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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bossy woman at work - bullying

82 replies

LibbyVonTrap · 31/12/2021 04:00

I’m a HCA on a hospital ward. Early this year a student nurse joined the ward and she was bossy as hell, ordered all the HCAs and patients around and even tried to boss the qualified nurses around. She continuously wrote incident reports/Datix about people and tried to change various aspects of the way the ward was run. She was a 2nd year. She drove us all mad and one of the other HCAs complained about her in the end to the charge nurse. Charge nurse had a word with her and she promptly reported charge nurse and the HCA to HR. She was an absolute nightmare.
Anyway, her placement finished thankfully and she left. However she has now returned as a HCA!!! She immediately tried to boss everyone around again as soon as she came back and one of the HCAs snapped at her and said “you bossed me around as a student, you’re not bossing me around as a HCA”. Naturally she immediately reported her.

Since then charge nurse has spoken to everyone saying the situation is difficult but we just have to learn to get along with her as she technically isn’t doing anything wrong. One of the male nurses pointed out that she looks like Sid from Ice Age and this has become her nickname. I was bullied as a child and I’m uncomfortable with this. I have spoken to charge nurse who snapped at me and said she’s sick to death of complaints both from and about this woman.
For Christmas one of the nurses bought her a mug with Sid on it. She doesn’t know this is her nickname so she’s proudly using it every day at work and doesn’t appear to have noticed the sniggering etc.

The whole thing is driving me mad!! If I tell her all hell with break loose. If I don’t I feel guilty and on edge.

AIBU to turn a blind eye and tell myself she kind of brought it on herself? It’s making me want to leave my job.

OP posts:

Rangoon · 31/12/2021 04:14

She entirely brought it on herself. Ignore her as much as you can.

Christmas2022MustBeTheBest · 31/12/2021 04:20

She sounds like a nightmare.
Can you report her behaviour higher up the chain? It’s she on a trial period?
Assuming this is NHS, I know they are very short of staff but someone like this will decimate what is already low morale central and cause no end of trouble. Why can’t management see this?

ThesecondLEM · 31/12/2021 04:22

Nor your circus, not your monkeys

ThinWomansBrain · 31/12/2021 04:31

You shouldn't have to, but if the unpleasent atmosphere is causing stress, is there any opportunity to transfer to a different ward or pat of the hospital?

undertheglassceiling · 31/12/2021 04:44

I feel your pain, OP. We had an employee like that who’d come straight from an internship. Very high opinion of herself despite her lack of skills and experience. Thankfully she transferred to another section so I rarely have to deal with her anymore but I know she’s driving several in her new section crazy. Some to the point of quitting. That being said, her ego and confidence has not been lost on the blokes in charge who are giving her plenty of opportunity despite her obvious lack of ability. So I guess she’s achieved what she set out to achieve. Weird.

stakhanovite · 31/12/2021 04:53

Just to clarify: your question is whether to tell this person why she's been given a Sid mug? Given the personality involved, would that not risk opening up a hellacious can of worms?

LaBellina · 31/12/2021 04:58

Stay out of it OP. Don't get mixed up in work politics, that rarely ends well.
Focus on your job, don't participate in gossip but it's not your job to stick up for her either. Just avoid her and all the drama that she brings as much as possible.

sjxoxo · 31/12/2021 05:08

If ignore her as much as possible and don’t get dragged in to it. The mug is unprofessional but just ignore it & play no part. If your life becomes unbearable and no one steps in, I’d consider leaving and citing clearly the honest reasons why xx

undertheglassceiling · 31/12/2021 05:10

Oh yeah, but about the mug. That’s really off. She may be a nightmare but it’s really bad for your workmates to have a private joke about her. Nasty, malicious, high school stuff. That being said, I wouldn’t tell her. Stay out of it but don’t join in the backstabbing either.

FurryAntiWaxer · 31/12/2021 05:15

Turn a blind eye. Your colleagues are immature but they are building an emotional barricade against her bullying. Sometimes you do what you can to get by.

violetbunny · 31/12/2021 05:24

It sounds like a nightmare, but I would just keep well clear of it. If she bosses you personally around, just say "I will not be doing that", or "I do not take instructions from you as I report to X, if you think Y needs doing then please speak to them". Keep it factual and polite. I would just ignore your childish colleagues making fun of her, it's not on but I really would just leave them all to it.

Unrealnotunrealistic · 31/12/2021 05:29

LibbyVonTrapp, I feel for you in this horrible situation but this person will always know better. Than everyone. You have no respect for your boss so apply to other jobs. I’m so sorry this person rocked your work world.

PWYP76 · 31/12/2021 06:07

She sounds horrendous but the sid mug is quite identifying, imo. If she saw this thread, she'd hit the roof.

Mybalconyiscracking · 31/12/2021 06:11

Well, start by “losing” or “breaking” the mug for a start?

Original poster

LibbyVonTrap · 31/12/2021 06:21

The thing is she can be quite nice but she’s just so bloody bossy! I can’t help but feel sorry for her, I’m just so sensitive to bullying I think and I don’t believe she sets out to upset people. We were once chatting at lunch (a few of us) about how some wards can be bitchy and she said “well at the end of the day we don’t come to work to make friends” to which another staff member said “well that’s good in your case then!” And everyone laughed. She laughed along (nervously) too but I could tell she was hurt by that. Her old nickname was matron when she was a student but the staff did actually start calling her that to her face.

OP posts:

MichelleScarn · 31/12/2021 06:30

So none of the behaviour was brought up in her feedback and she was passed by the CN her mentor and offered a job as an hca?
Of course she'll think she's done it well. (Or is she related to someone!)

meteoric · 31/12/2021 06:40

"we just have to learn to get along with her as she technically isn’t doing anything wrong"

When you say she isn't doing anything technically wrong - is the stuff she's "bossy" over actually her trying to make people do everything by the book, and totally correctly?

meteoric · 31/12/2021 06:43

Anyway, it it were me and upsetting me so much, I'd say to the others that I don't like the Sid thing as it feels too much like bullying so please don't, probably bin the mug somewhere and get her a new nondescript one, and then ignore the lot of all.

Tiani4 · 31/12/2021 06:58

You can't tell her about the mug . She'll report the whole team to HR regardless of whether everyone was involved. It'd be cruel to let her know. It'll lose its power over time and may settle into a nice nickname people forget where how it arose. Teen boys often have these type nicknames for each other!

As far as she knows she likes her mug and if she overhears, her nickname Sid it's because she uses a Sid mug all the time.

You can go to HR that she's making everyone miserable as she's a bully in how she talks to people, which may decimate the team as people will want to start leaving, but you think it's something she can learn to change if someone in management can talk to her.

To her, I'd reply 'don't bully, speak to me politely and with respect. Do you want to start again?'

Might as well reframe her bossiness for something she will hear.

AlDanvers · 31/12/2021 07:02

Either she os making loads or complaints that are unfounded or her complaints are being taken seriously.

If its the first, then something can be done.

If its the second, sounds like she is just trying to do her job correctly.

The incident reports? Why hasn't anyone told her she shouldn't be writing them Pointlessly and there's other work to do?

Or is she actually right and they aren't pointless?

This is an issue with your management.

Original poster

LibbyVonTrap · 31/12/2021 07:03

@meteoric

"we just have to learn to get along with her as she technically isn’t doing anything wrong"

When you say she isn't doing anything technically wrong - is the stuff she's "bossy" over actually her trying to make people do everything by the book, and totally correctly?

Yeah kind of. An example being … lunch time a load of staff members gather around the kitchen waiting to take meals to patients. This woman marched up and told a qualified nurse to go and do her lunch time meds rather than handing out meals. The nurse scuttled off and did as she was told. To be fair to her she was just thinking about making the best use of skill set but it’s not her job to manage staff and it gets people’s backs up.

Another example first thing in a morning she’ll stand at the foot of a bay telling all the HCAs where she wants them etc - some of us have been working here for more than 10 years, we don’t need her ordering us around. She tells patients that it’s our job to promote their independence not babysit them etc!! And she told me off last week for helping a man get washed. She came marching up saying “Percy can manage that on his own!! Can’t you Percy!!” Made me feel bloody stupid (name changed)

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 31/12/2021 07:03

@LibbyVonTrap

Sometimes the truth does hurt. She doesn't seem ro mind upsetting anyone else though so from your post I wouldn't waste your sympathy.

kateluvscats · 31/12/2021 07:09

@MichelleScarn

So none of the behaviour was brought up in her feedback and she was passed by the CN her mentor and offered a job as an hca? Of course she'll think she's done it well. (Or is she related to someone!)

It sounds like she has failed her nurse training if she's returned as a HCA.

Original poster

LibbyVonTrap · 31/12/2021 07:13

She’s taking a year out for personal reasons apparently

OP posts:

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 31/12/2021 07:14

Why when she was on placement did the nurse in charge not go through the university?

What happened to her being a nurse if she’s got a job as an hca?

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