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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to just want a quiet day in?

75 replies

WineGetsMeThroughIt · 29/12/2021 11:40

For some reason my husband has decided that over the Christmas holidays he wants to get the children out and doing fun things as much as possible.

Christmas Eve we did stay at home most of the day, but went for an afternoon walk and to the park and then to some local shops and an early evening church service.

Christmas Day we stayed home. I cooked the entire day, made them all 3 meals, tidied in between and basically didn't sit down until Christmas dinner at 6pm.

Boxing Day we went to a national trust property about 45 mins away. The children bickered and fought and squabbled in the back of the car the entire way there and back. I was constantly having to tell them to stop, pass them snacks, tell them to be quiet Etc.

The 27th we drove for nearly 2hrs (should have taken us an hour) to go to a new fast food restaurant they all wanted to go in and queued up for 25 mins before we could get in. Then went to some shops where the crowds were insane, then a winter wonderland fun fair thing, then to dinner (tried 4 restaurants before one had space for us). The whole day was terrible, service was awful. Didn't leave until nearly 9pm for an hours drive back home. I was so overwhelmed by the noise and business and bickering between everything and the children I flipped out at my son to stop pestering my daughter in the car and I paid him £5 to be quiet the entire journey home 😩

Yesterday we went swimming and then to Tesco. Again a 30 min car ride with both children is a nightmare.

Husband has been asking me what we're going to do today (he asked this last night and today) and I said I really just want a quiet day at home so I can tidy up some of the Christmas mess, and get some laundry done and some food prepped to take to a friends house tomorrow. He keeps getting so annoyed that I'm not on board with his constant entertainment of the children and is adamant we do fun things to make the holidays memorable for them. He really wants to drive 30 mins to an indoor trampoline park today or a play centre but this makes me very anxious with covid and the noise and the fact I'll have to be chasing our daughter around watching her.

He can tell I'm not keen on this as I don't really say anything when he mentions it. He asked me again what we're doing this morning and I said I would really just like a day at home. He got all stroppy and started into his usual tirade of put downs for me saying I was being selfish and how I never want to do anything. I told him he could take one or both children (10 & 3) to the trampoline. Park but I didn't want to go. He said I was running the holidays and I'm incredibly selfish.

AIBU for just wanting a quiet day in and not putting the children's fun first? Are we doing enough? We have things planned for next week too.

For context - I had undiagnosed ADHD and am an introvert. Sounds like bickering and whining and crying with my sons sounds on top put me over the edge. I suspect my son has ADHD / ASD / Tourette's. Daughter is just a normal 3yr old so can't rationalise things all that well

OP posts:
Whatifitallgoesright · 29/12/2021 11:47

He takes them on his own of course. This is obvious. Is he not a grown man and capable father? Tell him it's important that he has quality time with them just him. Pillock.

Whatifitallgoesright · 29/12/2021 11:48

Ask him why he needs you there every outing? Is he nervous about having them on his own?

WineGetsMeThroughIt · 29/12/2021 11:50

@Whatifitallgoesright

Ask him why he needs you there every outing? Is he nervous about having them on his own?
Yes. For some reason he makes a massive issue if he has to deal with them on his own. He can. And does occasionally. But I never hear the end of it and if I don't want to come I'm selfish and terrible
OP posts:
Thehop · 29/12/2021 11:51

He wants you for childcare. No reason at all he shouldn’t take them himself and give you chance to stay home.

SushiGo · 29/12/2021 11:52

He should absolutely be taking them on his own if he wants to go out and you don't and he is very unreasonable to say anything otherwise!

Stand your ground.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 29/12/2021 11:56

Why not say over 129k people tested positive for Covid within the last 24 hours and staying home is more appealing?

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 29/12/2021 11:59

I could not tolerate this OP. My DH regularly takes the kids out so I can get things done or just gave a break. Often I do the same. There's no need to spend every minute together.

Your day out with two meals and rides etc must have cost a fortune and if it's not enjoyable what's the point?

Tell him firmly, if you want to go out just go, I have plenty to do here.

Muthalucka · 29/12/2021 12:00

Yanbu the kids are probs arguing because they are exhausted and need downtime

WineGetsMeThroughIt · 29/12/2021 12:01

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

Why not say over 129k people tested positive for Covid within the last 24 hours and staying home is more appealing?

He doesn't care and thinks masks and the rules are a load of bollocks. He gets very angry with me if I mention my anxiety about covid and worrying about catching it. Omicron doesn't worry me, but delta is still out there and that worries me.

The other day when we'd gone to the mall and winter wonderland and dinner I was so anxious and on edge from the whole ordeal of the day (everything that could have gone wrongs did) I had a burning and tightness in my chest until 3am from the anxiety 😕

OP posts:
DontDoThatGeorge · 29/12/2021 12:03

Just be selfish and terrible!
Nothing bad will happen, and you'll have a lovely peaceful day.

Wave them off with a big smile.

MadeOfStarStuff · 29/12/2021 12:04

The obvious answer is he takes the kids to the trampoline park and you stay at home and have a quiet day (don’t spend it cleaning/cooking/sorting stuff out!), then everyone is happy

foxlover47 · 29/12/2021 12:07

He doesn't have any right to put you down for not wanting to go out ... he shouldn't be putting you down full stop x

misskatamari · 29/12/2021 12:08

Goodness you’re so not being unreasonable! Your husband is being a complete dick in how he’s speaking to you as well. By all means have a difference of opinion but when blaming and name calling comes in - nope!

I’m totally with you on needing some downtime (thankfully dh is on board with this, more so than me in fact, he’d happily stay in constantly!). Kids have had a busy term, all the excitement of Christmas, they don’t need constant entertainment and trips out! Sometimes it’s good for everyone to just have some quiet time at home.

We are quite the homebodies here, and with covid at the moment I don’t want to be going to rammed shops and trampoline parks etc anyway. This holiday we’ve basically left the house for walks and the rest of the time have watched movies, done a jigsaw, played board games and computer games together, and generally pottered about. Eg kids playing with their new toys while a read my book. They’re having a great old time! Yes it’s nice to go out for a lovely day out, but it’s still so possible to have a great time at home, hanging out together and relaxing. I hope your husband either takes the kids out himself or realises you can enjoy time together at home just as much as being out.

WineGetsMeThroughIt · 29/12/2021 12:26

Thanks all. I've stood my ground. He's just been sat on his laptop and told me he's booking them in this this afternoon and then says sulkingly "I guess you're not coming"

Nope! 😁

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 29/12/2021 12:27

So he wants the glory for making plans but expects you to go along and be the parent?

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/12/2021 12:33

If he wants to take them out he can take them. You just tell him you’re staying at home, it really shouldn’t be a big deal.
It’s his issue, not yours.

tootiredtospeak · 29/12/2021 12:37

I am a bit like your DH and consider a day inside a wasted day. It doesnt have to be anything big but I get a bit anxious after this last 2 years that if we dont cram in stuff when we can we might not have chance again for months. I dont think you are selfish but there are always two sides to how people feel is much point. After Xmas so far we have split a cinema trip with my DP taking our 9yr old and me taking the 5yr old to soft play and park visits shops to spend vouchers and tea out. Not as much as you but I wanted to do stuff with mine as before Xmas we did nothing so could see elderly relatives and next week we are back at work and they will be home sat in doing nothing. Tell him you understand but there needs to be a compromise. So a morning in and then a trip out in the afternoon or a walk later or tea out. I hate to be in my own house all day if I am not working it feels suffocating. No idea why it just does.

rufflyshirt · 29/12/2021 12:38

He wants to be the fun dad, whilst you are strict mum. It's crap.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/12/2021 12:38

I’m Similar to you husband, I need to be out and about all day long- I think it came from lockdown and I have this weird fear of having to stay home for yonks again so don’t want the kids to be bored of our home so it’s like I’m saving it for a lockdown

R3ALLY · 29/12/2021 12:38

Let him take them. I actually love doing things this week, even just the local park as I find the kids get unmanageable if they are in / watching screens all day. But my Oh doesn’t so he stays home and often prepares food etc. then when we get back I get a rest - and dinner! I think the odd family day out is lovely but you need a Christmas too

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 29/12/2021 12:39

@tootiredtospeak

Omg in the same!! And I’m also very tired!

TinyTroubleMaker · 29/12/2021 12:39

Wow we've barely been anywhere for days. At most a country walk. I spent this morning packing the Xmas stuff away it's all in the loft. Feels good to have it done. Daughter is busy watching all 3 Hobbit films on the sofa with snacks. Send him away. Relax. Take a tip from another thread I just saw about putting Baileys in your coffee (with whipped cream on top) while he's gone Grin

TheYearOfSmallThings · 29/12/2021 12:41

Oh my god you are not being unreasonable! Tell him to take them out for the day and let you sort the house out in peace. There is no need for two parents to suffer every single outing with children.

Wombat43 · 29/12/2021 12:43

Adhd is not well-named, you need space for recovery. He does not sound like a good husband for you.

As you get nearer to menopause age, he'll need to be kinder & more understanding or hell be toast or you'll break down. I'd be trying to fix this now. Frankly, sounds exhausting now too.

UnRavellingFast · 29/12/2021 12:43

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

So he wants the glory for making plans but expects you to go along and be the parent?
This. Times a thousand. My ex was the same. I’m fond of him etc but I always had to be the calming one and he always wanted to do bloody activities. Kids like chilling too!
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