How do I know if I'm depressed because I hate my job…

[Ste23321]

How do I know if I'm depressed because I hate my job or if I hate my job because I'm depressed?

The thought of going back tomorrow is causing my immense anxiety.

When I was a teacher, I was depressed. I'd imagine ways in which I could get out of having to go to work, such as driving into a brick wall. I didn't want to kill myself, just be seriously injured enough to have to spend a considerable amount of time in hospital and then recuperate at home. This went on for years. Anything was preferable to going to work. It was truly awful.

I knew it was the job that was making me depressed as there was a time each year when I didn't feel like this. At some point during the summer holidays, I felt like me again, happy and 'normal'. That short time when I wasn't still stressed from the year that had ended or stressed about the year that was to begin, was bliss, but was just a week or so. That's what made me realised it was the job.

I moved schools, but it was the same so I moved schools again...the same again. I left the profession and I was back to my old self again. Almost instantly. Leaving teaching saved my life.

How do I know if I'm depressed because I hate my job or if I hate my job because I'm depressed? The thought of going back tomorrow is causing my immense anxiety.
It's difficult to know without giving it a little time and see if there's a repeating pattern. A lot of people are feeling anxious about work tomorrow, which is normal after a bit of a break, but if your thoughts about it are invasive and extreme, then it could possibly be your job that it the cause.

@RingPiece I’m actually a teacher myself! I’m in secondary. I feel exactly what you have written.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It's almost definitely the job. The last school I worked in I would say 85% of teachers, TAs and support staff there felt like this. Start to make plans to leave, achievable plans. Thinking that you're not going to be teaching forever helps a little.

I went to my GP and told them how I was feeling. I was signed off straight away but I still went into work as I knew that SLT would make life even more difficult for me for having time off. The second time I went to my GP ( by now I hadn't slept in days, had very high blood pressure and was vomiting throughout the school day) they insisted I had a week off. Each day that week I was pestered by SLT and couldn't properly switch off; I was still so anxious. I ended up getting advice from the union but leaving before involving them.

It took me a year to leave from the moment I decided that was what I had to do to actually walking out the door and never going back. I was a great feeling. I just left all my books and resources as I knew I'd never need them again. I will never ever go back.

Sorry you went through that @RingPiece. It’s an awful feeling isn’t it.

I’m giving my notice in tomorrow!

I’m a teacher too and also have that feeling of dread going back tomorrow! I’m currently in bed with my lap to open cracking on with some work, but because I’m in bed it feels better 😳

I am in an SEN school and the work load is so much lower than mainstream. I am 4yrs in and have told myself not to climb the ladder, stay where I am, and have no promotion ambition. This works in keeping me sane and actually enjoying my job.

I do cpd which suits me when I want and keeps my brain ticking, but I also love for the weekends and holidays. Any additional work I have I will try to do in the evenings. ( Except today!)

@MsWalterMitty thank you for your response. I’ve always wondered about SEN schools. I’ve seen a job advertised near me for an SEN school.

I just hate the fact they keep adding to my workload snd there’s no monetary gains. If I left abs got sane job elsewhere I would be doing considerably less! Most teachers in the school are newly qualified so they don’t realise how much advantage is being taken of us.

Omg my typos are embarrassing! So sorry. I’m typing this on my phone whilst feeding little one so that’s my excuse!

Ex teacher here. Everything you and @RingPiece have said was true for me, too. It definitely sounds like the job is causing the dread. After twenty years, I decided life was too short to be doing something that was making me miserable and I quit teaching. I moved to an office-based private sector job and genuinely couldn’t believe how cushy it was. I actually found it odd that I could go to the toilet when I needed to, rather than waiting for a bell, which says it all. Having a proper lunch break was fantastic, as was saying goodbye to the marking and constant box ticking. I did that for two years while getting a plan together to be self-employed which I am now and I can honestly say I sleep well, relax when I’m on holiday, have family time and a much less stressed life.

Full time teachers are bloody heroes. I think being part-time changes the balance as most schools let you drop having a form / attending assemblies and you have a reduction in break duties, cover, marking, parents’ eves etc etc. I don’t know how anyone over 35 has the stamina to do it full time. It nearly broke me. I left at 39. Hats off to them.

Ps I’m also secondary. I bet the second you hand your notice in, you feel better. The night I quit, I slept like I’d had tranquillisers. Update us on how you are doing

Awful to see so many teachers here feeling this way about their jobs, I'm so sorry. Something clearly needs to change in the education system if we have so many teachers with depression and so many desperate to leave the profession.

was depressed. I'd imagine ways in which I could get out of having to go to work, such as driving into a brick wall. I didn't want to kill myself, just be seriously injured enough to have to spend a considerable amount of time in hospital and then recuperate at home. This went on for years. Anything was preferable to going to work. It was truly awful.

I've felt like this too. My cbt therapist says it's a very common symptom of burnout.

Just editing to say - I did include my degree years of training in schools in that 20 year period, in case anyone wonders why the dates don’t add up and thinks I’m making it up!

I was a secondary teacher for 25 years. It made me immensely depressed and anxious.

Since getting ill health retirement I feel like a different person.

It’s the job unfortunately. Going part time didn’t make any difference.

I was a primary school teacher and felt exactly the same as you, including crashing my car to have time off. I lost my identity and my confidence was at all time low. I quit and starting working for a local authority and haven't looked back since.

Working for an LA is so flexible and I've been able to climb the ladder and maintain a similar salary. I think the most important thing about my job now is I know I can do it well and throughout my whole teaching career I never once felt that, only stress and an unachievable workload. Good luck for tomorrow, you will feel a great sense of relief!

This is a very sad state for our hard-working dedicated teachers to be in. Feel very sorry for you all.

I'm not a teacher but I hate my job and I often consider having a car accident on the way to work so I can have time off.
I'm looking for another job but virtually everything I could earn would be wiped out in childcare so I'm stuck in a job that makes me depressed.
No advice I'm afraid OP apart from changing career which I know isn't as easy as it sounds. I really hope that things get better for you.

When I was teaching it was the same story. I loved the students and the actual teaching, but the rest of it (the bulk of the work) was just exhausting and so pointless. I definitely became burned out.

I specifically remember googling how I could break my own arm, so I could get some time off. And one other day when I was driving to work and had this overwhelming urge to just abandon my car in the traffic and walk off. The only reason I didn't was because of the inconvenience it would cause to other drivers if I did it.

My DS was 18 when I quit. He told me the job was killing me and I had to stop. I felt like I became me again afterwards, rather than the uptight, defensive, snarling mess I had become.

Is there anything else you would like to do OP? You could resign at Easter and this could be your final academic year, giving you time to find something new. I also found that once I had resigned, I could just focus on the elements of the job that I enjoyed, and that made the biggest impact on my students, and there was fuck all SLT could do about it

Thank you all for your support. I feel so stuck there. Staff turnover is very high. I dread going in. It’s just everything about the place depresses me. There’s a really bitchy and stuck up receptionist who I see every morning! I know it’s not that but it’s like the moment I walk in to moment I leave it’s just so toxic. I stay in my room at break times and lunchtimes,

I made mistake once to venture out and chat with colleagues. There was literally nothing controversial I said but they are so gossipy so I keep my distance now. It’s a horrible environment. I love the kids that’s why stick it out snd I will miss them greatly, one or two parents make my life miserable too - not just me but every subject teacher has issue with these particular parents but as I feel low it gets me more. There so much more I wish I could write but then might become identifiable.

OP - I feel your pain.

Nothing is worth your health. I started to feel better once I planned my exit. It took a year, but every day I counted down one day to my final day. It took me about 2 years after leaving to really feel myself again.

From what you have written, it does seem to be your job that is making you depressed. I have found some respite in the middling independent sector. Though it definitely is not a cure-all as elements of state are creeping in, which will probably get worse. I have a plan to leave teaching in the medium term. I will be gone in my mid 40s. It is a young person's game.

I started to feel better once I planned my exit. It took a year, but every day I counted down one day to my final day. It took me about 2 years after leaving to really feel myself again.

This is so true. Once I properly started to plan my exit, life was a little easier. It took me a year to leave and I counted down the days. I did that savings thing where you save 1p on the first day, 2 p on the second and so on. That helped with the count down and reminding me of what was in sight. When I think back to how I was feeling at the time, I cry. It all comes flooding back and I can't believe how hopeless I felt. Once you realise teaching isn't a life sentence, that you can leave, it does get better.

However, my 'escape' could have happened a lot sooner. I moved schools a couple of times thinking it was the school, not the job and I wasted some years doing that, only to find it's really the same old shit wherever you go.

There’s a fb group called ‘Life after Teaching’

It’s really helpful in getting you out. It’s got something like 45000 members. So obviously everyone loves their jobs

Yeah. Parents can be hard work, years ago before cctv and safeguarding, a parent wandered into a maths classroom and smacked the teacher.

Another ex-teacher here who felt exactly the same until I quit teaching. So much happier now.

Feeling the same. Also a teacher! Such anxiety and dread at going back. I want to quit but I don't know what else I could do.

Another teacher joining here! It's only my first year and my doctor wants to sign me off with stress. But, I feel guilty and that I'm failing myself and the children in my class. I thought that the holidays would give me a respite but I've actually spent the break crying because I love being a teacher but the bullshit that comes with it is too consuming.

Not wanting to derail the thread and make it about me, but coming together in solidarity @Ste23321