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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what the psychology is behind virtue signalling?

150 replies

chrisevans · 30/12/2021 22:35

Is it a low self esteem thing?

Is it that the person is actually a good person but likes recognition?

Is it trying to be inspiring to others?

I know people get annoyed by it, the whole I just donated ..... announcements but what is it about the donator that they are trying to achieve or what is the psychology behind it?

Personally you carry on telling us about your good deeds and good for you, but I am interested to know thoughts on the above.

OP posts:
Original poster
chrisevans · 30/12/2021 23:41

I was referring to actual acts of charity / kindness that have taken place such as giving time, money, blood, food etc

And then broadcasting it in some way.

OP posts:
KrispyBrussels · 30/12/2021 23:42

In Big 5 personality traits would it be high in agreeableness low in conscientiousness?

I think it's the newer term for hypocrisy.

BluebellsGreenbells · 30/12/2021 23:43

Thing is I see x doing minor things and getting hundreds of likes and Y does bigger thing and not many likes or comments.

People are weird.

WarOnWoman · 30/12/2021 23:49

@chrisevans

I was referring to actual acts of charity / kindness that have taken place such as giving time, money, blood, food etc

And then broadcasting it in some way.

For me that's not virtue signalling (vs).

VS is about expressing a public opinion that shows what a good person you are.

What you're describing is something else. It's showing off through social media. An extension of look at me and my exciting life.

youkiddingme · 30/12/2021 23:49

I'd rather have someone do something good and put it on their Instagram for a bit of peer approval than not do the good thing.
Supporting causes and not actually doing anything other than sticking some logo or pronoun or whatever on your bio is pointless and cringey - unless it's to raise awareness of a specific event that you hope others will support too.

StrawberrySquash · 30/12/2021 23:55

@chrisevans

I was referring to actual acts of charity / kindness that have taken place such as giving time, money, blood, food etc

And then broadcasting it in some way.

I think it's perfectly understandable, if often annoying. You've done a thing and feel good about it. Some of it is you want to share that feeling, that good news. Some of it is you want to educate others and maybe encourage them to do it. Like if you talk about giving blood it normalises it and might prompt someone else to book a session. My friend donated bone marrow and I was interested to read his fb post about it because one day I might get asked. And if you've done a thing why not be proud of it? If I bake a beautiful cake I take a picture.

It's about how you do it and how much that's where it tips into unhealthy. But like most 'problematic' human behaviours, it's a normal human way to act because we are group creatures and we need to signal to and bond with the group. It's just sometimes it goes into overdrive or is misdirected.

Potatodrivers · 30/12/2021 23:56

Its where selfish people can use something to appear selfless and seek praise openly, with the view that what they're doing is so selfless they couldn't possibly appear selfish for seeking the praise.

KenDodd · 30/12/2021 23:58

Actually I think giving blood is a big deal. I know someone who talks a lot about giving blood and how important it is, often posts when pop up donation sites are etc. She herself has never given blood, she can't. She received a large amount of blood years ago and would have died without it.
You lot just seem keen to throw stones at people doing good, why don't we talk about the psychology around that?

Zeebrazebra · 31/12/2021 00:06

Thanks Exactly @Kendodd. Says more about the people obsessed with virtue signalling. Likewise with ‘liberal lefty do gooders’ and wokeism. A mixture of envy and feeling shamed.

snapsieplopp · 31/12/2021 00:16

. So was Captain Tom a virtue signalling wanker then ? All just a big stunt to make himself look good then ?

That's not virtue signalling

JohnHuffam1812 · 31/12/2021 00:19

Isn't being against virtue signalling actually virtue signalling?

snapsieplopp · 31/12/2021 00:19

It's annoying when done by individuals but downright cynical, deceitful and opportunistic when done by corporations.

Yes

Don't tweet about stuff improve disabled access in your shops, or pay your staff the correct salary.

JohnHuffam1812 · 31/12/2021 00:20

The Captian Tom Point is very valid!

snapsieplopp · 31/12/2021 00:21

virtue signalling is getting dressed up, going to BLM parade, posting a pic on instagram & then going home

JohnHuffam1812 · 31/12/2021 00:22

I think virtue signalling is often a term used by people who, because of their own values, can't believe other people can do things out of any motives other than base self interest.

Dutchesss · 31/12/2021 00:24

I'm sure there's many reasons as there are many ways it's done. It's not all bad though, some litter picking pictures, for example, may encourage others to join in.

The staying at home and saving lives slogan... Now that's another story.

SarahDippity · 31/12/2021 00:28

@KenDodd

Actually I think giving blood is a big deal. I know someone who talks a lot about giving blood and how important it is, often posts when pop up donation sites are etc. She herself has never given blood, she can't. She received a large amount of blood years ago and would have died without it. You lot just seem keen to throw stones at people doing good, why don't we talk about the psychology around that?
I had this very thought today, and in fact it was around blood donation. Many of us mean to do good deeds, but don’t get round to it or put it off, and a nudge or signal can make that difference in normalising, mainstreaming, motivating, etc.

Is ‘virtue signalling’ just a snide way of describing someone who models good or socially-conscientious behaviour?

(I’m giving blood next Tuesday.)

snapsieplopp · 31/12/2021 00:33

Is ‘virtue signalling’ just a snide way of describing someone who models good or socially-conscientious behaviour?

No because it's the description of portraying the good behaviour not actually doing it.

The man who supposedly coined the term describes it as "One of the crucial aspects of virtue signalling is that it does not require actually doing anything virtuous."

JohnHuffam1812 · 31/12/2021 00:36

If that's the meaning then it's repeatedly misused to attack people then

SarahDippity · 31/12/2021 00:37

@JohnHuffam1812

If that's the meaning then it's repeatedly misused to attack people then
Agree
NinaDefoe · 31/12/2021 00:39

@chrisevans

I was referring to actual acts of charity / kindness that have taken place such as giving time, money, blood, food etc

And then broadcasting it in some way.

People want others to know how good they have been. Validation.

www.kent-teach.com/Blog/post/2017/11/28/5-benefits-of-giving.aspx

sst1234 · 31/12/2021 00:44

I don’t think it’s all the harmless reasons people have given like they are are looking for validation etc. it’s much more sinister than that. It’s a superiority complex. These people think they are morally better than than everyone else. The type that use the terms like ‘daily fail’ and ‘brexshitters’. And ask wide eyed questions with faux dismay like ‘why does anyone vote Tory’. They’re basically saying that they are so clever and advanced in their thinking they cannot possibly comprehend why everyone else hasn’t caught up to their level.

NameChange2PostThis · 31/12/2021 00:50

@chrisevans

I was referring to actual acts of charity / kindness that have taken place such as giving time, money, blood, food etc

And then broadcasting it in some way.

That’s just showing off. It’s crass and childish. ‘Look at me!’ Attention seekers will post these activities on SM. But I guess at least they are doing something helpful.

Virtue signalling is even more empty. It’s trying to get the bragging rights whilst putting in the minimum effort. ‘Look at me, I posted a BLM/climate change/covid awareness message on my SM. That means I’m a good person. It’s tedious and pathetic. So I guess it includes narcissists as well as wankers in general.

Happinessislife · 31/12/2021 01:06

AIBU to still feel hurt by siblings. Long story short. I'm seventh of eight grown up siblings. Three disabled siblings, needing lots of support, sadly one passed, early forties. I've always been the peacemaker, the pleaser, but genuinely do love them all. But I'm terribly hurt by the actions of three of my older siblings and how they have treated me since our parents passed.
It's been 8 years now and yet the pain resurrects. They really have been cruel and heartless and in fact the whole experience left me broken.

And it was the support and love of hubby and friends that helped me to cope. On the surface, I'm fine with my siblings but in reality, I'm still upset. To make it worse, they're older now and getting frail. I feel bad to carry a grudge. And they act as though its all water under the bridge. I do try.
Should I tell them how I feel? It risks an argument.

Bettysnow · 31/12/2021 01:08

I personally think with some people its entirely egotistical and is all about enjoying the adulation while for some its genuinely to help for a variety of other reasons. Both have their roots embedded in the past and life experience. There are many different needs that are met when doing this but lots of difference depending on the individual and their individual experiences.
Personally i don't care why someone is doing it as i believe if someone wants an ego massage/ needs to resolve some deep unresolved, unconscious conflict through helping another human being then thats great! Raising money, creating awareness all good regardless of personal reasons. Someone somewhere is being helped the reasons behind why someone wants to help ultimately matter not.