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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If i was single would you xx

91 replies

ShakeysGirl · 22/12/2007 16:06

This is a message dp has sent to someone one Facebook. I am fuming, i just called him and asked him why hes asked some girl this. He laughed am i being unreasonable to want to chop his nuts off?

OP posts:
NAB3hundredbaubles · 22/12/2007 17:23

I would send you a back bone if I thought it would help.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 22/12/2007 17:23

I think that you know what you must do.

YuleLoveHekateAtSolstice · 22/12/2007 18:18

The internet doesn't screw up a family, Octo.

A twat screws up a family.

Internet may provide a way, but all that says is someone would do this as soon as they had a way.

Blaming the internet allows people to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, and stops the blame being placed correctly. People should behave well because it's the right thing to do, not because they haven't yet been provided with an opportunity to behave badly.

Shakeysgirl, he sounds like a really disrespectful person. Something needs to change.

Monkeytrousers · 22/12/2007 18:28

What a nob

SpacecadetLovesChristmas · 22/12/2007 18:29

ditch the loser..you deserve better

YummersBrandyAndMincePies · 22/12/2007 18:44

oh god, shakey, please get rid of this guy. if this is the stuff you know about because he's stupid enough to be careless, imagine the stuff he's been smart enough to hide from you. as the other posters have said, you do deserve better. never, ever doubt that.

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 22/12/2007 21:21

He's not home yet and wont be until the small hours so haven't had a chance to talk to him. I know hes sorry, hes always sorry. I feel like whining 'but i love him' but i also know that i shouldn't be with someone i don't trust. He is the best partner i've ever had in so many ways and it physically hurts to think of being without him. I can't ruin christmas for the boys by packing his stuff but will be taking a good look at our relationship in the new year. New year, new start.

OP posts:
LoveAngelGabriel · 22/12/2007 21:23

No offence Shakeysgirl, but he sounds like a prick.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 22/12/2007 22:57

Shakey I'm sure that you are hurting right now but being with someone who hurts you for the fun of it and then says their sorry is so unhealthy in sooo many ways. It's easy to say get out- my ex bf put me through loads of crap and I went back for more until I saw the light which took a long time. Please do think about this carefully and remind yourself it's not fun for you everytime he tells you it's not important. If it's important enough for you to post on here, then it is important.

NAB3hundredbaubles · 23/12/2007 12:12

I have been reading some letters from when I was younger and it is embarrassing how many times I said I was in love and was getting married. I suppose having been out with some bad boys has made me appreciate the good guy I have married, but you need to break free from this man. You have to believe you can do better and you deserve better.

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 23/12/2007 12:20

He didn't come home last night. He called at 2am and said he was at his mums but was really tired and just wanted to sleep. I haven't heard from him this morning and he will be at work now and is working tonight too so i will see him about 1am this morning i guess.

OP posts:
merrylissiemas · 23/12/2007 19:20

oh shakey, cant stay quiet on this. he's playing you! x

dee24 · 23/12/2007 20:40

He goes to his mums late on a Saturday night, after shopping for a xmas present. Then he waits until 2am to call and say he is staying over I wouldn't buy that at all if it was my man. But then he wouldn't even try.......

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 23/12/2007 20:47

He worked til 1am last night and then went to his mums. He called earlier and said he was sorry, i told him i didn't want to argue about it because its christmas. He used to be known as a player and everyone was shocked at the change in him when he met me, he's really calmed down comparitivly. I know he loves me but he has so much growing up to do. I can never relax, theres always a worrying feeling in my stomach when he's not here but when he is here it feels so right.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 23/12/2007 20:53

I must admit tho that i don't love him like i used to. I used to worship the ground he walked on, i adored him, would have done anything for him. Then when i least expected it he left me. It was hell for the few weeks we were apart, but we have been back together a few months now and part of me just can't forgive him for what he put me through. His mother had given him an ultimatum and he felt he had no choice. He broke my heart, and i swore when he came home that i wouldn't in through that again.

OP posts:
DontCallMeHun · 23/12/2007 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 23/12/2007 22:57

I'm quite shocked that everyone thinks that i should leave him but i guess maybe it looks different from the outside. I can't emphasise enough that he has so many good points, he's affectionate, loving, funny and romantic. I love him. I know he has his issues and has low self esteem etc but i really want to make it work i just don't know if it can but i owe it to the kids to try. I doubt anyone will understand but its the way i feel. Things have to change tho, one way or the other.

OP posts:
merrylissiemas · 23/12/2007 23:02

but his behaviour is damaging your self esteem. i know that you love him, but you said yourself, not like you used to. that love will be eaten away as he continues to destroy your faith in him and your relationship. he is playing games with you and you and your dc's deserve so much more!

amytheearwaxbanisher · 23/12/2007 23:21

he might be lovely in some ways but look what he is putting you through

ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 24/12/2007 00:44

my ex asked me this today. he didn't seem to get why i was asking him why he was asking me iyswim. i think he just either wanted his ego boosting or more likely wanted to check i was properly over him yet. could him and this girl have a history and he was just checking she would definitely say no?

madamez · 24/12/2007 00:51

Is he nice, funny and romantic enough that you can just shrug and laugh at his flirting? If so, then shrug and laugh. If having a very monogamous partner is very important to you, then perhaps this relationship is not right for you and you need to explain this to him, explain what you want and what your limits are, and if he is not happy about this then you are not in the right relationship for either of you.

madamez · 24/12/2007 00:55

Have now read the whole thread: this man is not monogamous. He's not a one-woman man. He's not going to change. It's up to you to decide whether or not you can live with that. Some people can and do have happy and successful open relationships, only you know whether or not that would work for you.

Original poster
ShakeysGirl · 24/12/2007 00:56

I don't know. He said he was winding her up cause she always stares at him so he must know her although i don't. He's just called to say hes going for a curry with the lads and asked if it was ok. I could hear them in the background so obviously said yes. But i want to cry. He should know i needed him here, he knows i've been upset and i know he realises this cause he's just text saying he really loves me. In reality i don't know what i want. I've been sat wrapping his gifts but may aswel go to bed.

OP posts:
ADDICTEDtosayingHAAAAAAAPYxmas · 24/12/2007 01:04

Maybe she said she liked him before she knew he wasn't single and he was checking that she didn't have any funny ideas?

amytheearwaxbanisher · 24/12/2007 01:04

after all that he still hasnt bothered to see you?apologise in person?are the lads more important?im really sorry to sound cold but are you sure he really respects you?