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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex feeding 20 month old 10 month+ baby food

115 replies

Covidtrap · 04/01/2022 08:43

This has really annoyed me and i dont know if i am being unreasonable. So my ex dropped of our son earlier the other night (6.30pm) i asked if he had dinner and he said no ive left his dinner in the bag. When i looked theres two pouches of 10 month plus baby food.. spaghetti bolognaise with lumps and chunks... looks like mush and also liquid cottage pie. Aibu to be furious at this? He eats normal solid food, i am even considering this as a form of neglect or pure laziness. At least buy an appropriate age group of pre made food. Should i say something and if so what?

OP posts:
SoftPillow · 04/01/2022 09:26

Not something I'd be furious about, sometimes we used pouches for slightly older children if we were travelling or it just happened to be needed / convenient.

If it was all meals, yes a concern, but fine as an occasional thing.

AuntieStella · 04/01/2022 09:27

In the long run, a suboptimal diet at one parent's house isn't going to matter at all.

If you must say anything, say 'he's moved on from those, and needs these now' and give an example of stuff you think more appropriate

XP will either get the idea or not. But never lose sight of your DC's interests here. The relationship with his DDad is way more important than the nutritional content and texture of a few meals

Outlyingtrout · 04/01/2022 09:27

I’d be really fucked off about this. He’s his dad FGS. You shouldn’t need to educate him about what his own child needs to eat. This is just lazy and shows a complete lack of interest in his son’s development. It’s exactly the kind of thing my dad would have done when we were little because he thought things like raising children were women’s work.
In the interests of the co-parenting relationship, I’d grit my teeth and just tell him that this isn’t the kind of food that’s appropriate for a 20 month old and that your son eats normal family food (obviously low salt content and cut up as necessary).

grapewine · 04/01/2022 09:29

@araiwa

Neglect is a very serious word and yabu to use it in this way
Absolutely. You're not helping yourself throwing words around like this.
KevinTheKoala · 04/01/2022 09:30

Just looked the baby food my SIL feeds my nephew are suitable for 1-5 years, so not quite 10m but the consistency is the same as the 10m pouches.

KalvinPhillipsManBun · 04/01/2022 09:30

@Covidtrap

This has really annoyed me and i dont know if i am being unreasonable. So my ex dropped of our son earlier the other night (6.30pm) i asked if he had dinner and he said no ive left his dinner in the bag. When i looked theres two pouches of 10 month plus baby food.. spaghetti bolognaise with lumps and chunks... looks like mush and also liquid cottage pie. Aibu to be furious at this? He eats normal solid food, i am even considering this as a form of neglect or pure laziness. At least buy an appropriate age group of pre made food. Should i say something and if so what?
Hardly neglect when he is feeding his little one! I think you seem to be looking for a fight really, work with him for the best interests of your little one, I would be more concerned if he did not feed him at all
erinaceus · 04/01/2022 09:33

Is this incident part of a bigger pattern of problems?

If you are able to, try to stay calm, and explain to your ex the type of food that is more age-appropriate for your son as he grows. Maybe give your ex some options e.g. would you like some recipes or suggestions for pre-made foods that are more appropriate but not more effort than pouches.

EishetChayil · 04/01/2022 09:33

My 16-month-old has a pouch meant for younger babies every so often. I don't think it's a huge issue.

Grasshopper90 · 04/01/2022 09:33

I can understand the annoyance but it’s possible he just doesn’t realise what appropriate food for a 1.5 year old is.

We went on a holiday last year and my DH suggested picking up a few Ella’s Kitchen pouches for our DD, who was a similar age. I was quick to point out she was well beyond them but he was he just being a bit of an idiot, defs not neglectful.

I wouldn’t make too much of a thing of it but you could let him know what he does normally have for dinner these days.

KalvinPhillipsManBun · 04/01/2022 09:34

@Brieandcamembert

Actually this is very serious. It could cause feeding difficulties further down the line.
Oh behave, it's not serious at all
FallonCarringtonWannabe · 04/01/2022 09:34

It is not neglect. But it is absolutely unreasonable behaviour on his part. Bone idleness.

However, the standards for fathers are on the floor, so you will have pages and pages of people telling you as long as the child has been fed something, it is fine.

It isnt fine. And nobody on here would ever say it is acceptable for an 18 month old child to only eat mushy baby food. If it isn't acceptable for the mother to do it, why is not acceptable for the father to do it?

Speak to him calmly though. Or text. ‘I noticed the baby food packets in child’s bag. Baby food is no longer suitable for child. Give me a shout if you want me to send you in the direction of age appropriate recipes. See you next week.’

LowlandLucky · 04/01/2022 09:36

Got to be better than chicken nuggets and chips !

Cuddlemuffin · 04/01/2022 09:37

Maybe he doesn't know your son has moved on from those pouches. If give him the benefit of the doubt and just say a sandwich or pasta and sauce is easy and more appropriate for his age. I suspect he will be very defensive if you mention the word 'neglect' which in this situation seems unreasonable.

Sceptre86 · 04/01/2022 09:38

What's his reasoning? Have you talked about it? Are they out a lot so it's more convenient?

I think it's lazy parenting and I would be angry if my nearly 2 year old was being fed 10 month age pouches. Maybe neglect is the wrong word to use but it's crap parenting and you are not being unreasonable to be unhappy. It's what you do about it that matters!

stingofthebutterfly · 04/01/2022 09:38

Bloody hell it's not neglect. If he'd have fed him soup would you have had a problem? No, you wouldn't. It's almost the same thing. Stop trying to make out he's a shit dad.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 04/01/2022 09:38

@AuntieStella

In the long run, a suboptimal diet at one parent's house isn't going to matter at all.

If you must say anything, say 'he's moved on from those, and needs these now' and give an example of stuff you think more appropriate

XP will either get the idea or not. But never lose sight of your DC's interests here. The relationship with his DDad is way more important than the nutritional content and texture of a few meals

So you would be happy with the op just feeding pouches of baby food?

Because i think you know that's a lie.

What you mean is In the long run, a suboptimal diet at the father’s house isn't going to matter at all as long as the mother feeds the child appropriately all other times

NellieBertram · 04/01/2022 09:38

@Brieandcamembert

Actually this is very serious. It could cause feeding difficulties further down the line.
Don't be silly Grin Lots of toddlers have occasional baby pouches. Many much older children regularly have yoghurt pouches.
Skyeheather · 04/01/2022 09:39

I fed my first pouches, jars and homemade until he was three. I used to choose flavours he would like over age on the pack. 10 months+ just means it's suitable for babies over 10 months being traditionally weaned. Okay the pouch is probably a bit runny but it's no different from giving him soup. My son is five and still has the fruit pouches, I struggle to get him to eat actual fruit but he'll eat every bit of a pouch, it's not killing him (just costs me more!).

MerryChristmas21 · 04/01/2022 09:40

It's better than him feeding him McDonalds or or stuff from Greg's etc.it won't do DS any harm IF he'll eat it! I know lots of kids that's 'eat' the sweet ones, but not the savoury ones, once they eat 'normal' food.

It's not something worth a row over. There will be plenty of other things, so save your fury for those.

trevthecat · 04/01/2022 09:41

Fgs, neglect?? Are you serious? You need to look up what neglect actually means.

inheritancetrack · 04/01/2022 09:42

Your ex is presumably a first time parent, and didn't think or look at the packets. Believe it or not, some people really don't have a clue what toddlers eat, so just tell him.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 04/01/2022 09:43

Hang on a minute, is the father your ex who is the drug addict?

AuntieStella · 04/01/2022 09:44

So you would be happy with the op just feeding pouches of baby food?

No, that's why what I posted was "In the long run, a suboptimal diet at one parent's house isn't going to matter at all"

And I did take it as read that OP was providing a better diet. Someone who wasn't simply wouldn't have noticed anything to post about

ThorsLeftNut · 04/01/2022 09:45

You think it’s neglect because he’s eating a food you wouldn’t choose?
Yes it’s ‘younger’ than he is currently at and smoother than the old you offer him but atleast he’s being fed albeit in a lazy fashion.
You’d be here posting about McDonald’s/takeaways/the wrong food no matter what by the sounds of it.

Kitkat151 · 04/01/2022 09:45

Look up the criteria for neglect as defined by your local authority Children’s services safeguarding Team.....I can assure you this is not neglect ....talk to your ex