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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how you manage to get things done with small children

108 replies

JugsAndSoap · 01/01/2022 19:25

(Relatively lighthearted but genuine question)

I really am at a loss and I'm hoping someone else can help me see what I'm missing!

I have 2 little children (age 4 and 1), and both me and DH work. Big one is at nursery, little one isn't and we work our hours around so one of us has him all the time.

We just about manage the day-to-day stuff like keeping up with washing, cooking meals, cleaning the kitchen etc in between preschool/ work / dinner / bath/ bed routines. There are just enough hours in the day to keep our heads above water.

But I'm absolutely desperate to do those less regular things time-consuming things like clean the grout in my shower, paint the spare room, cut down the hedges in the back garden etc.

When do people do this stuff? Am I missing something? Am I destined to be wallpapering at 2am? Or are there ways to "make time" by being more efficient with the daily stuff so I can do the rest?

So as not to drip feed, we have absolutely no-one to take the kids (ever) so it all needs to be done with 2 tiddlers in tow.

OP posts:
Unihorn · 01/01/2022 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thurlow · 01/01/2022 20:55

Honestly, childcare is the answer. We tried to juggle between us a lot with DC1 and in the long term it was such a bad idea. If you're both working a lot then it's probably best to consider some more childcare.

VestaTilley · 01/01/2022 20:55

The only way we can get anything done is by having our DS in nursery 4 days a week, and we have a cleaner. I appreciate we’re very lucky to be able to afford these things!

We don’t have family very nearby, so if we really need to do a big house job like a trip to the tip, DH (who drives) will do it while I watch DS. Or he’ll do it while DS naps and I clean the bathroom etc or prep the dinner during that time.

Leave big jobs until they’re in school, childcare or when you or DH can take them to the park while the other one does the task in question.

Showpan · 01/01/2022 21:21

It's so difficult and frustrating. Just try to plough on with little bits as and when. Tons gets left. It's just not possible to do it all. The wishlist is LONG.

Luhou · 01/01/2022 21:23

I honestly don't know how you manage to work and juggle childcare! That's a lot. I have a 14month old, and SAHM. My DH has taken time off next week to do house jobs (we also recently moved)

Highchair and an activity/food is your best option for the smallee tasks!

MotherWol · 01/01/2022 21:25

Work out which is cheaper - a day’s nursery while you take annual leave to do the jobs, or paying someone else to do the job. At least when they’re preschool age you don’t have to save all your leave to cover school holidays.

beautifullymad · 01/01/2022 21:29

I asked my mother this 20 years ago when I had tiny ones.

Without missing a beat she said to tie them to the kitchen table legs. Apparently that was the norm in the 1940's so mothers could get on with their kitchen jobs. She asked how did I think my grandmother coped?

I didn't tie them anywhere but I did have a 'thing' in each room they could do whilst I sorted the house out. Or waited until the were asleep. Mine all slept a lot.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 01/01/2022 21:40

I gave mine a packet of wipes and set them tasks!! Doors and skirting boards usually!!

StrawberrySanta · 01/01/2022 21:41

I could have written this myself, I'm glad it's not just me. DH and I both work, we have a 3yo and almost 1yo, neither at nursery but eldest starting this month. We just about get by with the daily kitchen clean up and tidying away the mess of toys each night but anything more just seems impossible and I honestly don't know how to get things done. I'm so behind on washing, I've got bags of baby clothes to sort to charity/bin/sell but there's just not enough hours in the day

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 01/01/2022 21:43

Farm them out to Granny and Grandad if you can

Namechange12312 · 01/01/2022 21:45

You’re not missing anything it’s just not possible! When mine were younger I did everything ‘extra’ in the evenings. My youngest just turned 3, this summer I painted our shed and it took about 8 weeks to finish because I had to do it in such tiny chunks (felt amazing when it was done though). We are just coming out the other side now but I know how frustrating it is that everyone else seems to have such a ‘nice’ clean house and we were struggling to keep our heads above water with the general day to day stuff.

I found it helped to keep a running list of bigger jobs that I wanted to get done. Then if I found myself with spare time or OH took the kids out for half hour I could crack on with something.

JennyForeigner · 01/01/2022 21:56

@DuesToTheDirt

Oh I remember those days. My brother asked me what I wanted for my birthday one year, and I so wanted to say, "I want you to paint our shed!" (Not an option as he lives a distance away and wouldn't fancy it anyway). For time-critical stuff like cutting the hedge before you are living like sleeping beauty surrounded by dense thicket one of you does it while other has the kids. The rest you let go.
@duestothedirt My sister did actually paint our shed, or rather a shed repurposed into a playhouse to give us another option to entertain a two-year-old when our twins were newborn.

It remains one of the nicest and best things anyone has ever done for us.

jevoudrais · 01/01/2022 21:56

We've just decided to get a cleaner Sad

Thickasmincepie · 01/01/2022 22:01

We once sent them to g parents for a few hours so that we could build a giant kalax. No way we'd have managed it otherwise.

Other than that, we took it in turns to do stuff while the other took the kids.

GrendelsGrandma · 01/01/2022 22:01

We moved into a fixer upper when I was 4 months pregnant and were completely clueless about how much work it would be and how feasible it would be with a baby. She's five and we still don't have things straightened out.

There were lots of days where we'd be up at 5.30, work or childcare all day, 4 hours of decorating in the evening interrupted by her waking then broken sleep overnight. Lack of sleep did not help DH and I to cooperate on wallpapering, it was stressful.

Now we have a cleaner once a week but the place is still a filthy tip with many, many jobs waiting for the spare hours that never come. But basically the answer is that if there are jobs that really need doing, you just somehow do them even if it means three hours of sleep at night for a while.

Bin85 · 01/01/2022 22:05

Once my older 2 were at playgroup/ school I had a few friends with children around the same age as my youngest. We would sometimes have their children and vice versa
Best to set specific job to get done in precious child free morning or whatever.
Also a 7 year old neighbour used to like to come and play with them.
Realise not so easy with Covid

LBOCS2 · 01/01/2022 22:09

You outsource it or them. It's literally the only way, either that or one of you parents while the other does the work.

I read somewhere that said when your children get to the age where they're not actively trying to kill themselves every second of the day then the second part of your life begins, and it's absolutely true.

Mine are 14, 9 and 5 now and I can just get on with things without worrying that they're pulling furniture over on themselves/swallowing batteries/sticking cutlery in plug sockets, etc. They come and find me when they need something rather than requiring constant supervision. It does get better, but until then you just need to go with it - and pay for as much help as you can afford!

Whoknowsweknows · 01/01/2022 22:12

Tag team. Me and dh have one day a week together as our working days cross. On our one day, one of us watches the dc while the other does jobs. Hard when we want a social life as well though.

WalkingOnSonshine · 01/01/2022 22:17

We outsource as much of the day to day as possible.

I wfh a couple of days a week & will take one lunch hour per week to clear out a cupboard or de-clutter.

At weekends, we tag team to try and do as much as possible. DS is starting to grow out of his Jumperoo but we can often squeeze 20-30 mins while he’s in the high chair.

I think a couple of times a year we might book annual leave to do some of the bigger jobs, but keep DS in nursery on those days.

PrincessesRUs · 01/01/2022 23:03

I could have written your post OP -4yr old at school, 1 yr old at nursery - both work full time.It is impossible!! We have a cleaner which helps. When one of us really needs to do something then I take the kids to my parents for the day. At least I have a very fit and youthful retired mother who can help. My one year old needs constant supervision at the moment. By the time they're both in bed we're exhausted and all we want to do it watch tv and go to bed!!

Original poster
JugsAndSoap · 01/01/2022 23:03

Thanks again everyone, particularly the PP's who are saying there is light at the end of the tunnel.

We do have the odd day together but honestly they're so few and far between it's lovely to spend time with them so we might only get a few priority jobs done.

The preschool my older one is at (where he gets his 30 hours) can take the little one but insist a minimum 18 hours per week for him, which is just not affordable currently. I'm going to look into a childminder (or even just a good babysitter).

Unfortunately we have minimal family, either near or far, so farming them out is not a possibility.

I'm going to pay for what we can afford, and I am going to just embrace the chaos, because I think on balance I'd rather put up with the mess and enjoy the cuddles while they're so little. Smile

OP posts:
TheToddlerLife · 01/01/2022 23:51

I have found my people!
I found this thread while procrastinating doing the jobs on my huge to do list. It includes so many "life admin" tasks, garden maintenance, bits of DIY and random little jobs. Some of them have been on the list for months and then more and more stuff gets added on. I was feeling so inadequate looking at that list earlier. Hang in there, OP! Just do one thing at a time, the most urgent stuff, the rest can wait.

RubyJam · 02/01/2022 00:06

A travel cot
It’s amazing as a play pen
You can put in whatever room you are in and get stuff done

DyingForACuppa · 02/01/2022 00:07

This is why despite moving into a house that needs every room repainting while I was heavily pregnant with my first both we have done a grand total of one room (that child's!). We've pretty much accepted that nothing more is being done until our youngest goes to school and we start getting some free time back.

For absolutely necessary tasks we divide and conquer so one of us takes the kids while the other does it. Everything unnecessary is put on the big 'some day in the future' list, because otherwise we'd never get family time. If ever the stars align and we have spare time then we chip away at it and try to ignore how huge the list is getting.

If you don't have childcare options then having kids is hitting a big pause button on everything else for years at a time.

massiveblob · 02/01/2022 00:07

Ours are a bit older but do loads of stuff when not in school. So up to age 6/7 it's normal. After that we did lots of car shares to activities and DC would go over to friends houses for hours etc. We would get stuff done then. We get mates asking to borrow our DC to play with theirs so they can get jobs done too. But it's not uncommon for nothing major to get done for years as you describe