Does anybody else not use people's names when speaking to them?

[Maddymorphosis]

Someone pointed out that I do it the other day

I only use names if I want to get their attention for instance if there are a few people in a room or they're part of a different conversation.

I wouldn't say 'Hey Sarah, how are you Sarah' etc.

I might on occasion do it by message but generally I don't use names when I speak to people.

I now feel kind of weird for it and odd, is there anybody else like me ?

@JayAlfredPrufrock

I don’t.

My DH cracks me up as when he texts me he writes Jay then signs off David. 🙄

That is hilarious

I hardly ever use people's names when speaking. It's not conscious - realising this a few years ago kind of blew my mind a bit.

I say dh's name a lot. He has a tendency to lose concentration (I'm pretty sure he has ADHD - I don't know how he made it through childhood in one piece listening to the stories) and saying his name anchors him back in.

I don't tend to do it to anyone else though and it's something that has evolved with DH. Gone are the days when he hung on every word I said

It does sound quite intense when people keep saying names in conversation. Like they are trying too hard to be friendly.

Whoever “pointed it out” and tried to make you feel awkward is actually the weird one.

Never use peoples names unless I want their attention.

I think the one who pointed it out is weird not you, couldn't imagine saying "hi Lucy! How are you Lucy? ...that's great Lucy, I'm fine thanks Lucy." There name wouldn't sound right after that many times.

If you bump in to someone and say their name that's fine.
But to keep saying it is weird

Also reminds me of creepy men when I worked the tills.
They would check your name tag and keep saying your name.

Dp doesn't really say my name,so when he does I think I'm in trouble🤣

I think it's the over familiarity that annoys me. Usually people who do it don't know me very well and it gets my back up when they do!

I don’t really. I only say it maybe if I need to get their attention at the start. Therefore I constantly say my husbands name before I start speaking coz he literally never listens and it’s exhausting repeating everything I say

I use someone’s name at the start of a conversation if I need to get their attention or perhaps saying “Hello Tom. How are you? “ and then proceed with the conversation. Or if we’re sitting in a group and I’d like to ask a question to one person in the group. But certainly not during the conversation thereafter.

Years ago, at work, many jobs were being outsourced to a company in another country. It must be their custom to say your name repeatedly during the course of your conversation (by phone). I found this very distracting and annoying. So much so, I used to complain to my DH each day. To me, saying my name during conversation had me expecting something very serious, some major point to follow not just continually use my name during a rather bland/routine conversation.

I say a name to get attention from someone and that's it. I'm sure others are the same with me. Why would you keep repeating someone's own name at them?? They know who you're talking to!

I think there are cultural expectations to do it in some parts of the world. On another forum I read, people from India always seem to be worrying about it - "my boss/girlfriend/neighbour never says my name, what does this mean?"

@ShirleyPhallus

I hate name overusers, they’ve usually been on some ghastly sales course and been told that’s how to build rapport

I agree. It's definitely from some playbook about building a connection etc and a lot of people do it in a professional or commercial context as I think its meant to humanise the relationship or something. In reality it just comes across as cringeworthy: laboured and naff.

I use people's names when its warranted, such as when I'm trying to get their attention or to distinguish them from another person. I don't go out of my way to say: "Hello Sue, how are you?"

I never use names, rarely even say my partner's name and its an easy one! Just feels weird. The worst thing is when people in (usually American) TV shows and books will randomly say someone's full name, including middle names, it makes me feel sick for some reason

It sounds odd and unnatural to use names in conversations and no-one I know does it.
There is an author I read (just one particular series of his, which is a sort of "cozy' crime series, they're not great fiction, but rather fun) ALL his characters do this, and it's very jarring.

I don’t but like @mynameiscalypso someone I work with has obviously been on the same course. Tbh depending on the conversation we are having rather than making her sound interested in me (or whatever the reason is) it sounds forced and disingenuous, almost as though she only does it because someone on a course once told her to do it!

I have one friend who does it a lot - he works caring for people with dementia so I wonder if it's a helpful habit for him and the residents that he brings with him?

Name overusers are annoying. On the other hand, I had a colleague who would never use anyone's names - just start up talking about 'he' or 'she', and you had to figure out who she was referring to from the context.

YANBU. It feels weird and creepy when someone uses a person's name too frequently when speaking to them. (Imo.) I don't do it if I can help it.

I think it feels presumptuous or that I’m intruding on the other person’s space if I use their name. Which is strange.

In Ye Olde Days, wasn’t it the custom to address acquaintances or non-family members as Miss/Mrs/Mr Jones in social settings until invited to do otherwise?

I’ve heard it done all wrong by pushy sales types, but I also do know a mum from school who does it in such a warm and engaging way, she makes you feel like you are the most interesting person she’s met, Puppy, and she loves including you.

For those suggesting it may be from a course, if I recall correctly it is from an early chapter of "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I was told to read it by a lecturer at university years ago and wasn't impressed!

I tend to use people's names at the start and end of conversations in professional settings if its not someone I deal with regularly. I struggle to remember names and it seems to help, but now I'm wondering if its making me come across as a bit fake.

I don't use people's names because my memory is terrible.

It is an actual sales tactic, possibly NLP (?) and therefore I am automatically suspicious of anyone who does it more than a normal amount.

I think this probably an introvert vs. extrovert thing. I don’t tend to use names but I know people who do it very naturally and it comes across as friendly (definitely not from a course, they were doing this as teenagers), but I also agree it is very easy to go into used car salesman territory.

My mum uses people's names a lot when it's unnecessary, in my opinion. She's always done it & I've never understood why.

After a possible ‘Hi ‘Op’’ I would not use a name at all during conversation.
To do so is to my ear a nervous filler type redundancy. Whenever I hear this it’s usually from younger nervous types ?

The only time a name might creep in would be at the fringes of an argument eg if talking might say ‘hang on ‘op’ that’s not what I meant at all’ or similar.