Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude?

102 replies

helenabonhamfarter · 27/12/2021 18:41

I have just catered single handedly for 12 for two days. It's been hard, hard work. Three families and no offered to do the washing up/help with cooking (apart from my husband). I work full time for what is is worth- including Christmas Eve and back to work tomorrow. So pretty shattered. The other wives and one BIL don't work at all.
I really pushed the boat out as we missed out last year.
Probably spent >£600 in food and alcohol.
My sister in law asked what she could bring- I suggested some cheeses and crackers for Boxing Day. She brought 4-5 cheeses and a bottle of port.
She left this morning. I have just noticed she has taken all the remnants of cheese from the fridge and 1/2bottle of port home with her.
I think this is bloody rude my husband less so.
Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Knobblebobble · 27/12/2021 19:37

I'd deffo text something like "dear sil so embarrassing someone appears to have pinched the remnants of the lovely cheese amd port you gave us as a gift/contribution to Xmas weekend! How rude as it was a lovely to receive a contribution to what was a very expensive few days. Can you tell me where you bought it so i can get some more? We'd love to enjoy it after the hectic few days looking after everyone"

Animood · 27/12/2021 19:39

I'm pleased I did it for my MIL but outraged her daughters didn't help at all.

But sexist here. EVERYONE should have chipped in with clearing up and helping.

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2021 19:42

It doesn't matter who works or who doesn't work- I assume none of them were at work while you were hosting.

Everyone, male and female should have been chipping in (including your husband)

Isababybel · 27/12/2021 19:43

Dont invite them again.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/12/2021 19:46

It's a good thing you did for MiL. After this I'd hang up my apron. I personally wouldn't have done all that with everyone else in the living room with their feet up with a glass of wine but at least now you know what the barometer's like.

foxgoosefinch · 27/12/2021 19:48

Wow, that's rude and tight! Especially when you had given up your house and time to host everyone for MIL's sake.

Don't ever do it again, OP. You were very kind to do it for your DH and MIL, and you can feel pleased of yourself that you've done a good deed. But you shouldn't very host those greedy fuckers who took back the cheese and port and didn't do a tap -- ever again! Flowers

Roselilly36 · 27/12/2021 19:52

Very rude, and exceptionally mean to do so, YANBU.

user1471457751 · 27/12/2021 20:00

Why do you think it's only the sisters who should have helped? You mentioned at least one BIL - why are you excusing the men from not helping?

Original poster
helenabonhamfarter · 27/12/2021 20:02

@Animood

I'm pleased I did it for my MIL but outraged her daughters didn't help at all.

But sexist here. EVERYONE should have chipped in with clearing up and helping.

It wasn't meant to be sexist. MIL has two daughters and one son (my husband who did help me a lot and is also doing all the beds and towels tomorrow when I go to work) They wanted to be together for their mother's last Christmas My husband helped, her daughters didn't help AT ALL. Not even a plate to the dishwasher type helping. One daughter is single (cheese stealer), the other daughter is married to a nice man who didn't help with cooking/washing up etc but to his credit did entertain kids/take them outside All kids
OP posts:
Blanca87 · 27/12/2021 20:04

Where were all the precious menfolk in this? They seem to be getting an easy ride of it, in your op…

WhatIsThisPlease · 27/12/2021 20:05

You did a really kind thing.

Try to keep hold of that and let the other stuff go.

They were unbelievably rude and totally wrong for taking back the cheese and port but like you say, this could be your MIL's last Christmas. Try to remember it for the right reasons 💐

NerrSnerr · 27/12/2021 20:06

The language is interesting though isn't it? Even though the OP works full time her husband helps her. He's not just doing 50% of the hosting/ house jobs, he's doing his share the help the woman.

DrManhattan · 27/12/2021 20:07

Why would you do this to yourself?

ChristmasPlugholes · 27/12/2021 20:08

Rude of them!!

But next time say ‘can you clear the table Susie and Janie stack the dishwasher.

So rude though.

notanothertakeaway · 27/12/2021 20:08

I think your DH should have asked his siblings to pull their weight

£600 is a lot of money. Was it a very fancy meal?

Chamomileteaplease · 27/12/2021 20:13

I will never, ever understand people like you OP who kindly have 12 people to stay but let them do no work.

I will and would always just direct people if they didn't offer:

I need someone to wash up these things please,
could two people clear the table and load the dishwasher please,
could I have someone to make some teas please
etc etc

Even with some help, hosting is exhausting.

What is the point of being even more exhausted and annoyed? Takes away most of the pleasure. Especially for someone like you who is working before and after. Sounds awful but you haven't helped yourself Sad.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 27/12/2021 20:17

@TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes

Cant you text her - "Hi, just sat down after sorting the house out, but cant find the port! Any ideas of where it could be?"
👍
Bluntness100 · 27/12/2021 20:18

Wow that’s so so rude and tight. To come there, eat your food, drink your drink. Not lift a finger to help. Then fuck off home with the leftovers, even the port is abysmal behaviour.

shakingmytinselatyule · 27/12/2021 20:19

This seems to be going off track a little. Op, it was nice of you to host for your mil and hopefully you will all have nice memories of this Christmas. Maybe let everything else go just for this one time.

Lucyccfc68 · 27/12/2021 20:23

Very rude of your guests not to offer to help and then bugger off home with the cheese and port. However …

In previous years, when I have hosted my whole family, I let them know in advance that it will be a team effort and I dish out jobs. Peeling veg, clearing table, washing up etc. I generally give the crap jobs to the blokes (to even things up over a year of them not doing enough). 😂

ByGolly · 27/12/2021 20:27

@NerrSnerr

The language is interesting though isn't it? Even though the OP works full time her husband helps her. He's not just doing 50% of the hosting/ house jobs, he's doing his share the help the woman.
Oh for christs sake give over, we all have things we prefer to do or be in charge of I'm sick of men getting the hard deal and a rough time. I help my husband do many things that he has more knowledge of and he helps me. We appreciate each other The bottom line is her guests were extremely rude don't pick on her husband, it's getting dull now
idkAusername · 27/12/2021 20:29

Why host if this is how you feel? You sound resentful, but I do agree she was very rude to do that.

worriedatthemoment · 27/12/2021 20:31

Its rude

girlmom21 · 27/12/2021 20:32

@idkAusername

Why host if this is how you feel? You sound resentful, but I do agree she was very rude to do that.
Read the thread. OP explained why she hosted.
SheSaidHummingbird · 27/12/2021 20:36

Weird post. You're outraged that your guests didn't help, and then you go on to defend them all in their unhelpfulness...?

Swipe left for the next trending thread