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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how you manage to get things done with small children

108 replies

JugsAndSoap · 01/01/2022 19:25

(Relatively lighthearted but genuine question)

I really am at a loss and I'm hoping someone else can help me see what I'm missing!

I have 2 little children (age 4 and 1), and both me and DH work. Big one is at nursery, little one isn't and we work our hours around so one of us has him all the time.

We just about manage the day-to-day stuff like keeping up with washing, cooking meals, cleaning the kitchen etc in between preschool/ work / dinner / bath/ bed routines. There are just enough hours in the day to keep our heads above water.

But I'm absolutely desperate to do those less regular things time-consuming things like clean the grout in my shower, paint the spare room, cut down the hedges in the back garden etc.

When do people do this stuff? Am I missing something? Am I destined to be wallpapering at 2am? Or are there ways to "make time" by being more efficient with the daily stuff so I can do the rest?

So as not to drip feed, we have absolutely no-one to take the kids (ever) so it all needs to be done with 2 tiddlers in tow.

OP posts:
MogsBestestFurball · 02/01/2022 00:36

This thread has made me feel so.much better, as we are in the same position. It can be really demoralising living in squalor and feeling like you just need to try harder.

massiveblob · 02/01/2022 00:52

For those with no family close, the light at the end of the tunnel is yourDC friends families, who are in exact same position. One they are our of nappies and into school, you can swap childcare with mates. We did it / do it all the time... have their mates over or vice versa to allow the others to have time to get jobs done.

Redhotspicywine · 02/01/2022 01:02

I’ve found my people!! Thank you for this thread

User48751490 · 02/01/2022 06:40

@MrsKDB

We didn’t do anything to our house until our youngest was 6. Very basic cleaning once in a while, no decorating or diy. Also had no one near to take either of them. It’s very different with older children, for now you just keep swimming.
That's more or less what we have done. Nothing really is that important. We just get on with essential low level stuff each week.
RAOK · 02/01/2022 06:51

Pay someone to do the garden and painting as others hade said. Buy the time back!

chocopuffs · 02/01/2022 07:22

Also following with interest. We have a one year old and I hate not being on top of things in the house. We have a cleaner once a fortnight which is great but there's still loads to do, and when she comes it can be a bit stressful tidying and getting ready, then having to be out of the house and arrange naps around her being here.

Practically, if I need to do something specific I tend to take my DD with me. So play in her room while I fold clothes in there or in my room, play in the kitchen while I do the dishwasher etc. She likes "helping" me do stuff which means it takes much longer but it's quite nice for her. Then sometimes my partner will take her out for an hour or so while I get on with other stuff. I definitely have to lower my standards a bit but can't imagine not doing anything.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 02/01/2022 07:26

2 1/2 - 3 is the magic age when things can start happening again, not having accommodate naps frees up time, and they spend less time on your hip/tit. Also the person of the child helps or hindered, my first was always happy to Potter around from about 18 months, and would join in with a screwdriver or paintbrush. The second, no chance.

GoodnightGrandma · 02/01/2022 07:28

Get some mould spray for the tiles, works wonders. Spray it on, leave it, and rinse it off.
Get a man to trim your bush.

FTEngineerM · 02/01/2022 07:29

We just redecorated our whole house to get it ready for sale with a 18m old and 3m old. Sometimes we had help from MIL but not airways, one of us would take both DC out and the other got on with something for a few hours.

So your DH can take them shopping and you can wallpaper? You can take them to the zoo and DH can paint/trim the hedge?

Tamtam86 · 02/01/2022 07:49

I feel exactly the same! My kids are 3 & 2 (just turned 2 at Xmas) and I feel like I never get anything done, only the bare minimum. It's so frustrating never being able to really get into anything on my to do list. So I feel your pain, but have no helpful solutions unfortunately.

blueflowersinthesnow · 02/01/2022 07:54

Similar age gap here, no outside help and the only way this stuff gets done is:

a) annual leave when both kids in childcare (harder for you since your youngest isn't it childcare so I guess for you it would be when they're with the other parent)
b) evenings when they're in bed - in fact I have been scrubbing the grout in our bathroom during the evenings quite recently
c) at the weekend if one parent takes both kids for the day

LonglegsMumtheBlacksmith · 02/01/2022 08:00

Jumperoo and High Chair got me through all of this with DS! Jumperoo was in the lounge do fine for jobs I could do in there or running back and forward from kitchen when washing up/ cleaning/ batch cooking (our house shape means you can see the lounge from the kitchen door easily and be there in a flash). High chair used to go in the doorway of any other room I needed to be in.
I managed to do nap time in the pushchair so I could get on with stuff in the garden whilst DS slept. Not sure about hedge trimming though! I suppose you might have to do that in small blasts whilst DH has both kids (or vice versa).
I am by no means a domestic goddess though - lower standards and not beating yourself up over things might play a big part! Definitely just pour a load of bleach on the grout and then rinse it off hours later when you have a chance! I couldn't give a monkeys about cleaning the oven even before we had kids Blush

notanothertakeaway · 02/01/2022 08:03

Could you pay a local teenager to come over for the day to supervise kids while you get some chores done?

hoomama · 02/01/2022 08:07

I have children the same age as you.

I feel the struggle. My house is a mess nearly all the time. I (just about) keep up with the basics e.g cleaning kitchen, Hoover downstairs, wash clothes, tidy away (a little bit). It is SO hard to even keep on top of that.

I have resigned myself to just keeping up with that for the next couple of years. It's shit not being able to do basic things but I'm holding out hope for when the youngest is about 3/4 and I'm thinking that I might be able to start doing more of the type of things you mentioned.

JustUseTheDoorSanta · 02/01/2022 08:11

There isn't really time, get a cleaner if you can or just spray bleach and hope for the best. The gardening will be possible in summer when the little one is playing on the grass with toys. Painting probablu won't work until the little one is a bit older, there just isn't time for everything without exhausting yourselves.

Justgettingbye · 02/01/2022 08:47

Mine are 4 and 1 aswell. It's hard because the 1 year old is hard work when he is awake and then when he naps I wanna sit down but feel I need to have 1 to 1 time with the 4 year old then he wakes up and that's it until bedtime.

I tend to do urgent things in the evening or if it's a total tip dedicate a night to blitzing the place as they both reliably sleep. But standards are lower, just try and get through the day and be happy. If often think one day o will have my tidy home as they won't be here anymore Sad

ThatsNotMyReindeer · 02/01/2022 08:51

We either designate one person to do the jobs and the other to take the kids out for the day (like a whole day thing - e.g. a trip to the zoo 90 minutes away and then call in to the grandparents on the way home not just popping down the park for an hour) or pay someone to do it for us!

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 02/01/2022 08:56

I have a tip for cleaning grout, get some toilet paper, cover it in bleach and stick it to the grout. Leave it over night and your grout will be like brand new in the morning.
I do that every so often and it only take a few minutes before bed.

I painted rooms during nap times over a few days.

Don’t put pressure on yourself because you’ll just get frustrated. Do bits when you can x

Fundays12 · 02/01/2022 08:58

I have 3 kids (2 school age and a toddler). We have no help and I work weekends..DH works during the week. I pay a childminder to have the toddler one day a week from 9 to 4. It really helps me get things done like paint the garden fence etc.

dingdongmerrilyy · 02/01/2022 08:58

Yes I would just find a good babysitter that u can use as and when. So if u need her for the day to get stuff done great but then u might not need her for another few weeks. Just find someone u trust who's happy to help on an ad hoc basis and give plenty notice so she can fit u in. Thrn it's not a regular weekly or monthly cost just as and when

Keladrythesaviour · 02/01/2022 09:03

Does no one use a playpen anymore? My DSis has 2 under 3, and it is regularly deployed. Pops it up in whatever room she is doing things in, two littluns go in with a selection of toys, sometimes she puts an audio book or similar on in the background, sometimes music they like bouncing to, and gets on with whatever job, chatting to them and only occasionally has to intervene if one gets upset etc. It's not for hours at a time, but enough to get some jobs done in bits. She knows the kids are safe and not sticking fingers where they shouldn't etc. They've got her for company. She does the same in the garden with an umbrella over it.

dottiedodah · 02/01/2022 09:03

Can you get someone to do the hedges for you? 2 or 3 quotes for us to something like 150 /200 quid. Painting the spare room can wait! Just pop some pics up or new curtains something like that ,just to freshen it up

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 02/01/2022 09:03

I strap DS to my back to do the day to day stuff so he'll then play happily for a bit while I do stuff I can't do with him on me. Then when he's bored whoever is slower at whatever we're doing has him while the other gets stuff done.

bowlingalleyblues · 02/01/2022 09:09

Don’t do it: just have dirty grouting, unpainted walls, bushy hedges.
Pay someone to do it.
Pay someone to come in and play with kids while we get on with it (nursery staff will do this, also neighbours teenage daughter)
Swap childcare with friends (hard with 1 year old but now it’s up and running we get a morning off every other week).

Allthesefolks · 02/01/2022 09:21

Dc1 would’ve been happy in a playpen for about 30 minutes, DC2 would last about 30 seconds…