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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like a hypocrite but AIBU? Re social media

66 replies

emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:21

My boyfriend and I are together since summer 2020.
He is divorced.I am separated.
We're both mid forties and very happy together.
My aibu is that my lawyer has advised that I don't 'advertise' our relationship on social media as my ex is jealous and we are soon to divorce. She feels that he could make life very difficult for me as he had an affair which is why I'm divorcing him.
My boyfriend and I tag each other on posts of interest regularly so our mutual friends can see our interactions and a more than normal interaction between both of us.
I feel like a hypocrite as he has no evidence of me on his social media and it
Pisses me off. He changed his status to single after he divorced years ago.
He isn't a fan of public declarations of togetherness not to mind any gushing nonsense and never has been with any exes.
Neither am I but I feel he could tag me now and again when we are places together.
Aibu or plain ridiculous.
I've met all his family friends and colleagues fwiw and we are very much a couple publically.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/12/2021 12:26

So you are trying to keep your relationship off social media but your annoyed he isn’t mentioning your relationship on social media? I think really you know your being unreasonable

Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:27

I know ! I can't understand why in feel like this.

OP posts:
cheeseislife8 · 30/12/2021 12:28

Why does it matter to you if he acknowledges you on social media? Would that not contradict what your lawyer has advised?

Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:30

I guess my ex wouldn't see it. We are a secret on social media and I don't like it I guess.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/12/2021 12:31

This only matters if you're 14

Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:33

I understand that it may seem
Immature to some but we are so isolated now and the majority of my interactions with friends and acquaintances is via social media in order to keep in touch.

OP posts:
BaileysBaileys · 30/12/2021 12:34

Get off Facebook and grow up

gannett · 30/12/2021 12:34

My boyfriend and I tag each other on posts of interest regularly so our mutual friends can see our interactions and a more than normal interaction between both of us.

Why on earth do you think your mutual friends want to see you gushing over each other?

In your mid-40s surely you realise how meaningless social media is? I'm fairly sure I'm still single on Facebook despite my 10-year relationship with DP.

Dixiechickonhols · 30/12/2021 12:34

I’d go with your solicitors advice. As soon as you are legally single then have a conversation about going public on social media with bf.
If for example you are divorcing husband on grounds of adultery and you are also committing adultery (legally you are still married with a bf) then I can see it may hamper smooth negotiations re financial settlement.
If bf not hiding you in real life I wouldn’t worry.

arethereanyleftatall · 30/12/2021 12:34

And you're mid 40s you say?

Merryoldgoat · 30/12/2021 12:35

Didn’t you post this exact thread a few weeks ago? It’s extremely familiar.

itwasntaparty · 30/12/2021 12:36

Mid 40s? Seriously?

HacerSonarSusPasos · 30/12/2021 12:37

You want him to tag you in SM posts even though it might make your divorce more lengthy and complicated than it needs to be? Why?
What is it that you are insecure about?
Are you afraid he's hiding you somehow?

I don't see anything weird in his behaviour but maybe there's relevant context?

Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:37

I see why my lawyer suggested this.
I know I'm being unreasonable. It feels very secretive.I am mid forties. I don't post about this before.I watched a film last evening and this theme was running through it so it got into my mind.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/12/2021 12:38

I think often most gushy couples on SM are the ones who aren’t that happy and secure in their relationship.

Really other than knowing your happy even the best of friends don’t need to know about your relationship

Dixiechickonhols · 30/12/2021 12:38

Bf may not like social media. He may never have been type to post couples type things. You say he’s never done gushing posts. He might be traditional and not like flaunting he’s having relationship with a married lady. All you can do is speak to him. I would think why it’s important to you. Is it because friends do it? I always think those that gush the most on sm are the ones with issues. But I’m mid 40s.

Thatsplentyjack · 30/12/2021 12:39

My boyfriend and I tag each other on posts of interest regularly

I feel he could tag me now and again when we are places together.

Confused
Dixiechickonhols · 30/12/2021 12:39

Cross post! sirzy

HacerSonarSusPasos · 30/12/2021 12:39

@emilyinlondon

I understand that it may seem Immature to some but we are so isolated now and the majority of my interactions with friends and acquaintances is via social media in order to keep in touch.
So? Your friends and family know he exists. Why do they constantly need to be reminded of your relationship via SM? What exactly do you feel deprived of?
JustLyra · 30/12/2021 12:40

Does he tag lots of other people?

Isn’t remotely weird for DH not to tag me in things as he hardly uses it.

Have a relative who is very active, tags loads of people in stuff, checks in every time he goes anywhere. His girlfriend is equally active. Would be very odd if they never tagged each other.

Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:40

We really are not the gushy type but it feels weird to see him post photos of places that we visit and holidays and there is no evidence that we are together.
Just feels strange.

OP posts:
HacerSonarSusPasos · 30/12/2021 12:41

Does he know about your lawyer's advice? Maybe he's purposefully avoiding causing you problems.

Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:42

He only tags me.

OP posts:
Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:43

He does know what my lawyer has said.

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 30/12/2021 12:43

Does he post at all. I can maybe understand a little if he’s constantly on sm posting fun night with x y z and missing you off each time. But if you go somewhere and he doesn’t post anything I don’t see issue.
If you see his friends and family in real life and are introduced as his girlfriend then there’s no issue. Do you suspect he might still be married/with his wife?