pouches of baby food isn't going to hurt him. You could mention that he's able to eat x y z. If he doesn't have him a lot he might not know what a nearly 2 year old eats.

araiwa · 04/01/2022 08:46

Neglect is a very serious word and yabu to use it in this way

Blossomtoes · 04/01/2022 08:47

You’re looking very hard indeed for reasons to get angry.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 04/01/2022 08:47

And no it's not neglect ffs. Neglect would be not feeding him at all, not buying pre made food with an arbitrary age that the manufacturer has put on there.

ApolloandDaphne · 04/01/2022 08:48

It is possibly lazy but it is not neglect. Your DS is being fed, albeit not on food of your choosing. Just let it go. This is not worth falling out over.

NellieBertram · 04/01/2022 08:48

Pouch food isn’t neglect and it won’t harm your child. This isn’t something to get angry about.

BingoLingFucker · 04/01/2022 08:49

It’s food.
It might not be ideal, or what you would choose, but it’s not neglect.

HardbackWriter · 04/01/2022 08:50

Furious might be a bit far but - unlike PP - I do think this is really crap and lazy and it would annoy me greatly that he couldn't be bothered to this extent.

Toomanypeople · 04/01/2022 08:50

Lazy yes, but neglect would be not feeding him

Ozanj · 04/01/2022 08:52

It is neglect to feed a 3+ old pouch food because it won’t be filling them up, but not a 1.5 yo like your son. Just leave the pouch in his bag for your ex to use and crack on

2TurtleDovesInARow · 04/01/2022 08:52

I would just remind him that your son can eat normal food (cut appropriately) and leave it at that.

StrawberrySanta · 04/01/2022 08:53

I wouldn't get this mad about it but just tell him he's too old for those but he could get these ready meals instead (send link/pictures) or say his favourite foods are x y z if he wants to make those instead. I'd educate instead of getting into an argument over it

GalacticGoddess · 04/01/2022 08:54

Not neglect unless your DC has specific health needs that he isn't meeting - HOWEVER. I would be incredibly annoyed at the sheer laziness.

It's not enough to be 'feeding him', he needs to be trying to offer him nutrition appropriate to his age and stage of development to promote good eating habits where possible. Don't get me wrong, pouches and jars won't kill him but why is he using them if he doesn't need to at this age.

Maybe have a calm chat with him about the types of food your DC eats and some of his favourite meals that are simple to make?

Clarkey86 · 04/01/2022 08:59

Is he doing it deliberately or is he just a bit dim? Some people just have no concept of where little children are developmentally

I think just bluntly say “He’s way too old for these now - try these instead.” Then like you say it might not be the greatest but at least he can buy some of the toddler ready meals.

Landof · 04/01/2022 09:03

Absolutely not neglect. I think you obviously have issues with your ex, which may be understandable, but a couple of pouches is fine. The 10 months part is just the minimum they can eat it.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 04/01/2022 09:08

I’d not be furious though perhaps a bit exasperated. It’s definitely not neglect.

Like others have suggested, I’d just tell him - he may just be ignorant. Either send a text etc or buy a couple of nicer looking toddler ready meals and hand them over as an example but no need to be nasty about it.

DropYourSword · 04/01/2022 09:12

It’s kind of lazy, but to be furious about it and equating it to neglect is quite an overreaction.

lynntheyresexswappers · 04/01/2022 09:18

@ApolloandDaphne

It is possibly lazy but it is not neglect. Your DS is being fed, albeit not on food of your choosing. Just let it go. This is not worth falling out over.
This. Just mention he can eat other things. It's nowhere near neglect Hmm
SwimmingIntoMotherhood · 04/01/2022 09:19

Yabu to even think about terming this as neglect

Give your head a wobble and get a grip

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 04/01/2022 09:23

You are over reacting but I get where you are coming from . I'm the same with my ex he is SO lazy , and I suspect this thing with the food is just one of many .

Nomoreporridge872 · 04/01/2022 09:25

You’re furious about other things, not this. He’s presumably lazy about other stuff, which is why this has worked you up so much. I would be annoyed too, but as other pps have said, it won’t do your son any harm . Does he return home incredibly hungry? I’d probably want to have some idea of what else your ex is feeding him. If nothing else it’s helpful to know when you have a fussy eater who won’t eat the same thing twice in a row

KevinTheKoala · 04/01/2022 09:25

It's not neglect, my SIL feeds my nephew these pouches/baby foods and the pack says nutritionally complete up to 3 years (so I have been told I would need to check that). It is by no means ideal and I do think at 20 months old they would be better off with normal meals that the rest of the family eat, it would also be cheaper and more convenient but the child is being fed. There are bigger things to worry about and it's not all the time because you don't feed them these pouches so they do also get solid food as well.

Brieandcamembert · 04/01/2022 09:25

Actually this is very serious. It could cause feeding difficulties further down the line.

KiloWhat · 04/01/2022 09:25

Not neglect unless there is further context or your child is hungry and malnourished. Does he have your son often? I would just say something like oh I noticed son had pouches for food, they are for much younger babies really, let me know if you want me to help you find something more age appropriate and preprepared or he can just eat what you eat.

KurtWilde · 04/01/2022 09:25

I occasionally get one of them for 2yo as he still enjoys them, and the 7 month + fruit purée pouches for the same reason. An occasional one doesn't hurt and he has a balanced diet. The + means above this age, so really nothing to get worked up about imo. I'm neither lazy nor neglectful, he just still enjoys one sometimes! He also still likes rusks 🤷🏻‍♀️

If clearly bothers you though so just a straightforward 'he's too old for them now' and suggest a meal you know your toddler likes. Kicking off is unlikely to help because (unfortunately) at the end of the day you don't really have much of a say over what your ex feeds him during his time.

Exh went through a phase of only giving DC a cheapy microwave ready meal during visits. Those really bog standard ones. But they'd been fed - albeit in a pretty lazy fashion - and despite me not being thrilled about it there's really not much you can do other than say I'd rather you didn't give them that for xyz reason and hope they take it on board. It's crap but it's true.