To think this is rude?

[helenabonhamfarter]

I have just catered single handedly for 12 for two days. It's been hard, hard work. Three families and no offered to do the washing up/help with cooking (apart from my husband). I work full time for what is is worth- including Christmas Eve and back to work tomorrow. So pretty shattered. The other wives and one BIL don't work at all.
I really pushed the boat out as we missed out last year.
Probably spent >£600 in food and alcohol.
My sister in law asked what she could bring- I suggested some cheeses and crackers for Boxing Day. She brought 4-5 cheeses and a bottle of port.
She left this morning. I have just noticed she has taken all the remnants of cheese from the fridge and 1/2bottle of port home with her.
I think this is bloody rude my husband less so.
Who is being unreasonable?

Next time you instruct people to assist with washing up/push to vacuum cleaner around etc. ask them to bring xyz - alcohol that will get consumed etc.

Well done for doing it for your MIL.

I suspect DH is in denial regarding the financial, mental and physical cost/toll that has been involved.

@VladmirsPoutine

Yabu. I hate to say it but you martyr'd yourself for what?

Her taking the cheese and port is really not the glaring issue here.

Ouch. You will see my MIL has terminal cancer. Am I still "a martyr"? It was the only way the family could all be together. We all live many hours apart.

Reading your update on why you did it - that’s really lovely of you and I think you can console yourself that you’ve made her possibly last Christmas a lovely one. Forget everything else for now. x

I think you've done a lovely thing for your MIL, the others have been unbelievably rude and lazy. I would be annoyed too they took the cheese and wine back without even asking if it was ok. Never host them again.

* Incredibly rude, all of it. I would never host for them again. Disgraceful.*

^This

@TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes

Cant you text her - "Hi, just sat down after sorting the house out, but cant find the port! Any ideas of where it could be?"

Absolutely this you leave whatever you have taken for the hosts to use. You never take anything back unless the host offers it to you - it's basic manners I bet your MIL appreciated all your hard work, such sad circumstances but what a lovely thing for you to do

Why didn’t you or DH suggest anyone washed up or helped with anything?

You’re family, I’d think nothing of telling my brothers to get their hands in the sink after a meal.

Why does no one else work?!

Your relatives are selfish, greedy and entitled. I'd not host them again - ever. I see you did it for your MIL, focus on that, but you've clearly been taken serious advantage of (And you won't even have washing the bedding yet)

As for taking leftovers away..............unbelievable crass

Do not host again

You did a wonderful thing for your MIL, it won't have to be done again
Take comfort in knowing your did it and what it meant and that your sister in laws and lazy and entitled.

YANBU

Would grind my gears hosting and having people laying about on their arses and not even offering to help or wash up.

Also it is rude to take back things you’ve brought as a guest for your host . As a host I would say “do you want to take these back with you?” but would never expect anyone to just take them!!!!

My guests only go home with leftovers if I've packaged it up myself and given it to them as they are leaving. Including very close family and friends.

They certainly do not take home alcohol they've brought either, and I never offer it them back. That's my reward.

YANBU.

You have given your MIL a lovely last Christmas.
If they come for Christmas again then a sign up rota with jobs is an idea - if ppl do not offer to help.
On the other hand the daughters and sons of your MIL got to spend their last Christmas with her.
But maybe a sign up rota of jobs is the way to go in the future

She's rude and as tight as arseholes!

Next time ask her to bring more and make sure it gets eaten (cheese omelettes for breakfast and then just pop the remaining cheese in the freezer for you to grate into dinners after etc).

Better yet, don't invite them again. How awful of them all to leave everything to you.

@TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes

Cant you text her - "Hi, just sat down after sorting the house out, but cant find the port! Any ideas of where it could be?"

1000% agree to this, definitely send it

And next time, say “could someone give me a hand with the plates?” “Do you mind grabbing a tea towel and doing a few of those glasses” etc etc etc etc

Very rude.
All of them.

Unfortunately, it seems quite a common thing. I’ve never seen my SIL and BIL step up and so some washing up etc… when at my PIL.
I personally would never dare not lifting a finger like this….

I’d be taken aback by someone rifling through my fridge to take stuff! I wouldn’t dream of taking back anything that I’d brought, that’s a bonus for the hosts.

Very rude, but you spent £600 on food and alcohol?! Insane. I couldn't afford that but wouldn't spend that, even if money was no object

I don’t see why it wasn’t impossible to head into the living room at any point over the weekend and ask “could someone give me a quick hand in the kitchen?”.

Sorry double negative there

I wouldn't be as bothered about her taking the leftovers home as I would be about them doing absolutely naff all and contributing almost nothing.

Did you at least get a thank you?

I'm glad you and DH could make MIL's Christmas special.

Is this a bloody joke...I would send her a bill for the cost for her part of the total cost you spent over Xmas etc...cheeky bitch...learn from it and never host again

What sort of people scrounge cheese back? Ugh, desperate. The port thing is rude as all. Very cheap behaviour.

I wouldn’t send a text, but agree all of their behaviour is exceptionally bad manners. I agree with previous posters, you did a lovely thing for your MIL which would have been appreciated by her.