Is it just me? Selfish dad??

[Sleeplesschristmas]

So my little one (5 weeks) doesnt sleep unless they are being held...they are slowly getting used to being put in basker overnight but dont sleep for long periods. So my husband does 9-12 in the evening before i breastfeed /sort night wakings through the night. Tonight husband announced he was going to put him down and let him "cry it out"..because he wasnt going to hold him all night again.. . Already I can hear baby screaming continuously. I offered to make husband a bottle before i came to bed, he said no. He barely held him for two minutes before putting him in down.
Im in the room directly above, and our toddler is in the house too. I dont think im going to be able to get much sleep if baby is going to be crying all night, I hate the thought of it... Surely you would put them down for a short while yes but if they are really, really crying at this age surely you would want to do all you could to soothe them??

I really feel for you OP. A toddler, a newborn and a husband who does not appear to be coping well. That is a tough mix.

You are going to have to dig deep as your kids need you to be mamma tiger here.

My advice... Your DP needs to go in the spare room every night, he can be in charge of the toddler (this worked really well for me) . Get yourself a chico next to me or similar, a cot that attaches to your bed. Get yourself set up for safe co-sleeping. It absolutely can be done safely, particularly if your husband is not in the bed. If you are bottle feeding, get a perfect prep. Expect this to be the set up for at least 6 months. If you can afford it get some childcare for your toddler and sleep when baby sleeps. You will be knackered to your very bones until baby starts some kind of sleeping pattern, but you need to take control.

You need to focus on you and the kids right now. You can deal with your husbands issues when you start getting some regular sleep.

Good luck, it is going to be a bumpy ride.

He’s a medical expert who’s against bed sharing but thinks it’s fine to leave a distressed newborn to cry

Agree you DP needs to sleep with toddler every night, you concentrate on baby.
I had two with 18 months in between and in my time dads did very little to help, although I think he did sleep with our youngest in the early days.
So I had a newborn and an 18 month old, I napped when they napped and yes I co slept at night with baby.

He probably knows it's unrealistic at that age, but also knows you'll pick up his slack, the selfish man child.

This has elements of another thread posted in the last week or so. Did you have another thread OP?

@AnneLovesGilbert

He’s a medical expert who’s against bed sharing but thinks it’s fine to leave a distressed newborn to cry

My thoughts precisely

With our first he ended up going to the dr after beinf signed off work with stress. He became very withdrawn, quiet, grumpy and didn't want to spend any time with her. I ended up almost having to look after both of them. It really affected their bonding. They are much better now. As she got more independent and able to 'play' with him and give something back.
Yes I did post about lack of sleep maybe last week? I feel like baby is improving their sleep, he went down for almost 2 hours in one go last night, then a couple of 30 minute bursts.
Unfortunately toddler isn't settling as well for naps or sleep over night so both me and husband are struggling to nap when they nap.
I appreciate all your comments, thank you. I think sometimes it's so valuable to speak to someone who is impartial because I really do question myself. Im also recovering from a traumatic emergency c section so can't drive to see friends, and we have a nervous collie at home which means i can't invite friends over as he has tried to bite visitors before when he gets scared. So have been very alone