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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I know if I'm depressed because I hate my job…

58 replies

Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 09:26

How do I know if I'm depressed because I hate my job or if I hate my job because I'm depressed?

The thought of going back tomorrow is causing my immense anxiety.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 03/01/2022 16:14

Another teacher here. It’s such a shame because there wouldn’t be a teacher shortage if the job wasn’t so horrible.

I am constantly looking for an escape route.

BobbinThreadbare123 · 03/01/2022 16:15

Same here! I used to imagine crashing my car on the way to school each day - a severe maiming rather than death. Awful. I quit teaching and felt immediately better. My job since has its stresses but I can leave them at work, they don't follow me home and people aren't nearly so rude. Took me a few years to get rid of the "teaching a bad lesson" nightmares and to stop expecting every conversation with my line manager to be negative. I was a pretty good teacher, too, particularly for A Level. That doom feeling can be banished, OP. It's your body's way of telling you to do something else.

bobsholi · 03/01/2022 16:20

I also work in education and I'm a complete mess at the thought of going in tomorrow. Financially I'm stuck there for the time being, but I'm hoping that by the end of the year I'll be working my way towards something better.

hoochyhag · 03/01/2022 16:21

Same here, teacher for 23 years who got out. I felt the same as you op. It just sounds like such a toxic workplace as well as the actual teaching being massively hard.
Work out an exit strategy, trouble is the job is so tough you often don't have time to think or plan for this!
I ended up off sick for a while, at which time I applied for a funded MA course. Then resigned. The union were a bit meh.
It's such a pity for the children, it used to be that teachers were just allowed to be professionals and to get on with doing a good job.
I think things really need to change, as a young teacher in London I loved the work.
Much love to all on here worrying about going back. There is a life beyond teaching, be brave and give it a go.

RingPiece · 03/01/2022 16:26

I think the key thing is to start to plan your exit from the profession, not just the school. Look at 2022 as the year when you really start to make real workable plans and get the ball rolling to leave. My final year of teaching was awful obviously, but I had the end in sight and my focus was on that, not on all the crap that forms the daily grind of the job.

earsup · 03/01/2022 16:28

Oh....what you wrote reminds me of all the strategies I would think of to avoid going back next term...my last 3 years were awful...sometimes I would just drive past the college, park up, text the manager and say i had flu etc and then drive to the sea or out to essex for the day and feel so happy....but then would have to go back after a few days or a week..eventually i got offered redundancy just before retirement so grabbed the deal....once i totally exaggerated a minor car crash....just a scrape but managed to get 2 weeks off with that one....nice gp did a cert for me....when you have these thoughts its time to go....so move on and be happy. best wishes .

Original poster
Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 17:15

@TotoAnnihiliation please post what you are going through. Do not think you are detailing the thread! Hopefully someone can advise you so please post here what’s been going on with you x

OP posts:
Original poster
Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 17:16

@earsup is college no better than schools then? I was considering a move to SEN school or a college

OP posts:
Original poster
Ste23321 · 03/01/2022 17:18

The issue is my child also attends the same school as me! In the primary part so I don’t see or teach my child during school day, but if I was to ever leave or get signed off things would be awkward as I would be doing drop off and pick ups so would see my colleagues - any tips on this please?

OP posts:
nimbus5000 · 03/01/2022 17:33

I’m not a teacher but completely understand the dread feeling for tomorrow OP. It’s been creeping up on me for days, such a shame as it has spoilt the last few days of the Christmas holiday. Going to try and move on to something else this year, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut and then think that you can’t change things. It’s started to take over every waking thought though so I know I can’t go on working there.

earsup · 03/01/2022 17:43

[quote Ste23321]@earsup is college no better than schools then? I was considering a move to SEN school or a college[/quote]
Hi
I was in an FE college for 27 years....mostly very happy until an evil nasty manager came along...useless woman and incompetent who bullied people and set traps for them....just awful..she left after 2 yeas so i outlived her....!! but did think many times about just leaving but heard the rumours of the redundancy payouts etc so i hung on.....my ex colleagues still there now only do a few days a week as so unhappy....i think 6th form colleges are better than FE...no idea about SEN....

TotoAnnihiliation · 03/01/2022 18:07

Aw thank you @Ste23321. I can't go into too much detail because it's outing, I know people always say this but if I leaked then I would be sacked!

The bits I can detail... the school took on quite a few NQTs or ECTs as we are now know. All of them left apart from me, the environment that I am in is not supportive.

Plans get changed last minute, included one notable morning when a TA was sent running into my classroom to tell me the task that I was setting the children off on had been changed. This was an assessed piece of work.

I have tried to cover myself my emailing points from meetings. And the replies I get are atrocious, "I don't know why this has come as a surprise to you... you are wrong and I am back peddling your make this right."

I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind, I get told one thing, do it, then get told that I've done it wrong. When I query it I get told x person was their and can verify what was said. This makes me feel like it's me, that my memory is failing.

I've promised support but it has not materialised.

My doctor has signed me off sick with stress. I've told the school this and they have asked me to go on for a training day tomorrow as seeing my colleagues might make feel better.

TotoAnnihiliation · 03/01/2022 18:07

Sorry about the typos, typing upset and trying not to put myself.

Tara336 · 03/01/2022 18:17

I know it’s my job making me depressed, I finally confessed this to my DH yesterday. It’s his company and I’m lucky in that I’m well paid and have flexible hours BUT I have to deal with the public and the behaviour I’ve had to endure this year has just got too much and I just don’t feel that I can cope with it anymore. The awful behaviour has been so bad I have sat in my car shaking at the thought of going into the office. No one should feel like that, i don’t want to let him down but I just can’t do it anymore. I recently had COVID and felt like death, he brought my lap top home so I could maybe work if I felt ok, one customer would not stop emailing me telling me how appalling it was that “I wouldn’t help immediately” despite me explaining I was at home sick with COVID as well as some other members of the team who had also contracted it! Ive been sworn at, shouted at and my husband had one customer threaten to visit our office and punch him because a supplier had delayed a delivery to us! It’s soul destroying knowing that I will have to go in there tomorrow and face it alone as DH has COVID now. I always imagine the people who are behaving like this are probably the same people who quote “be kind” which is quickly forgotten when things are not going their way and they want to take it out on someone.

flowerbubbles · 03/01/2022 18:25

Id imagine teaching is probably worse for this because you get longer breaks and therefore more time to enjoy off before the dreaded return. I'm not a teacher though but feel this whenever I have a long break.

Me and dh have been down all day. Do not want to work tomorrow! We are both deciding if it's the job or simply having to work at all. Not the same thing I know!

Daisy03 · 03/01/2022 18:29

I’m not a teacher, but I was lucky enough to take early retirement from a job I wasn’t happy in, after 20 years, I often used to wish myself Ill or injured to get time off.

In the 6 months since I left I’ve managed to wean myself off my anti depressants which I’m delighted with as I’ve been on them for years and never thought I’d be able to do without them. I feel far happier all round.
Obviously early retirement isn’t possible for everyone but perhaps some sort of change

Onesnowynight · 03/01/2022 18:48

You aren’t alone OP in your thoughts

OrangeBananaFish · 03/01/2022 18:59

I'm not a teacher, but have often felt the same. I was hoping for Covid to come along and put me out of action for a while. It came along, but was only like a cold for me.

My main problem is that I really don't know what else I want to do. The longer I have off, the harder it is to return. I had a week off in August and the feelings I felt the next day I was so close to not going back. I drop DS off at college on the way to work and have to backtrack a little bit and the temptation to just go home most mornings is huge.

I just feel trapped myself and can't see a way out. At 42 with very little savings retirement is a long long long way off.

lightswitchmoment · 03/01/2022 19:03

I read your post and knew you were a teacher. I feel the same, chest pain, butterflies, the dread. I'm actively developing my plan to get out and it's the only thing that keeps me going. Hoping to hand my notice in at some point this year. If only I didn't have to pay the bills!

CaptainChannel · 03/01/2022 19:06

I'm an ex teacher. The behaviour in my last school was so bad that I would wish myself harm on the way in so I didn't have a day of battles and being mocked/sworn at by teenagers. And my behaviour management was considered good.
I left after 11 years (I did enjoy the first 8!) as I wanted to go before I made myself very ill. I started a new job, pay is only slightly lower and it's mostly from home so I can pick up my children from school most days. I read three books over Christmas!
There's a supportive group on fb called Exit the Classroom and Thrive which supports teachers still in, and has so many ideas of other things you could do.

Original poster
Ste23321 · 04/01/2022 05:45

I’m feeling really anxious about giving my notice in today. Should I wait as it’s the first day and I do t want to overwhelm the headteacher?

I’m also panicking whether I send an email to line manager too.

I feel intense panic st the thought of doing this. That’s why I’ve stuck it out so long, it’s easier just staying and carrying on.

OP posts:
RingPiece · 04/01/2022 06:44

OP, when do you want to leave? At the end of this term? Then wait until just before half term to hand in your notice. If you don't want to teach again, then you could leave before then and hand it in today.

Original poster
Ste23321 · 04/01/2022 06:53

Hi Ring, I want to leave as soon as possible. It says 2 months notice in contract and certain times that you can leave, mine would be Easter leave now. I know many that have left before the stated terms, so I know it’s a possibility I can leave earlier.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ste23321 · 04/01/2022 06:54

I’m going to do supply till I decide my next steps. Already joined up lots of agencies, they just waiting on me to tell them my leaving date.

OP posts:
boomshakalacka · 04/01/2022 07:06

Hi OP. You don't need to email your line manager. Just a letter to your head and pop it in their inbox.

I've been where you are. I've had that feeling of dread in the morning and wanting to crash my car rather than going in. I've spent Sundays dreading Monday from the moment I woke up. I used to take different routes to my classroom to avoid offices where I knew certain SLT were. I did good things at the school and would find that they were never enough. I would be berated because members of my team were unhappy (because of issues outside of work that I had no control over at all) and I hadn't fixed the issues despite offering as much support as I could. I would get messages via other staff members summoning me to the head's office where I would be berated, with other SLT members present, for things I had not done and had absolutely no knowledge of.

I did a term and a half at the school in question and left to go on supply where I was in high demand because I am a good teacher. In fact, I'm now on the SLT at a lovely school where I am respected and valued.

Leave OP and don't look back. It may be that you hate teaching but more likely it's the toxic environment of your current school that is making you feel this way.
I will add that once I left, I discovered that loads of other staff at that school felt just as I did. I wasn't alone, although it felt that way at the time. I would bet my life that other people are feeling like you are right now.