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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how you manage to get things done with small children

108 replies

JugsAndSoap · 01/01/2022 19:25

(Relatively lighthearted but genuine question)

I really am at a loss and I'm hoping someone else can help me see what I'm missing!

I have 2 little children (age 4 and 1), and both me and DH work. Big one is at nursery, little one isn't and we work our hours around so one of us has him all the time.

We just about manage the day-to-day stuff like keeping up with washing, cooking meals, cleaning the kitchen etc in between preschool/ work / dinner / bath/ bed routines. There are just enough hours in the day to keep our heads above water.

But I'm absolutely desperate to do those less regular things time-consuming things like clean the grout in my shower, paint the spare room, cut down the hedges in the back garden etc.

When do people do this stuff? Am I missing something? Am I destined to be wallpapering at 2am? Or are there ways to "make time" by being more efficient with the daily stuff so I can do the rest?

So as not to drip feed, we have absolutely no-one to take the kids (ever) so it all needs to be done with 2 tiddlers in tow.

OP posts:
Original poster
JugsAndSoap · 01/01/2022 20:07

Thank you all for this- I'm actually sort of relieved that everyone is saying it can't be done!
We moved house 6 months ago and I feel like we've done nothing I'd planned but you lot are all making me feel much better.

OP posts:
JustMarriedBecca · 01/01/2022 20:09

We have a 5 and 7 year old and it's just about OK to do DIY and let them entertain themselves now. But one does DIY and one does other jobs where you can stop (like painting or whatever you can't stop at will otherwise it's a botch job).
Mainly, until then, get people in to do the jobs. Hedges, painting etc. Or one person takes them out whilst the other works - but that's fun for no one.
It's hard and grim.

stuntbubbles · 01/01/2022 20:10

We’re currently doing up our house to sell and it’s very much: late nights once DC in bed; annual leave while DC are in nursery; weekends where one parent does all the DC stuff and the other parent does all the painting/gardening/mega cleaning, no one has any downtime, and the day-to-day laundry/tidy/clear up stuff never gets done so the next week is fucked.

On the other hand, the 2.5yo loves to “help” so can be occupied with laundry or loading a dishwasher while I hurriedly do something else. Of course you then have to reload the dishwasher with something helpful, but still.

CaptainMerica · 01/01/2022 20:10

My DH tended to do those things at the weekend, while I had the children, or vice versa. If you are working opposite days though, it's much harder. I don't think I would prioritise cleaning grout on potential family days if they are rare.

Lazypuppy · 01/01/2022 20:11

I just carried on, the little one either do it at nap time, or pop them in cot or something to play safely while you get on with an activity. Older one, set up with tv or something and crack on

borisisaknob · 01/01/2022 20:14

Don't you do it at the weekend? One parent takes the kids out or plays with them
And the other does the jobs?

GrandmasCat · 01/01/2022 20:15

You don’t. Unless they have a well establish bedtime routine and you wake up an hour earlier than them.

We managed to keep an active social life by inviting people for dinner at 7:30 but that only worked because we knew DS was going to be fully asleep by that time.

Obviously, getting them to sleep at a certain time us more often than note a fruit of consistency rather than luck.

Fallible · 01/01/2022 20:16

Yeah we just.... Don't.

I think unless you can afford a cleaner or to put your kids into nursery for extra days, it just doesn't happen.

We stay on top of the day to day stuff but that's it.

RedCandyApple · 01/01/2022 20:17

I’m a lone Parent to 4 I don’t even have a lpartner and no family help, you just get

RedCandyApple · 01/01/2022 20:18

Posted too soon, you just get on the best you can

ToykotoLosAngeles · 01/01/2022 20:20

You can't really. Two-man jobs have to wait til a grandparent can have DS (3) so otherwise wouldn't happen without leave from work on a nursery day. One-man is done on a weekend.

Soraya5 · 01/01/2022 20:21

This is the reason why people with small kids generally have houses that have gone to hell. The only people I know whose houses look ok have grandparents helping or lots of money to pay decorators etc

Classicblunder · 01/01/2022 20:21

We have two similar ages - it has got a lot better now that they are 5 and 2 but we mostly get that stuff done by taking the odd day of annual leave while DS1 is at school and DS2 is in nursery. When they were 4 and 1, that went double.

Why don't you put the 1 year old in nursery at least a couple of days a week?

Mommabear20 · 01/01/2022 20:21

If it doesn't fit into nap time, it doesn't get done!

TheMagicDeckchair · 01/01/2022 20:22

I’m currently on mat leave. I have a 4 year old and 8 month old twins. 4yo goes to preschool 3 days a week. We have a cleaner who comes once a fortnight.

DH takes them all to church on Sunday am and that’s the only 1.5 hours per week I have childfree. Usually use this time to deal with admin/sort outgrown clothes and wash & dry my hair.

We don’t really get anything done over and above the basics of laundry, cleaning & prepping bottles, emptying bins, cleaning kitchen worktops etc. We literally have no time. Can’t even do jobs after the babies go to bed as they often wake and need resettling.

If we need to do something outside the essentials, then one of us takes the babies and the other stays with the eldest and does the job, as she pretty much looks after herself. Or one of us takes all 3 at bedtime and the other does the jobs.

We need to do a huge declutter but I don’t have the childfree time or the mental energy for it so it might have to wait until the twins are older. I try to do little bits and pieces like a drawer here and there but there’s still a lot to do.

I envy others who have the time to keep their homes tidy and decluttered!

AliceW89 · 01/01/2022 20:23

Just one DC, nearly 20 months. DH and I both work 4 days/week. Everything ‘big’ is done when he is in bed or at weekends, apart from quick things (eg loading the washing machine, or washing the plates from lunch) which are just about done during the day. He’s just about getting to the age of being interested in ‘helping’ me load the washing machine or sweeping the floor (and hence tripling the time it takes 😬)

mrspennywise · 01/01/2022 20:26

I had a big meltdown today over this.
I remember life going back to normalish and being able to do things when my daughter turned 2 1/2 and then I got pregnant lol. My son is now 8 months and I just totally broke down because I was trying to take photos of his baby clothes and sort them out and I just couldn't! I completely forgot what it was like with a 8 month old.

I think we will get there when they are around 2. But if you can, get help! Do you have any family around?

I don't and I think that contributed to this burnt out feeling I have lol

Temple29 · 01/01/2022 20:36

We have a 2.5 year old and 15 month old and moved house last year. Still haven’t painted and unlikely to happen any time soon! I keep reminding myself it’s a season of life and I’ll have plenty of time to do jobs when they’re older.

You’re definitely not alone OP.

Narwhalsh · 01/01/2022 20:38

You pay people-either to take kids or to do the work!

DuesToTheDirt · 01/01/2022 20:38

Oh I remember those days. My brother asked me what I wanted for my birthday one year, and I so wanted to say, "I want you to paint our shed!" (Not an option as he lives a distance away and wouldn't fancy it anyway). For time-critical stuff like cutting the hedge before you are living like sleeping beauty surrounded by dense thicket one of you does it while other has the kids. The rest you let go.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/01/2022 20:42

2 year age gap with mine and I found it impossible to do much with them in tow. Oldest is autistic so seemed much younger than her years, so felt like 2 toddlers even when they were 3 and 5. They were both in nursery 3 days a week when I worked, however, so we had the option to leave them in while we took annual leave.

Options were:

Take annual leave but left kids in childcare - I did this every so often to do deep cleaning etc
Take it in turns at weekends - one has both, other does chores (in theory fine, but obvs means you can't use that childfree time to exercise, see friends etc)

reluctantbrit · 01/01/2022 20:46

Lower standards and get paid help.

We nearly always had a cleaner so we only did the really big deep cleans unless we asked for an additional clean. I took a day annual leave 2-3 a year to get it done.

Nearly all DIY was outsourced as well and we had an extreme low-key garden.

Every now and then DH or I took DD out for 1/2 day and the other one cracked. on with a job.

Chasingaftermidnight · 01/01/2022 20:50

We have one 2 year old and another due any day now and I feel absolutely the same OP. We manage the basics but anything bigger just doesn’t happen.

In a way I’m relieved to read others saying that that’s just how it is because we have wondered whether we’re missing something/doing something wrong.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 01/01/2022 20:51

Buggered if I know.

Driposaurus · 01/01/2022 20:54

The jobs to be done All The Time. When I think of the time wasted in my twenties, and now if I have a rare child free half hour I could fill it 20 times over with stuff that Ought To Be Done (but then get paralysed with decision making and end up doing none of it).

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