Term Time Only vs Part time?

[neverbeenskiing]

I have 2 DC, one in nursery and one at primary school. I WOH full time, term-time only in a job that I'm passionate about but is stressful and can be emotionally draining. DH also works FT. He is the higher earner, manages a large number of people and has to travel quite a bit. He does his fair share of housework and is brilliant with the DC when he's here but he works long hours and we feel like ships that pass in the night sometimes. I'm exhausted and constantly feel like I'm spinning plates.

It's lovely having the school holidays off but during term-time my job is all consuming and I feel like I have very little left to give for DC and DH at the end of the day. Working full time, term time only also means I never have any time to myself. I'm either at work or looking after the kids. I have struggled with my MH on and off the past couple of years and I know I'm supposed to practice 'self care' but the constant demands of juggling parenting and work (not to mention trying to keep on top of housework, elderly relatives who need help, one or both DC picking up various illnesses or having to isolate every other week) always get in the way.

I've been seen a job advertised that I could do from home, 3 days a week. The salary is lower on paper but because I don't currently get paid for school holidays my take-home pay would be roughly the same. It's less responsibility than my current role but is in a related field, looks interesting and would still allow me to 'make a difference'. There would be opportunity for progression down the road if I wanted that when the kids are older and life (hopefully!) feels less hectic. I told a couple of friends I was considering applying as I was feeling quite excited about it, but they told me that I would be crazy to give up a term time only job. They said TTO is "the holy grail" when you've got DC and I'd definitely regret it. Their advice was to try to stick it out in my current job as it's only so tough now because the kids are young and when they're older I'll be glad I did. Now I'm having second thoughts.

WWYD?

A vote for the p/t role for me - some heads pace in the week and a chance to keep on top of home life plus you'll be able to do drop off / pick up a couple of days. Then as you say some children need more than just life at home anyway during the school holidays so a day a week in a holiday club plus a day a week with grandparents just leaves another day to sort with annual leave between you and dp. I think it gives a better balance over the whole year personally and professionally you might find you have more to give when you are working too

I would say part time, given your holiday childcare is entirely do-able.

TTO gives you zero down time (since you are either at work, or doing childcare). With part-time, the term time bit is obvs fine (as you get lots of downtime to do house stuff etc) and holiday time is fun, as the kids are off, enjoying their holiday childcare while you work, and on the 2 days you don't, you can devote to good quality fun with them (rather than the drudgery of keeping them entertained for 6 weeks and failing).

I think part time. I like having doing school run and being home for dinner a couple of days a week. I take my holiday over school holidays so still have some of it off. I rely on family lots too but they love it. I also think you need a bit of flexibility for school events and such like in the week

I disagree that term time only is the gold standard as like you’ve acknowledged you get no downtime. I would prefer the part time working hours. Your children are young currently but as they get older if you are working from home you will be able to let them stay at home for the odd day to help with holiday cover. The only thing I would question is wfh permanently if you are used to going in to work. I now wfh 5 days per week as our local office never reopened and I’m struggling with the boredom of never leaving the house. 3 days a week might be easier to manage though.

I work term time only and have always envied my friend who works there days a week.

I usually spend the school holidays getting everything sorted for the next half term onslaught. The only think that stops me changing my hours is the summer holidays. I live that long care free segment of the year. If it doesn't bother you, and childcare isn't an issue definite go for three days. I think you'll feel much more ontop of your life.

I'd go for it because you obviously feel like you need a change. Or to change something.

Of you do 3 days a week then in half terms surely its doable by sharing the load between you AND DH taking time off and paying for childcare, hosting a playdate on a non work day and your friends, reciprocating and grandparents?

What happens when you tell DH you're so burnt out and need support? Is it YOUR problem or a SHARED problem?

What does your DH use his annual leave for? You are using 100% of your annual leave on childcare, so it's no wonder you feel like you never get a break. Unless he is using 100% of his annual leave for childcare, I think you need to come to a fairer arrangement.

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. You've raised some pros and cons of both options that I hadn't considered.

It's a difficult one because school holidays aside I really do love the work itself, I have good friends at my current job who are incredibly supportive and there are a lot of things I'd miss if I left. But the level of stress and tiredness it brings is unsustainable if I want to look after my MH.

As it happens last night I had a message from a part time junior member of staff I line manage asking if I thought there would be any possibility of her picking up extra hours as her DP's work continues to be heavily impacted by covid and they are struggling financially. It occurred to me that if this was agreed, then not only would it help her out but she could potentially pick up some of the less complex but time consuming aspects of my role. DH and I talked it all through and he pointed out that if I'm going to apply for this other job then I have nothing to lose by putting in a flexible working request at my current job anyway. So I'm going to request to work 30 hours over 3 days, proposing that my junior colleague's hours be increased to make up the shortfall. This would save the organisation money as she's on a lower grade. It would also be cheaper and easier than having to recruit someone to replace me as my role is quite specialised. It will mean less money obviously, but if I go to 30 hours the drop in pay is manageable and DH is supportive of the idea.

I don't know if it's likely to be agreed but if they say no then I suppose that's made my decision for me!

What does your DH use his annual leave for?

He tries to take his annual leave during the school holidays so we can spend time all together as a family. He has also used some AL and TOIL for eldest DC's school events (plays, special assemblies etc) as being on a TTO contract I can never go to these.

What happens when you tell DH you're so burnt out and need support? Is it YOUR problem or a SHARED problem?

I don't feel it's just my problem at all. He has picked up the slack (with housework, kids, admin etc) when I've struggled my MH as much as he is able to on evenings and weekends but his job doesn't allow much flexibility during the week and as the higher earner we are reliant on his wage. He is supportive of me dropping to 30 hours if work will agree it even though this obviously means less money. When we were talking about it last night I said I could go back full time when the kids are older and his response was "I don't care if you never work FT again as long as you're happy".

I think if you have GP care over the holidays that changes things. Ours will do odd couple of days here and there but aren’t able/willing to do weeks of holiday care. So for us at the primary age it works better. Once the kids are teens it will no doubt be different again.

@neverbeenskiing

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. You've raised some pros and cons of both options that I hadn't considered.

It's a difficult one because school holidays aside I really do love the work itself, I have good friends at my current job who are incredibly supportive and there are a lot of things I'd miss if I left. But the level of stress and tiredness it brings is unsustainable if I want to look after my MH.

As it happens last night I had a message from a part time junior member of staff I line manage asking if I thought there would be any possibility of her picking up extra hours as her DP's work continues to be heavily impacted by covid and they are struggling financially. It occurred to me that if this was agreed, then not only would it help her out but she could potentially pick up some of the less complex but time consuming aspects of my role. DH and I talked it all through and he pointed out that if I'm going to apply for this other job then I have nothing to lose by putting in a flexible working request at my current job anyway. So I'm going to request to work 30 hours over 3 days, proposing that my junior colleague's hours be increased to make up the shortfall. This would save the organisation money as she's on a lower grade. It would also be cheaper and easier than having to recruit someone to replace me as my role is quite specialised. It will mean less money obviously, but if I go to 30 hours the drop in pay is manageable and DH is supportive of the idea.

I don't know if it's likely to be agreed but if they say no then I suppose that's made my decision for me!

Sounds like a win-win! Hope they agree.