Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

...to think this is not legally binding or enforceable?

88 replies

ConcernedFriend17 · 28/12/2021 22:07

Keen to hear from legally qualified Mumsnetters as I'm pretty worried about my friend. She's early forties and has been with her partner for four years. She's always lived beyond her means and a consequence of that is that she's never bought her own house or had any savings, in spite of having a good, secure job.

Her partner is financially secure and they have lived together in his house for the last three years. Recently she's been excitedly telling everyone that they're buying a new house together. I thought this was great; financial security for her, her own home etc. However she confided in me that she won't be on the mortgage or the deeds, but her partner will draw up a contract to pay her a certain amount of money if they split up.

This sounds really strange to me. And can it really be legally binding or enforceable? I know that she'll put her heart and soul into this house; she loves her partner but it's a rocky relationship. I'm just worried that she'll invest her time, money and love into somewhere and then she'll have absolutely zero to show for it, if they split.

AIBU in thinking this could be a financial disaster for her?

OP posts:

mobear · 29/12/2021 01:46

It’s unlikely to be enforceable but may assist if she decides to take him to court later (but there’s no guarantee, and she’d then have to spend money on lawyers also). She should obtain proper legal advice now.

mjkrta · 29/12/2021 02:08

as a friend you shouldnt be interferring,you have said they have a rocky relationshp so why would he make such a commitment?as her friend if things dont work out for HER.then say i told you so...and pour her a glass of wine

ajs8 · 29/12/2021 03:06

@ConcernedFriend17

She's not paying anything towards the deposit, and as her partner is wealthy, the mortgage is probably more than she can afford to pay her fair share of.

By the way - I'm not saying she deserves a share of the house; I just think she's deluding herself in talking about "their" house. I don't think this "contract" of giving her a financial settlement if they split us actually legally valid, and I think she'll end up with nothing after potentially investing years into making a home

So she has no claim on anything with no deposit. She’s put absolutely nothing into the house, but her partner has said he will give her some money if they split, despite her putting no money in??? You are either deluded or this is a reverse!!

HiJenny35 · 29/12/2021 03:16

He's paying for the house so it should be his. She lives above her means so wouldn't be able to get a mortgage anyway. If she moved out she'd have to move into rented so wouldn't be able to save and would be spending the same as she's spending on furnishings, at least this way she can take the furnishings with her if they seperat. I'm relaly not sure what you want to achieve, she can't achieve financial independence as she lives above her means, her choice is with him and pay for furniture on her own and pay rent. Either way she isn't saving for her future.

CheshireKitten123 · 29/12/2021 09:20

@ConcernedFriend17

No, *@JeffThePilot* - I'm suggesting she should be using her own money to secure her own financial future.

Agreed, she should but she hasn't shown any inclination to do that up to now, so why do you think she will change?

And now she has some -mug- person who is happy to bankroll her frivolous lifestyle there isn't any incentive for her to financially plan ahead.

PinkWednesdays · 29/12/2021 09:21

I’m confused - you’re worried she’d be left with nothing if they split and she was kicked out from a home that she doesn’t own, doesn’t contribute financially to and her only contribution is decorating the home.

Surely the money she has spent decorating the home (and even then, there’s only decoration she can do) would be going on rent anyway if she wasn’t with him, so she would be in no worse position?

The onus is on her to protect herself by being better with money, not expecting a payout if they split.

PinkWednesdays · 29/12/2021 09:23

only so much decorating

mobear · 29/12/2021 09:49

I think OP is concerned because her friend may rely on something that is unenforceable and therefore be even less likely to plan for her financial future if she thinks she will be provided for (to whatever extent they’ve agreed). I don’t think it is unreasonable to be concerned for this reason.

Doesntfeellikexmas · 29/12/2021 09:57

@mobear

If its not enforceable, the friend leave with what she brought. Nothing.

Or some furniture. Or she could take responsibility for herself and manage her money better and set up her own back up plan. Like a grown up.

The friend is putting herself in a situation and claims to understand all the implications.

However, she is not losing anything. And she, if they split, she will be left with nothing as she has put nothing in.

Alittlepotofrosie · 29/12/2021 09:59

It would be worse for the man if they break up and this feckless woman walks away with half of everything he's worked for. He's protecting himself as he should.

GabriellaMontez · 29/12/2021 10:00

It became your business when she confided in you.

I totally understand your concerns. Some here seem to have wilfully misunderstood them.

If he is drawing up an 'agreement' but neither of them are seeing a solicitor, it's likely she's being misled into thinking she has some financial protection. She may be plan/save accordingly for the next 10 years based on this. Thats worrying and I'd urge her to seek legal advice over the contract he writes.

Frazzled2207 · 29/12/2021 10:02

@Justcallmebebes

You can have a Cohabiting/Partner Agreement drawn up by a solicitor that is legally binding. It's becoming more common

Yes this. I don’t think it’s 100% bombproof but most courts would uphold it.

ChristmasRobins · 29/12/2021 10:02

Your friend needs proper legal advice of her own. There's a lot more to consider here than whether the contract is enforceable.

CheshireKitten123 · 29/12/2021 10:05

@mobear

It's possible to be concerned but that won't stop anyone making poor choices.

I can remember two females I knew years ago who repeatedly got entangled in destructive relationships with married/attached men. Then, when it all went t*ts up (as it always did) they went into 'victim mode' crying "how could he do this to me?!"

I suggested to one of them that she might like to choose men who were free. Her reply "They pick me I don't pick them" ( ! ) I suggested she might like to say "No" and she never spoke to me again.

OP, you are only getting one side of the story.

Your friend is a grown women who is responsible for her own choices.
Accept a) that she isn't going to change
b) you can't be responsible for her poor choices.

You need to step back and stop giving her head space - she's not your problem

Simonjt · 29/12/2021 10:12

How much shopping for furniture can she do that means she is spending the equivalent of rent every single month?

Being financially irresponsible is a choice, being a freeloader is a choice, they’re both things she has actively chosen. If she has to move out and rent somewhere thats on her, no one else, she is an adult after all.

CheshireKitten123 · 29/12/2021 10:15

Simon;

"Being financially irresponsible is a choice, being a freeloader is a choice, they’re both things she has actively chosen. If she has to move out and rent somewhere thats on her, no one else, she is an adult after all."

Exactly this. ^

This is what many of us have been saying for the last 3 pages

GabriellaMontez · 29/12/2021 10:19

She could find herself paying all utilities, decorating, new boiler, gardener for 10 years.

This could be OK.

But if she mistakenly believes she would receive a sum of money should they split. I suspect she'd want a rethink.

He is rightly protecting himself.

Its good of you @ConcernedFriend17 to try and encourage her to seek legal advice. It sounds like she generally isn't coping very well.

BornIn78 · 29/12/2021 10:20

She is paying nothing towards the deposit or mortgage.

She will be paying no rent.

Her contribution might be buying some furniture and maybe paying for a bit of decorating. Well there’s only so much furniture you can buy and decorating to be done.

And if they split, he’s going to give her a lump sum of money?

Your friend should bite his hand off. She sounds like a financial disaster and she’s getting a great deal.

BornIn78 · 29/12/2021 10:23

Even if he refuses a financial settlement if they split, and whatever he promised is not legally enforceable, she’s still getting a good deal.

GoodPrincessWenceslas · 29/12/2021 10:26

I've asked her to engage her own solicitor but she says she's quite good with legal documents and will be able to sort it out herself.

That's an incredibly silly approach, especially when dealing with land. I'm no expert, but I suspect a simple contract won't do it - she probably needs a formal deed, and it certainly needs to be registered against the title to the property. She must get legal advice, not doing so would be a ridiculous false economy.

mobear · 29/12/2021 10:31

@Doesntfeellikexmas She is losing the opportunity to make an informed choice about her finances if she thinks she’s entitled to something that she isn’t.

Doesntfeellikexmas · 29/12/2021 10:33

[quote mobear]@Doesntfeellikexmas She is losing the opportunity to make an informed choice about her finances if she thinks she’s entitled to something that she isn’t.[/quote]
She is getting the opportunity. She can go get her own legal advice. She is choosing not to.

ElsieMc · 29/12/2021 10:39

When we married I provided the deposit for our first home as I had lived at home and had savings, not a huge amount but enough. DH progressed to a good job in time. There was no way he would not have been on the mortgage as we were a partnership, legal and otherwise.

I think your friend is getting a bit carried away and burying her head in the sand. If she is anything like my dd1, she will focus on spending on furniture and decorations to the house which is not hers. She had been stupid with money since she left school and is now mid thirties.
Huge extravagant gifts at Christmas but cannot pay bills. That said, her partner is correct to protect his own assets and this is because he knows she is reckless with money.

There will be things you do not know. My colleague was married but not on her own home mortgage. This was because the lender would not allow someone with so many CCJ's on the mortgage. They did split and she kept the house but I believe only because he did not want it and moved on with someone else. I suspect this is the main reason, but cannot know with certainty.

If she has always been reckless with money, then I think that is who she is. You cannot help here, it is down to her.

paddingtonbearsmarmalade · 29/12/2021 10:40

My partner owns our house and pays the mortgage; I pay the utilities & we split food. For a long time I was the higher earner but as the asset is his there’s no question of me paying more (except of course in an emergency or he suddenly lost his job - we had this as a back up option when lockdown hit). I pay small amounts towards “finishing” rooms or if I’d want something more expensive than he’d pay eg I bought the lovely bathroom mirror and split the cost of paint, but he paid for the refurbishment. If bills continue to go up significantly we’ll review and he’ll give me some money towards bills so that our expenditure is even.

However I also use this to hammer my savings to save towards a deposit of my own. This is my safety net if we split. I am very sensible with money and live within my means, and we talk about finances so neither of us is taking advantage of the other. I also know exactly which furniture I paid for or was given and what would therefore be coming with me!

This is a very long winded way of saying that these set ups can work, but you should both be going in with your eyes wide open & ensuring that you are both protecting your own interests as well as building your partnership. And your friend needs to be careful about what she pays for in terms of things that would be difficult to remove.

worriedaboutfitness · 29/12/2021 10:47

OP, I am your friend- my finances are a mess from years of overspending, and I currently live with my partner in their property which they own. I do pay half of the mortgage payments to them each month (it’s not clear from your OP if your friend will be doing this?) but to me it’s basically “rent” rather than actual mortgage contributions.

My partner and I have a document drawn up similar to what you’ve described, that says if we split I get back the money I’ve paid them and am entitled to nothing more- so essentially I can’t go after my partner saying I contributed to the mortgage for x years.

It’s not ideal and I’d love to be able to be on the mortgage properly, but until I get my finances straight (am working on it) it’s not an option. I consider myself incredibly lucky to be in this situation with the person I love- if I was your pal I’d be thanking my lucky stars too!

As a side note it means my partner and I can’t really get married as I would end up better off for no reason really and suddenly have a stake in their home- which is unfair as it’s my past mistakes that mean I’m not as financially secure. That’s the worst part for me, but is what it is.

Flip

1 2 3 4