Ex feeding 20 month old 10 month+ baby food

[Covidtrap]

This has really annoyed me and i dont know if i am being unreasonable. So my ex dropped of our son earlier the other night (6.30pm) i asked if he had dinner and he said no ive left his dinner in the bag. When i looked theres two pouches of 10 month plus baby food.. spaghetti bolognaise with lumps and chunks... looks like mush and also liquid cottage pie. Aibu to be furious at this? He eats normal solid food, i am even considering this as a form of neglect or pure laziness. At least buy an appropriate age group of pre made food. Should i say something and if so what?

When I worked in a CP team, this would be classed as neglect, for a child already on a plan. Supporting development is important. But we'd use education to change it. In some parent's case it was a fear of choking that meant that they didn't feed them solids. We'd work with them so they realised the difference between choking and gagging and how important it was to build up the muscles in the throat and mouth. Your ex might have the same issues. Rather than get angry have a chat with him about development. It's better that he's treating him younger than older, that would flag safety concerns.

@Brieandcamembert

Actually this is very serious. It could cause feeding difficulties further down the line.

Are you okay?!😂

@Kitkat151
"Look up the criteria for neglect as defined by your local authority Children’s services safeguarding Team"

We shouldn't base our parenting on that.

@Ponoka7

When I worked in a CP team, this would be classed as neglect, for a child already on a plan. Supporting development is important. But we'd use education to change it. In some parent's case it was a fear of choking that meant that they didn't feed them solids. We'd work with them so they realised the difference between choking and gagging and how important it was to build up the muscles in the throat and mouth. Your ex might have the same issues. Rather than get angry have a chat with him about development. It's better that he's treating him younger than older, that would flag safety concerns.

Having a one off pouch of food🙄 definately wouldn’t meet the threshold .....SW have better things to do.

There’s a difference between “not as good as I would do” and “neglect”

Just talk to your ex. “Hi thanks for sending the meal pouches. I’ve actually passed them to a friend as Bob eats all normal food now, no baby foods. He’ll join in with whatever the grown ups are having. Happy to send ideas if you get stuck.”

@SlashBeef

Brieandcamembert

"Actually this is very serious. It could cause feeding difficulties further down the line.
Are you okay?!"

I've seen that in children whose whole development wasn't supported. But that child was with the parent 24/7. Obviously in a shared access situation, it isn't going to.

[quote Ponoka7]@Kitkat151
"Look up the criteria for neglect as defined by your local authority Children’s services safeguarding Team"

We shouldn't base our parenting on that.[/quote]
Not saying you should.....but parenting Doesn’t always have to be ‘good’ in children’s servives eyes.....they are happy with ‘good enough’.....like I said OP should talk to her ex

I’d be angry too, they might be ‘nutritionally complete’ but solids are really important for development. There is research that shows eating these foods after 8/9 months increases the likelihood eating and speech problems. There is absolutely no need for them, there are perfectly fine ready meals by Annabel Carmel and little dish if he can’t/won’t make proper food.

Very annoying and lazy yes. But no it is not neglect. Suggest other pre made food for him to buy.

And yet again on here the bar has been set low for a lazy man.

If this was a man saying the child's mother doesn't feed age appropriate normal food for a nearly two year old and is still feeding the kid baby food she'd be getting hauled over hot coals.

The OP is an adult and a parent and has worked out on her own that a 20 month old can eat a smaller portion of whatever the family is having for dinner;the kids dad is an adult and a parent too and capable of working it out;he just choses not too.

Why should us won

Posted too soon.

Why should us women have to teach men to parent?

I’m an adult and like the fruit pouches that are targeted at 4 mths+. I think you need to look at the wider picture and also be very thankful that you are privileged enough to be able to view something like this as neglect.

I’d be annoyed. More at the fact a 20 month old hasn’t had dinner at 6.30 though.

The pouches, do you actually know that’s what ex feeds DS all the time? Could be an occasional thing and he just grabbed them as he needed something that he could put in a bag. If it’s all the time then I would say something like you know he really ought to move on to normal food now.

I still occasionally give my almost 3 year old those pouches, especially if we need a quick lunch and he's been a fussy eater lately and I'm worried about him needing to get the calories in.

@FallonCarringtonWannabe

It is not neglect. But it is absolutely unreasonable behaviour on his part. Bone idleness.

However, the standards for fathers are on the floor, so you will have pages and pages of people telling you as long as the child has been fed something, it is fine.

It isnt fine. And nobody on here would ever say it is acceptable for an 18 month old child to only eat mushy baby food. If it isn't acceptable for the mother to do it, why is not acceptable for the father to do it?

Speak to him calmly though. Or text. ‘I noticed the baby food packets in child’s bag. Baby food is no longer suitable for child. Give me a shout if you want me to send you in the direction of age appropriate recipes. See you next week.’

This. I'm astonished at the people saying that it's fine to be so completely lazy about feeding the child because he might not see him much. Surely that's all the more reason to put a bit of effort in? If someone is making 21 meals a week for a child I can see why they'd use a few really quick/easy options for some of those (though I still wouldn't give pouches to a child not far off two). If you're only making them food occasionally, though, it's hard to see why you can't do a proper job of it.

Or perhaps it was a quick grab and go because he brought him back early.

I used them the odd time when DS was that age if we were out and about. They're just vegetables really aren't they? Not like he's chucking him a bag of crisps and a Mars bar. I wouldn't judge a mum for using these sometimes so why would I judge his dad?

It's not age appropriate but he's provided food, even if it's not what your son would normally eat. I'd just tell him that he needs something more suitable for his age next time. A pouch of baby food won't hurt your son even though he's older than 10 months. It's a bit mean to suggest it's neglect.

It's really lazy and I have i'd be disappointed my child at any age was being fed those brown mushy pouches. It's hardly food, acceptable in an emergency but not if he only has him every so often and can't be arsed to make any effort.

I'd be having a chat and asking him if he'd want to eat them.

Surely yes it could cause issues. At that age mine sat at the table with a plate and cutlery not slurping baby food...
What a lazy arsed individual.. What happens when your dc is out of nappies. Bet he still uses them.
Keep a diary op. He is showing you his parenting capabilities.. One day a court may need to read it.

There's so much back story here if you're accusing your ex of neglect based on pouch food.

YABU to use the word 'neglect' based on this, I couldn't even get wound up about it. Is it a bit lazy? Yep. Is it neglect? Absolutely not

You’d be here posting about McDonald’s/takeaways/the wrong food no matter what by the sounds of it.

Yes, because feeding a 20 month old McDonald's also wouldn't be good enough..? I'd complain about that too. Simply feeding a child is a very low bar.

OP as others have said I'd just say "He's too old for these now, he needs these." Annoying to have to be the one to tell him but it is what it is.

I think that's really shit and totally lazy. I have an 18 month old who would be totally starving if I gave him a pouch of mush. Is he always lazy? Your child must be walking and talking a bit, - does he not have him very often?

@sopsmum

I think that's really shit and totally lazy. I have an 18 month old who would be totally starving if I gave him a pouch of mush. Is he always lazy? Your child must be walking and talking a bit, - does he not have him very often?

Depends on the child really ,my totally healthy 5ft 10" fifteen year old survived on bread and cheese for about a year when he was about two ,I used to despair about his diet it gradually got more varied as he got older

He has him one day a week for those wondering how regularly it happens. Perhaps neglect was a harsh term but i am disappointed he isnt even giving him proper food even a ready meal you stick in the microwave would be more age appropriate (providing salt intake is watched) im not the perfect parent i have treated him to mc donalds once or twice or milky buttons but i wouldnt give him 10 month baby food i would worry is he meeting his daily calorie requirements, is it filling enough? If hes ever awake when he comes back from dads hes straight into the fridge looking for fruit/yogurts whatever nay be there. His dad also lives at home with his mother so i assume they all eat baby glop for dinner? As other posters have said he could have what their having.