I feel ungrateful for some presents - am I?

[BendyWendyCheesyFeet]

My husband is a thoughtful and kind person but he seems to miss the mark when it comes to gifts.

For the last twenty years, he disappears a couple of days before Christmas or my birthday to 'sort some things'. I will then receive a number of gifts from the same shop on the big day that seem like he has panic bought them. Also these days, we usually get a load of Amazon boxes arrive the day before. A lot of the time it's not stuff I want particularly and I find myself getting more frustrated about it as each year passes.

Here are some examples of things he has given me:

• A scarf I already had 'as a back up'
• The same cheap perfume I had in the early 2000s which goes next to all the other unopened boxes he buys each year.
• A book by his favourite author, I got him the same for his present.
• A book I was currently reading in front of him, but in paperback instead of hardback.
• Some jewelry you would imagine an elderly aunt wearing.
• The most hideous and impractical bag, he had gone to Radley because I was admiring a leather bag there, and he obviously filtered low to high and bought the cheapest, tiniest one which wasn't even leather.
• Tickets to a preschool show (think along the lines of In the Night Garden) before we had kids.

I tried talking to him gently about these things and he told me I was impossible to buy for. I don't agree with this, but as he doesn't get hints I suggested I do a specific list instead. I already have one I write for my mum and sisters but he never asked to look at it. So I sent him that. This time he missed the mark even more than ever seeing as he had guidance!

• I asked for a Fit Bit, I got a cheap Chinese version from Amazon that has already broken.
• I asked for a specific pair on sunglasses, he bought some cheaper versions that we had already tried on in a shop and I said I didn't like them.
• I asked for a ring from Pandora and got a generic charm.
• I asked for a specific large umbrella for me to use on the school run, and he got me a little handbag umbrella which I already have three of as he buys them for me!
• I asked for a specific brand of bath foam and he got me a toiletries set from a cheaper brand with stuff like body lotion I won't use.
• A perfume - he got the same one again (he says he likes it, but I don't, and I have enough to last me five lifetimes now).

Please note I did explain to him that I do not expect all of the things on the list, and I specifically said I would rather have one thing I wanted than loads of things I don't. He's not poor by any means, but we both like to be thrifty and I don't mind that. It just feels like he goes too far.

Should I now remove the items from my list that he got the cheaper versions of, or would you leave them on for next year?!

Thanks for letting me unload, I know this is a first world problem!

If you want something specific, just buy it for yourself.

I just don't do presents at all, not for friends or family. Its either cash or nothing. Its mutually agreed of course with each person. Saves so much hassle and any unintended disappointment. Instead we've agreed to do something together e.g. as a gift i'll arrange a dinner/ lunch or an acitivty like mini golf with them that we do. Creating moments we can remember instead of things.

Life is so much better this way.

@Spectre8

I just don't do presents at all, not for friends or family. Its either cash or nothing. Its mutually agreed of course with each person. Saves so much hassle and any unintended disappointment. Instead we've agreed to do something together e.g. as a gift i'll arrange a dinner/ lunch or an acitivty like mini golf with them that we do. Creating moments we can remember instead of things.

Life is so much better this way.

My family all do cash and my husband has so many siblings that they agreed years and years ago not to do presents.I have a friend who has many relatives , god children , spouses of her children and their parents and siblings . She has ended up buying for 35 people.She won't do cash so ends up spending hours on end buying low priced ,pointless crap for everyone. She was very sad when BHS and Debenhams went bust as the opportunity to buy crap for £4.99 a pop was sadly depleted.She can't seem to see that it's all rubbish that no one actually wants and no present/a fiver in an envelope would be quicker and create far less rubbish.

@BendyWendyCheesyFeet

He's not a complete nightmare, as he does get thoughtful stuff too, it's just over twenty years these things feel like they mounted up and I think because I did a list this time (yes it had links) it made me feel a bit frustrated.

You are right, perhaps forget the big gifts altogether and just do each other stockings.

If you just do stockings then your stocking will be shite too. It will never be filled with beautifully wrapped, carefully thought out gifts that demonstrate a real understanding of the true you. It will probably be crap from poundland because in his head a stocking is small therefore he will need to buy small things. A beautiful piece of exquisite jewellery is small......but so is a roll on deodorant from a supermarket. Save yourself the heartache Op and buy the jewellery for yourself.

You're not ungrateful

He is tight if you asked for a fitbit abs he got you an off brand version or if he got you the cheapest thing at Radley