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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel like a hypocrite but AIBU? Re social media

66 replies

emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 12:21

My boyfriend and I are together since summer 2020.
He is divorced.I am separated.
We're both mid forties and very happy together.
My aibu is that my lawyer has advised that I don't 'advertise' our relationship on social media as my ex is jealous and we are soon to divorce. She feels that he could make life very difficult for me as he had an affair which is why I'm divorcing him.
My boyfriend and I tag each other on posts of interest regularly so our mutual friends can see our interactions and a more than normal interaction between both of us.
I feel like a hypocrite as he has no evidence of me on his social media and it
Pisses me off. He changed his status to single after he divorced years ago.
He isn't a fan of public declarations of togetherness not to mind any gushing nonsense and never has been with any exes.
Neither am I but I feel he could tag me now and again when we are places together.
Aibu or plain ridiculous.
I've met all his family friends and colleagues fwiw and we are very much a couple publically.

OP posts:
NoNameHere12 · 30/12/2021 13:47

Feeing like your being completely ignored is also not very reassuring though is it, so it goes both ways, some people share to much on social media and it looks fake and their relationship may come to a quick end, but I don’t see how you can’t say the same to a couple who don’t even appear to acknowledge each other at all and often there social media looks like they are single or that they don’t even care abo their partner.

I think it goes both ways personally

Shiningpath · 30/12/2021 13:51

Sorry but you really need to get a grip with this. You sound like a teenager.

Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 13:58

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 30/12/2021 14:01

Do you think this goes deeper?
Do you think your partner is not as serious as you or something?

shoopashoop · 30/12/2021 14:07

Hmm so glad I’m not on Facebook

GiveMeNovocain · 30/12/2021 14:11

@NoNameHere12

Feeing like your being completely ignored is also not very reassuring though is it, so it goes both ways, some people share to much on social media and it looks fake and their relationship may come to a quick end, but I don’t see how you can’t say the same to a couple who don’t even appear to acknowledge each other at all and often there social media looks like they are single or that they don’t even care abo their partner.

I think it goes both ways personally

We're coming up on our 20th wedding anniversary. We talk every day. I'm not sure what acknowledging dh on sm would add to our relationship. I'm also secure enough not to care whether other people judge us on that
lynntheyresexswappers · 30/12/2021 14:13

@gannett

My boyfriend and I tag each other on posts of interest regularly so our mutual friends can see our interactions and a more than normal interaction between both of us.

Why on earth do you think your mutual friends want to see you gushing over each other?

In your mid-40s surely you realise how meaningless social media is? I'm fairly sure I'm still single on Facebook despite my 10-year relationship with DP.

This Confused do you actually think your friends read your comments to one another??
Dixiechickonhols · 30/12/2021 14:18

If it’s not his style then I really wouldn’t push him. You are happy in real life together that’s what counts.
Maybe look into counselling if you are just coming out of a difficult marriage where he cheated there’s bound to be unresolved baggage there.

dworky · 30/12/2021 14:19

I find it hard to believe that anyone would jeopardise a smooth, prompt divorce for the sake of social media posting.
Have you wobbled your head lately?

Credenhill22 · 30/12/2021 14:28

Did you say you are mid 14s or mid 40s??

whitewashing · 30/12/2021 14:37

Have you written his name on your ruler?

WonderfulYou · 30/12/2021 14:38

Did you say you are mid 14s or mid 40s??

I definitely don’t believe OP is mid 40s. I think that’s why she put about the divorce lawyer in there so it made her sound older.

OmgIThinkILikeYou · 30/12/2021 14:47

Honestly it really doesn't matter. 11 years I have been with dp and you would struggle to find online evidence of this outside of searching my name on MN, which is obviously anonymous.

I don't like sharing my life publicly, I have never used the tag function on FB and when others have tagged me I decline the request. Some people just like their private lives to stay private.

BooksAndGin · 30/12/2021 14:50

Delete Facebook. Problem solved.

Some people shouldn't have social media and your one of those people. Immature shit.

JustLyra · 30/12/2021 14:52

Some of the people being rudely sneery to someone trying to work out why something she knows shouldn’t bother her does are massively more immature than they’re accusing the OP of being.

Sometimes stupid things bug us. The OP is trying to work out why this is one of those things.

Original poster
emilyinlondon · 30/12/2021 15:16

Mid 40's.
I knew posting here that there would be nastiness and sneery posters but I also knew that there would be kind and decent posters who would help me make sense of how ridiculous I was being about it all.
Maybe because I was cheated upon and the majority of comms was online between them initially.
Possibly sensitive and needing reassurances . Im not sure why I was being so unreasonable but I have taken away lots of solid and reasonable thoughts.
Thanks.

OP posts:
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