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Original poster

Is it just me? Selfish dad??

57 replies

Sleeplesschristmas · 30/12/2021 21:19

So my little one (5 weeks) doesnt sleep unless they are being held...they are slowly getting used to being put in basker overnight but dont sleep for long periods. So my husband does 9-12 in the evening before i breastfeed /sort night wakings through the night. Tonight husband announced he was going to put him down and let him "cry it out"..because he wasnt going to hold him all night again.. . Already I can hear baby screaming continuously. I offered to make husband a bottle before i came to bed, he said no. He barely held him for two minutes before putting him in down.
Im in the room directly above, and our toddler is in the house too. I dont think im going to be able to get much sleep if baby is going to be crying all night, I hate the thought of it... Surely you would put them down for a short while yes but if they are really, really crying at this age surely you would want to do all you could to soothe them??

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 30/12/2021 21:23

Get up and pick up your baby and get your DH to fuck off.

You cannot let a 5 week old baby cry it out - it’s barbaric.

The baby isn’t even aware it’s not a part of you yet. Your DH is being utterly vile.

dchange · 30/12/2021 21:25

Sorry, but why are you allowing this to happen? Can you not take the baby and put in a sling whilst maybe putting the toddler to bed? The person suffering unfortunately is the baby and not your hubby. Now, I do feel he may be doing this intentionally for you to step in and he misses his one simple responsibility. However, I suggest you deal with him tomorrow and focus on your baby.

I am sure you are also exhausted as well. Not sure if there is family that can help in the morning.

Chamomileteaplease · 30/12/2021 21:25

5 weeks????

Your husband knows NOTHING about looking after a baby. Get him a book!

Jesus. That is really cruel.

Unanananana · 30/12/2021 21:26

Why are you passively listening to your five week old baby scream? Get up and pick him up.

Deal with your twat of a husband after. He is vile but you just listening to it going on is no better.

AperolWhore · 30/12/2021 21:27

How can you allow your husband to do this? It’s practically abuse! Pick your child up, snuggle them tight and dump your husband if he refuses to get on board.

ShmeevilWeevil · 30/12/2021 21:27

Your child will grow up with abandonment issues if he cries continuously and you don't pick him up.

Lightswitch123 · 30/12/2021 21:27

Please get off mumsnet and go to your baby

Poor baby

AliveAndSleeping · 30/12/2021 21:30

5 weeks is way too young for crying it out. Please pick up the poor little thing (and maybe show dh this thread). CIO is highly controversial even for older babies but even the proponents of CIO ask you to not to do it before six months.

Pinkchocolate · 30/12/2021 21:36

Expecting a newborn to self-soothe is insane. Definitely pick up your baby, cuddle them, soothe them, feed them and keep doing it until their needs are met. Your baby is crying for a reason, tell your DH to do one! Focus on your baby and then figure out how to sort or leave your husband because this is worrying behaviour only five weeks in!

georgarina · 30/12/2021 21:39

As others have said, cry it out is for 6+ month old babies.

Your DH is essentially saying he's not going to bother doing his part, because you can't leave a 5 week old to cry.

Briarshollow · 30/12/2021 21:42

Jesus. That is awful. Your husband’s callous ineptitude is disturbing. Go get your baby boy and tell your husband to fuck off and learn some compassion, let alone how to care for a baby. Stupid, cruel bastard.

esloquehay · 30/12/2021 21:42

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CriminalOrator · 30/12/2021 21:43

Please don’t let this be real. Sad

LightSpeeds · 30/12/2021 21:47

Nope. Not for a 5 week old baby.

Only once they're much older and don't need feeding in the night.

Travis1 · 30/12/2021 21:49

Go and pick up your 5 week old baby and tell your cunt of a husband to get to fuck.

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 30/12/2021 21:50

Please get up and get your baby. I know it doesn't seem fair that you are doing it all and I know you are exhausted but your husband is obviously not someone you can depend on to help you.

Sometimeswinning · 30/12/2021 21:54

Honestly! Babies have been left to cry at this age and survived.

You need to take over. At 5 weeks old your baby does not need to cry it out. You and dh need a long talk about how you are going to sort this going forward.

Surely mumsnet is to help and give advice?? Some of your replies I imagine people weeping in despair. People have asked me some crazy questions regarding children/babies. Not once have I needed to be so rude or unkind!

GrazingSheep · 30/12/2021 21:54

How was he when your toddler was a newborn ?

Branleuse · 30/12/2021 21:59

5 weeks is so tiny. If he needs to be held by a parent then thats what he needs. You cant train a tiny baby to be ok on its own. Does he like a sling?

Ask him if he really cant manage the 9-12 period, he can do the rest of the night wakings instead, but leaving such a young infant to scream if all he needs is simply to be held, is neglectful

yellowtwo · 30/12/2021 22:00

Your baby is just 5 weeks old, don't listen to your husband, don't let baby cry it out, they are a newborn and can not learn to self soothe now.
Is your husband usually like this OP? I hope you are OK.

MollyQueenOfSocks · 30/12/2021 22:01

Jesus Christ, and you are letting this happen? Cry it out is awful enough but your baby is 5 weeks old!!!

SallyWD · 30/12/2021 22:05

Jesus! I did cry it out when my child was 14 months (after exhausting all other options). There's no way I could have done it at 5 weeks. That's just awful! It's only supposed to be done after 6 months. Your baby needs to be comforted now.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/12/2021 22:06

I hope you’ve intervened. 5 weeks is way too young.

HelloBunny · 30/12/2021 22:09

Christing hell, so harsh on the OP...
Her DH has only just come up with this crap, as he can’t hack the baby. Obviously, it’s her chance to sleep. He’s taking it away.
She’s upstairs, thinking “no way” hearing the baby crying. I used to go to bed, wrecked & leave my DH to comfort the baby some nights. I’d be raging if he’s tried this, too...

Stompythedinosaur · 30/12/2021 22:12

He is trying to force you to do 100% of the parenting by treating your baby cruelly when left in charge. He is showing you the sort of partner and father he intends to be.