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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She's dumped it in the porch.

85 replies

WeasilyPleased · 27/12/2021 23:12

My sister told me she hated coming to ours for Christmas so I told her that as an adult, she could do what she liked. Dh suggested as this is last Christmas without baby, we would book at a local pub for Christmas lunch and his brother asked to come which was fine as he'd have been on his own otherwise.
We all went to sisters later. Her partner and his mum was there. First time we'd met her in 14 years! Presents opened an sister made a face at the clothes I'd bought her (which she had asked for)
After we got home, she rang, ranting that I'd bought wrong sizes and that I'd tried to make her look stupid in front of partners mum. She wasn't drunk just totally lost it and was saying ridiculous things about prefering dhs brother to her then slammed the phone down. After several abusive texts I blocked her.
Today we visited a friend. When I got back she'd left the clothes in a box in the porch and has been harassing dh's brother all day.
AIBU to not unblock her for a long time?

OP posts:
LadyNell · 28/12/2021 08:40

I'd go no contact why put up with that shit.

WhatToDo1988 · 28/12/2021 08:43

She sounds like an absolute psycho, let her be, don’t bother with her

GoodPrincessWenceslas · 28/12/2021 09:00

How does she have your BIL's phone number? Whatever else you do, get her number blocked from his phone.

starfishofbethlehem · 28/12/2021 09:12

Were the clothes all the same size? How come some were too small and some were too big?

Because sizes and fit vary even if bought from the same place. Most people know that.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 28/12/2021 09:46

She is being very unreasonable and from what you say that's normal for her. So you are being unreasonable to expect anything different from her. Don't waste time trying to make sense of her ridiculous behaviour. Ignore her, don't give her the oxygen of your attention. If you don't engage with her she can't be rude or manipulative. If she is upsetting your BIL block her number on his phone.

Give the clothes to charity or sell them on eBay. Concentrate on nicer things. Enjoy your pregnancy and the people in your life who give you pleasure.

Shedmistress · 28/12/2021 09:50

Make sure your BIL has her number blocked. She sounds unhinged so stop pandering to her.

pansypotter123 · 28/12/2021 09:55

What did she buy you?

ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 28/12/2021 09:58

What size did you get?

Because if she is a size 8 and you got a 16 then I'd be pissed off too.

Although I wouldn't send you abuse, I'd ditch the clothes and block you myself.

More context needed.

Yuledo · 28/12/2021 10:00

Just stay calm and respond neutrally to her. “That’s your choice”. “Sorry, you feel like that”
but stop trying to please her. It’s obvious you never will.

Make sure bil blocks her.

crumpet · 28/12/2021 10:01

Next time (if there is ever a next time) she asks for something specific, make sure you set it out in a text to check that is exactly what she’s asked for, before you buy it. Then show it to her if she pretends or forgets

girlmom21 · 28/12/2021 10:04

@crumpet

Next time (if there is ever a next time) she asks for something specific, make sure you set it out in a text to check that is exactly what she’s asked for, before you buy it. Then show it to her if she pretends or forgets
Yeah pandering to your adult sisters bratty, entitled, abusive behaviour is definitely the way to deal with this...
PinkTonic · 28/12/2021 10:05

We're on a fairly low income so I start buying things in the summer to spread the cost. A lot of it cant go back but thats not the point
clothes that were ugly and didnt fit...most being too big, a few too small

How many items did you buy? It sounds like a lot, quantity over quality? Surely with a small budget one well chosen item would be preferable?

The scenario sounds very familiar, have you posted about it before?

AngelonTopoftheTree · 28/12/2021 10:08

What did she buy for you? I suspect nothing.
Keep her blocked and never buy anything for her again.

MalbecandToast · 28/12/2021 10:17

All those people asking were they different sizes, fuck that! Even if they were, even if she didn't like them, it does not make it okay to behave like that. There is no excuse. Keep her blocked and be done with her.

rainbowstardrops · 28/12/2021 10:18

Why does she hate coming to your house for Christmas? Do you think she's jealous of you?
All sounds very drama draining.

UserBot99 · 28/12/2021 10:23

The clothes thing is tricky. My DD wanted me to buy trousers for her and I just wouldn't. She would be lucky to squeeze in to a size 14 at this stage but she believes she is size 12. I cannot risk buying her clothes.
I bought her other stuff but refused point blank to buy trousers.
Even if I'd ordered size 12 she would have got upset and angry when they didn't fit. Best avoided.

Chrysanthemum5 · 28/12/2021 10:25

This reminds me so much of my sister and my family all pander to her moods. Last year I had enough and cut back contact - I'm polite because I still want to be in the family group chat but I don't see her at all or talk individually to her.

The peace is lovely. I'm 53 and really should have done this years ago. Don't make my mistake and assume that there must be some way of managing the effects of her moods. She does this because this behaviour works for her so all you can do is stop enabling it.

Original poster
WeasilyPleased · 28/12/2021 10:37

My sister is between a 12 and a 14. The clothes I bought were 12, 14 or M. She specified longsleeved tops,leggings and T shirts after her birthday in June as suitable presents for further gifts (I know)
Her side is that we don't care about her or her feelings. That we gang up on her. That I prefer bil because it makes me feel important to help. I do prefer him tbh. He's funny and sweet.
My parents live 200 miles from us. We all went down with presents etc the Saturday before Christmas.
Trying to answer as many qs as poss.

OP posts:
Original poster
WeasilyPleased · 28/12/2021 10:41

No I havent posted about this before which means some other poor sod is going through it.

OP posts:
mulledwineshine · 28/12/2021 10:42

She is bang out of order for harrassing Dh brother with learning difficulties. That is unforgivable.

Take the clothes back and dont speak to her again until she apologies to him and you. disgraceful behaviour

CaveMum · 28/12/2021 10:42

You are in no way obliged to have anything to do with someone just because you happen to be related to them. She sounds like she brings nothing but misery and drama to your life, and if you think she’s “jealous” of your BIL then I’d anticipate a whole other level of drama once your baby arrives.

Keep her blocked, move on with your life.

EmmasMum12 · 28/12/2021 10:47

You bought her exactly what she asked for and she dumped them on your doorstep and harrassed your BIL who has learning difficulties?

If this is exactly what happened then, to me, she sounds mentally ill.

You can't sort out mental illness (unless you're a psychiatrist and even then.....) so I'd go very LC or NC

CovidForChristmas · 28/12/2021 11:01

@girlmom21

She sounds like a tosser. Get a refund on the clothes. Don't unblock her ever. Life's too short.
As usual the first post nails it. Why are you wasting your energy on people like this? Don’t unblock, move on.
Fluffycloudland77 · 28/12/2021 11:06

You don’t have to rsvp to her dramas.

LindaEllen · 28/12/2021 11:07

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers

Sounds like there’s a lot more to this than you buying the wrong sizes? Is there a history of her kicking off for no reason? I didn’t understand the ‘preferring him to her’ (who is ‘her’?) bit? And why is she harassing your BIL?
Who is 'her'? The sister! I don't see how that confused you. She's pissed because they spent Christmas Day with DH's brother instead of her, even though it was her choice.

I'm not the brightest but that really wasn't hard to understand.