If i was single would you xx

[ShakeysGirl]

This is a message dp has sent to someone one Facebook. I am fuming, i just called him and asked him why hes asked some girl this. He laughed am i being unreasonable to want to chop his nuts off?

Thanks for posting - thought I'd return the favour.

I'm sorry but it sounds like he's stringing you along. Out all night last night then straight out for curry tonight - you really do deserve better.

I know you say you love him but is all this hurt seriously worth it?

Have you had kids with him?

I have been where you are and I am telling you, you can't change him and it will only get worse.

I have been doing some more thinking about this and do you know the fact that you were doing stuff on Facebook at his request, suggests that he wanted you to find the message.

Perhaps its his way of saying, this is me, this is what I am like, take it or leave it.

Anyway only you can decide what to do, its easy for us on the Mumsnet jury to tell you to leave him and leave him now, but its not our partner. Madamez is very right, you have seen who the guy is and what he does and it's up to you how you take that forward.

The good news is that there are lots of affectionate, loving and romantic blokes out there that take a relationship seriously and don't flirt with other women. As they are honourable men (gosh sounds so old fashioned) you won't find them whilst you are with this chap.

Good luck.

Good post, Rookie.

he sounds like he's avoiding you now, staying at his mum's and going for a curry with the lads, when he knows you need him right now and need to talk to him.

If he was half decent he would have come home to comfort you and let you know he's sorry blah blah blah. He would also have come home if he was scared of loosing you. He osunds confident that no matter what he does, you won't leave. MAybe that's why he wasn't bothered whether you saw the message on facebook or not. He's playing you girl, and assuming you'll stay.

that is a good post rookie

I really agree, its easy to take one action out of context and blow it out of all proportion.

I also think he is bloody immature and is perhaps panicking about the permenance of the relationship or summat. I dunno.

This really is not how all men behave. Really really not. He does not sound as though he has any respect for you. I cannot in my wildest dreams imagine dp or I treating each other like this. I am not saying this to be smug or anything, I just want you to know that it is not normal to treat someone you love with this little respect.

They aren't his children but they have a great relationship. He was upset when he got home last night saying that he hoped i would have said no to him going for a curry. He said he was sorry that he was such an idiot, that he loves me and that he was thinking more and more about proposing (as if!) And then he cried. All the things that would normally have me comforting him and telling him its ok. But not this time. I went to sleep and he knows that im really not happy.

He's always been convinced i wont leave him but i think my reaction last night scared him. He kept asking if i loved him but he doesn't see that everytime he does this i love him less. He has no respect for me. I convince myself when he's not here that its over but then he holds me and it just melts away. I have always been the confident one that he wouldn't leave until he did but the tables have turned and i hate feeling so insecure. I just need to get xmas over so i can sort this.

Dangling you a line, I think with a hint at proposing.

If he didn't want to go for a curry he could have said no. He probably wanted you to say no so he could play the hard done by boyfriend to his mates. Not that I am cynical or anything.

SG, he sounds like more hassle than he's worth.

The 'mother issue' would be more than enough for me, but add this 'online tarting' into the mix, and his arse would be out on the pavement.

He could have refused to go for a curry himself - he doesn't need you to ban him from going!! It's courtesy to ask/let your dp know if you're going to be out and if they mind, whatever but this is the day after you found the message. Why does he need you to say no for him? Has the man no back bone he needs someone else to make his social arrangements . He wasn't backward in coming forward to this other girl.

It's up to you what you do but it sounds to me as though you have already decided that you are going to stay with him. I hope (sincerely) that it works out.

I don't think he wanted her to say don't go because he can't make his own arrangements.

No it's probably game playing.

Well he's just made my mind up for me. He was supposed to be here at 6 but has just called to say he has been arguing with his mum so hasn't had chance to eat yet. Which means he wont have time to be here between now and going to 'work' (unpaid djing with his mates at the pub) so wont be back til very late. I pointed out it was Christmas eve. Why do i bother. I've told him he'd better be making his way here. This can't wait until after Christmas, i've had enough of being treated like an idiot.

SG start the new year by dumping this twat.

Merry Christmas

agree with Rookie's post, especially the bit about there being better fish out there.

I had a lot of Mr Almost Alrights, In-betweens before I met dh. It was always the same question, if I could overlook some seemingly minor fault, he would be perfect and all the agonising that occurred. In the end, when I met dh, I had NO doubts. And he has been the perfect husband and father.

ShakeysGirl, I am saying you deserve better, much better. And you won't find him until you ditch this one.

oh sg I'm so for you

sounds like you've given him so many chances and he just doesn't realise how bloody lucky he's been

I really hope you and the dc have a lovely christmas

Do whatever you need to do to enjoy Christmas, be that staying with this immature moron man and not arguing for these few days or telling him to stay away, then as soon as you feel able to do it just dump the idiot. He is never going to grow up and Rookie is right, whilst you are wasting time on this man you are not meeting the decent blokes.

He was really upset when he got here. His mum has told him he's not welcome at theirs tomorrow evening because he takes her for granted in not staying there tonight or something. Sounds like something she'd say shes said similar before. Couldn't really talk cause the kids were around but he did say that he was really sorry and that he didn't want me to leave him and he'd realised what was important. He said he'd apologised to the girl on Facebook she was in the pub last night!!

shakey, correct me if im wrong, but isnt he the person who chose his mom over you?
he isnt the father of your children. he treats you liek a mistress, andnow this?
get rid of him.

Oh and she told him he was a disgrace and should think himself lucky he had such a lovely girlfriend. I told him i wasn't sure i wanted to be with him and would talk it through with him after xmas. He said it would never happen again, i was all he wanted etc. I've heard it all before tho. He was nearly 2 hours late to meet his mates. I've been sneaky and looked in his bag for my gifts. Theres also an unwrapped perfume which can't be for me as he have me the same one last week.

I just want to get through tomorrow. I don't want to ruin christmas for the boys.

i know shakey. you and me both.