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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stuff is too hard to get rid of

738 replies

Clutterbusting · 02/01/2022 23:32

I want to be free of my stuff. I’m drowning in it. My house is a mess and all that happens when I have a sort out is it gets moved about. I spend money on storage solutions when I need to just get rid.
I want to but where to? Charity shops are picky and I have A LOT to shift. Selling takes too long and I can’t be wasteful so a skip is out. What can I do?
AIBU to think this is just too hard?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 03/01/2022 00:18

Do you have a private driveway/garden, OP? I tried to hire a skip before some years ago and was told I'd need a council permit as I only had on-street parking, so that's something to consider.

Salome61 · 03/01/2022 00:19

I moved house and had to declutter, I found it really difficult.

In the end I sorted everything into sections - books, records, ornaments, sewing stuff, photographs etc and tackled one 'section' at a time. Things I wanted to get rid of went straight into a box and into the car, things I wasn't sure of went in a box and I put it in the conservatory for a week. At the end of that week I looked through the box and picked out anything I couldn't bear to part with, and the rest of the box went in the car. I did freecycle quite a lot but as it was lockdown, just left it outside. I had tons of bedding and clothes and put them into bags and into the fabric recycling bins for Scope.

I photographed the ornaments/lamps I gave away so I wouldn't search for them - as well as my Mum's Beswick and Carlton ware sets, neither of my kids wanted them.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 03/01/2022 00:20

In your case a skip is the best solution. The stuff has been sitting there too long, and there is too much to get rid of any other way. Just hire a skip, arrange next day collection, and tip it all in without looking too closely.

Springspringhurrah · 03/01/2022 00:23

Total sympathy. It takes energy and a great deal of effort to keep a home running and find clear spaces and systems. For me I haven't managed to do this by myself, I can only ever manage the day to day stuff, not the things that are more like 'projects' like clearing out the endless cycle of stuff the kids have grown out of, don't play with anymore bla bla bla.
All birthdays and Christmas s I started getting specific with gifts requests from relatives. They all totally love going to toy shops and buying all this lovely stiff- that my kids don't want or need- and I have no space for! It's definitely been better this year than before .
When pregnant and under strain in a number of ways, physical and relationships, I hired a professional declutterer - was soo ashamed!!!
But worth every blooming penny. She helped me to be ruthless, put in storage systems that are simpler and actually work. ( Eg materials from all my various untouched craft projects kept together and more accessible instead of in small boxes throughout the whole house) . She's over the years become my answer to self care/ fighting overwhelm / finding peace in the house. It's only ever a morning or two a year and I'm always amazed at how much is achieved. Same sort of price as a cut and colour - and you can make it last.

Sunshineandrainbow · 03/01/2022 00:23

Ours has left trolleys outside to place bags in.

Morewinehenry · 03/01/2022 00:24

You're making it hard for yourself. Put it all in the skip. Now.

BreakingGood45 · 03/01/2022 00:24

I do small clean ups and post it on our local fb recycle page. Things go in minutes. I leave things outside and it gets picked up. I remember using the same site back when I lost my job and was pregnant with my second. It was a God send.

mumda · 03/01/2022 00:25

Ask on your most local Facebook group. There'll be someone collecting for those with nothing.

MargaretThursday · 03/01/2022 00:25

@Anordinarymum

How can a charity shop be picky when you leave the bags of stuff outside?
Don't leave bags outside. Most round us say any bags left outside go straight in the skip.
expat101 · 03/01/2022 00:26

I understand somewhat you are saying. I have a shipping container of household items from my parent's house, sitting out the back.

It's fine by Mum (who is in care) for me to try and sell/gift everything I don't want, and they are nice quality items and well cared for, but trying to find people who will take them has been hard although I managed to give away their dining furniture recently and some bedding (which has opened a can full of worms for other reasons to someone recently separated.

Toys are easy to give away on our local FB page though. Have you thought of trying that?

deadlanguage · 03/01/2022 00:27

I think the problem is rather that it’s too easy to gain stuff.

For clothes, do one of those ones where you fill up bags, they collect it and give money to charity by weight?

SquirrelG · 03/01/2022 00:30

My town has a Facebook page where people advertise things they want to give away. We put a lot of stuff from my workplace on it, and it was amazing what people took - some of it was broken but people still found a use for it. Maybe see if you can find something like that?

deadlanguage · 03/01/2022 00:30

www.recyclenow.com/local-recycling This site can help you find local clothing recycling - ours is in the car park of a local big Tesco

saraclara · 03/01/2022 00:34

www.freecycle.org

1forAll74 · 03/01/2022 00:36

My nearest charity shop, had two bad incidents last year,with people leaving bags of stuff outside.. One night some lads came and set fire to the bags in the precinct, and they decided to smash one of the windows in the shop. too. it had to be boarded up for a couple of days.. There are some flats over some of the shops in the precinct, so someone had to call the fire brigade..

Another time some lads came late night, and some bags were outside again,, and they scattered all the bagged up stuff ; all over the area outside the shop.,probably nicking some choice things.. There is a notice on the shop window, saying do not leave bags outside,

Violinist64 · 03/01/2022 00:37

@Clutterbusting

I want to be free of my stuff. I’m drowning in it. My house is a mess and all that happens when I have a sort out is it gets moved about. I spend money on storage solutions when I need to just get rid. I want to but where to? Charity shops are picky and I have A LOT to shift. Selling takes too long and I can’t be wasteful so a skip is out. What can I do? AIBU to think this is just too hard?
It sounds as if you have a real problem with hoarding but are taking the first steps to help yourself. The moving things round but not getting rid of them while sorting out is called churning. Hoarding is a mental health condition and recognised as such but there are things you can do to help yourself. You need to give yourself strict guidelines and boundaries. Do one room at a time otherwise it becomes overwhelming and results are easier to see if you clear up this way. It is a good idea to make three piles - keep, donate and throw away. Only give yourself a second to think about it because the problem with hoarding is that people are emotionally over-attached to their belongings. A skip is a really good idea. If you have a sympathetic friend or family member who could help you it would be ideal. Good luck. You can do it.
Skinnytailedsquirrel · 03/01/2022 00:38

Please don't dump stuff outside a charity shop...it's awful and degrading and it's littering.

It shows how little you think about what you are dumping there. Quite insulting.

Freecycle is great. Please try that.

3luckystars · 03/01/2022 00:40

Get a skip. Every January.

Don’t bring anything else into the house. If it helps, think of your children having to deal with it all if anything happened to you. Being the child of a hoarder is very stressful.

Read ‘decluttering at the speed of life’

Good luck.

Booklover3 · 03/01/2022 00:43

I had lots of baby items. I literally put them outside on the drive and put a picture of it all on local selling sites saying my address and “free to collect. First come first served can’t hold.” Literally all went within two hours.

5foot5 · 03/01/2022 00:44

@Anordinarymum

How can a charity shop be picky when you leave the bags of stuff outside?
You really shouldn't do that.

They might have limited storage space and also know what they can sell and what they can't. If you have stuff nobody wants why should the charity shop be lumbered with the task of disposing of your stuff.

We have recently had a mega cull of books. Literally hundreds of books we identified as ones we no longer wanted.

@Clutterbusting There are apps you can download where they will buy stuff. I got two who specialised in books. They both worked off barcodes and ISBNs and in truth they rejected about 90% but I did manage to sell about 150 books to them and made about £100. However I have just retired so have more free time. If I was still working I don't think I could have spared the time to do all that.

Most of the rest of the books (about 20 carrier bags full) were shared between local charity shops. However I always rang first to see if they were taking books. Some didn't, some only did on certain days when they had space, some would take paperbacks but not hardbacks, some had a limit of 2 bags.

I must admit I ended5up taking several bags of books to the tip. Something I would never have believed I was capable of until I realised that actually there are things nobody really wants. Out of date travel guided. Old celebrity chef books...

BTW skips are very expensive

Pickles89 · 03/01/2022 00:44

I'm with you OP!!!! So much STUFF, a lot of it new/like new/perfectly decent, but cannot even give it away! Where are all the poor people who rely on food banks?! Why don't they want it? It feels so wrong to just throw it away but I think it might come to that as I may be moving house soon.

Wreath21 · 03/01/2022 00:47

Skip prices start from around £100 - just because a person has a lot of junk doesn't mean they have a lot of money. As with many things, a hoarding issue is harder to deal with if there is no spare money (and no, it isn't necessarily the case that you can't hoard if you are broke: people give you things, there are things you have had for years etc)

Booklover3 · 03/01/2022 00:47
  • just make sure it’s not going to rain if you put it all outside.
Nefelibata86 · 03/01/2022 00:50

@Springspringhurrah can you share details of the decluttering expert you went to or means to find someone please?

NowEvenBetter · 03/01/2022 00:50

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