Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unanswered MN questions

122 replies

WomanStanleyWoman · 27/12/2021 12:57

There are certain threads that come up on MN again and again, year after year - and for me, they throw up obvious questions. Yet on more than one thread, I’ve asked these questions, but no one ever seems to answer. Am I missing something - or is it that the answer would contradict the OP’s key argument?

A couple of examples that spring to mind:

‘What is it with people who won’t answer the door? What if a lovely relative had sent you a surprise and you missed the delivery? What if one of your neighbours had lost their cat and needed to check your garden? What if someone was desperate for help and you just ignored them?!?’

The question I always ask is ‘What do these people do if you’re out?’ Presumably even people who happily answer the door to anyone at any time of day have to go out to work, to the shops, to visit family etc. What do these people desperate to see you do then? Surely the delivery driver puts a card through the door; the neighbour with the cat leaves you a note; the person in desperate need of help tries the next house. If all of these are perfectly workable solutions for when someone is out, why can’t they work if someone just doesn’t feel like answering the door? But no matter how many people I’ve asked, never a reply.

Another one that I’ve seen come up a few times is whether it’s okay to let children/teens leave the crusts off a sandwich. Whenever I see this topic comes up, a few posters will always claim that said teens will be starving and reaching for chocolate later because they didn’t eat enough calories at lunch, because they were ‘fussy’.

I’ve pointed out on more than one of these threads that a slice of bread averages at around 105 calories; therefore there can’t be more than 10 - 15 calories in the crust. I’ve asked the calorie counters if they really believe that a maximum of 30 calories could really make the difference between being full until dinner and a junk food binge mid-afternoon - but again, not a reply.

What are your unanswered questions? Also, feel free to answer either of mine if you can! Grin

OP posts:
lljkk · 29/12/2021 11:09

Often ppl insist X bad consequence will happen if I do ABC - my Q is ... so why hasn't it ever happened before? Examples : my kids didn't get fat even though they had buggy rides at age 5, we are rarely ill even though we never wash items at 60, I wash my hair infrequently but it doesn't look terrible. Etc

Re door answering- how much mental space do you have to allocate to tracking expected deliveries including using which service. to everyone in your household? Egads

WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 11:33

It really doesn’t take up that much ‘mental space’. I grant you that it’s different for a family or shared household, where you don’t know if someone else is expecting a delivery, but I live alone - so if it’s being delivered, I’m the one who’s ordered it.

OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 11:36

@PAFMO

The door thing is bonkers. I didn't think I knew anyone irl who did it until I was in a postal secret Santa with some old friends and I got a "D hasn't received her present, did you send it to the right address?" message. Transpires D doesn't accept packages ADDRESSED TO HERSELF AT HER ADDRESS yet wants to participate in a fucking postal SS. Hmm
Well that’s a very extreme example. There’s a very big difference between ignoring the door because you’re not expecting anyone/anything and actively requesting something when you have no intention of taking delivery.
OP posts:
WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 11:40

@MrsTophamHat

I’m also always amazed by the number of people who expect others to plan for a life they don’t have - i.e. ‘Oh, it’s all very well not being able to drive if you live in London, but what would you do if you lived in a tiny rural village or a little market town? It’s so limiting!’ Why, given I can’t drive, would I move somewhere like that? Didn’t it occur to them that I might have factored it into my choice of location?

You've not convinced me with this answer! The main reason being that I can only assume that many people who live in London really don't realise the lack of public transport even in other cities. You don't have to move to a remote, rural location to find yourself without decent public transport in this country. I live in a city and I can't use public transport to get to my workplace, my daughter's nursery or my in-laws'.

At the age of 17, when most people learn to drive, you don't know what your future holds and where you might end up living. It would seem like a sensible skill to 'bag' when there's no pressure, as learning when you're older is harder.

I do get that - I grew up in a suburb of a major city that was considered a bit too posh for anyone to really need a bus. I reluctantly started taking lessons at 17 because of that. (And was terrible at it. No pressure? Not quite.) Since then I’ve always picked areas with better connections. I know some people might find it restricting, but it’s no more restricting than wanting to live by the coast or in the country, or within a good school catchment area, or within distance of family.
OP posts:
Ibane · 29/12/2021 11:52

@MrsTophamHat

I’m also always amazed by the number of people who expect others to plan for a life they don’t have - i.e. ‘Oh, it’s all very well not being able to drive if you live in London, but what would you do if you lived in a tiny rural village or a little market town? It’s so limiting!’ Why, given I can’t drive, would I move somewhere like that? Didn’t it occur to them that I might have factored it into my choice of location?

You've not convinced me with this answer! The main reason being that I can only assume that many people who live in London really don't realise the lack of public transport even in other cities. You don't have to move to a remote, rural location to find yourself without decent public transport in this country. I live in a city and I can't use public transport to get to my workplace, my daughter's nursery or my in-laws'.

At the age of 17, when most people learn to drive, you don't know what your future holds and where you might end up living. It would seem like a sensible skill to 'bag' when there's no pressure, as learning when you're older is harder.

But you wouldn't move to somewhere with poor public transport, regardless of whether it's urban or rural -- it would be on your list of requirements when you were considering areas, if you were dependent on it. Many non-drivers aren't, they cycle or walk for many journeys and factor this in to where they choose to live.

I don't drive, have lived in a variety of urban and rural places in several countries, and chose this house when we moved countries two years ago because it is a short walk to the city centre, DS's school etc. Like most people who live in the neighbourhood which is an expensive area of Regency and Victorian houses with a lot of medics and academics because it's close to three hospitals and the university I walk or cycle to work, to do the school run etc.

In my experience, assuming 'most people' learn to drive at 17 indicates a certain view of the world.

DrSbaitso · 29/12/2021 12:02

Often ppl insist X bad consequence will happen if I do ABC - my Q is ... so why hasn't it ever happened before?

It does depend on context, but this can be a perilous way of looking at things. As my husband says, things are always fine until they aren't.

Toiletbrushanswer · 29/12/2021 12:03

In answer to the toilet brush question having poo left on it.

I do 3 things. First i give the loo a good enough scrub so that any poo has diluted into the bleachy water. Then i flush the dirty water away while holding the brush part in the (high pressure) flow, rotating it to get it all clean. This removes any particles left on the brush. Then i put a bleach solution in the brushes holding tub and the brush lives submerged in the bleach. Not dirty. Very clean. Poo covered rags sound more disgusting than my bleached brush!

Sparklingbrook · 29/12/2021 12:20

@WomanStanleyWoman

I can’t imagine why I would pretend to be out if I was in. Confused

You can’t imagine a scenario where you don’t want to see anyone or be disturbed?

Not really, no. I suppose if I was ill and unable to get out of bed ?
skellingtonboot · 29/12/2021 12:44

The only unanswered MN question of any import is.....what happened to the disappeared ironing board?

Bucanarab · 29/12/2021 12:49

What exactly did J K Rowling say that was so transphobic and hateful? Please quote, with original source.

It was from her so far unpublished book Harry Potter and the fight against Stonewall.

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.....you're telling me I can drink this potion and I'll look just like the other person???" Said Harry.

"Absolutely," Hermione replied, "it's really a simple case of knowing the...."

"So I could take the form of Dumbledore and put Slytheryn on indefinite dorm arrest?" Interrupted Harry.

"Yes, but once he found out what you'd done, and he most likely would, you'd be expelled." Said Herminoe.

"I could be Professor Snape, bitch slap some students and get him fired!?" Harry asked, barely able to contain his excitement.

"I suppose but once again you'll get expelled once it's discovered. What you need to remember Harry is...." said Hermione.

"Oh, I could be you Hermione and send myself some nudes to get me through those dark nights in my cupboard." Harry said, eyes glittering with lust.

"NO!!" Exclaimed Hermione, "taking another's form is fine but only if they are the same gender as you. It's an abomination to assume another gender Harry".

"That's right Harry," quipped Ron, "the only thing worse than he who cannot be named is a gender bender! Everyone knows that Harry."

Nixbox · 29/12/2021 14:28

@TheWayTheLightFalls I once saw someone at work eating a massive salad. It was a huge Tupperware and looked like mainly lettuce and other leaves. I wasn’t close enough to check for dressing or other ingredients but it looked like a chore to eat.

Maverickess · 29/12/2021 17:30

@MrsTophamHat

I’m also always amazed by the number of people who expect others to plan for a life they don’t have - i.e. ‘Oh, it’s all very well not being able to drive if you live in London, but what would you do if you lived in a tiny rural village or a little market town? It’s so limiting!’ Why, given I can’t drive, would I move somewhere like that? Didn’t it occur to them that I might have factored it into my choice of location?

You've not convinced me with this answer! The main reason being that I can only assume that many people who live in London really don't realise the lack of public transport even in other cities. You don't have to move to a remote, rural location to find yourself without decent public transport in this country. I live in a city and I can't use public transport to get to my workplace, my daughter's nursery or my in-laws'.

At the age of 17, when most people learn to drive, you don't know what your future holds and where you might end up living. It would seem like a sensible skill to 'bag' when there's no pressure, as learning when you're older is harder.

And you haven't convinced me with this answer, I live (just by a few feet, granted, but it gives you an idea) inside a large National Park. In a village. That doesn't have a shop, does have a pub though.

I've never been unemployed, my DD has managed to get through school and now college, we both ride horses. The local bus service actually has improved in the last couple of years, it's quite a deprived area despite the beautiful coast line and countryside, and many can't afford cars or to run them, it's also a very beautiful area and popular with tourists - there's a decent bus service, even at weekends, the only days they don't run are Christmas Day and Boxing Day, and there's a fair few local taxi's who are reliable and not extortionate when booked in advance for work trips, and as I've been working 27 years, it's not a new thing. The nearest shop is the same place I work, there's a few shops actually, and I get my bits from there.

There are, of course, other villages nearby that don't have the same service, but then I don't live in them and wouldn't choose to, a lack of driving license doesn't mean I have a lack of common sense and would go and get myself somewhere to live I couldn't get to and from either on public transport or my legs.
And I'm a few hundred miles away from London.

I walk to work - most people who drive are horrified by my 20-25 minute walk to work. I don't understand why though, it's healthier, it's cheaper and better for the environment, and many people have up to a couple of hours commute which I don't think I'd like, though I do understand that everyone is different and they've arranged their lives around what they want and need the same way I have. I have commuted by bus to local towns for work etc, it was ok, nothing majorly bad or inconvenient, but then I didn't make a big deal out of it, I was just going to work, like everyone else.

I've just started getting online deliveries, but didn't starve before that, and it's been a personal choice rather than anything else.
We go on holiday, we both have a social life (well, mines pretty much non existent but that's because of work, not that I don't drive! I turn down more invitations because I'm working than because I can't get there!)

I find your last paragraph interesting, that the only pressure is the one to learn the skill, what about paying for it? I left home at 15, was working ft from 16 and my parents couldn't have been less interested in helping me get a driving license. I paid for lessons and tests myself - and have failed 6 times, in the last 20 odd years. I have decided I'm not throwing any money money at it. Probably in the region of a grand a time, £6000 is a lot of money to me, and I've wasted it. Instead I've evolved my life to take account of the lack of driving and made it work, in the same way other people make their circumstances work for them.

I am encouraging DD (I have saved money for her) to learn, and I truly hope she does better than me because it is a good skill to have, but if she doesn't then so be it, it's not the end of the world and it's not essential like some people make out, it may be essential to their life, but it's not to mine.

And other than Boxing Day when I got a taxi home (long shift and quick return) I can't remember the last time I was in a car, actually after my knee injury when I needed an x-ray and scan - and as I couldn't bend my leg so even with a license, driving would have been impossible, and I've had a few appointments since that one, physio etc and managed them all under my own steam.

Tbh, I don't have time to sit around waiting for lifts, or the patience, if I want or need to go somewhere then I go, either on foot or by public transport.

I understand people value driving, I do realise I'm limited in some ways, but it's simply not true that no where outside London isn't do-able without a license or scrounging lifts constantly, and I find that people rather than be interested or even surprised either ignore the experiences of people like me and the pp's here that post, or tell us we're kidding ourselves or lying. That attitude is far more restrictive than not having a driving license imo.

Puffalicious · 29/12/2021 18:00

Like most people who live in the neighbourhood -- which is an expensive area of Regency and Victorian houses with a lot of medics and academics

Christ, only on MN. Why do we need to know that you live in an expensive area? Sheesht.

thecatsthecats · 29/12/2021 18:21

As a rather sad one, I really hate thinking either:

A) Don't you have anyone in real life you could talk to about this? Or, can't you talk directly to your partner about this?

(for threads of serious issues where the OP would benefit from talking to someone who knew the ins and outs, not Internet strangers)

or

B) Is there so little going on in your life that this constitutes entertainment?

(for those starting "whacky" light hearted threads to get attention because they're obviously lonely - not you, OP, just some threads where you think, "really?")

Sparklingbrook · 29/12/2021 18:35

OP actually said in one of their posts on this thread-

I’m just making the point that I make decisions based on the life I have

Isn't that what everyone that posts on MN does? My life involves being able to drive, answering the door, etc Plus having a bathroom bin (check that bonkers thread out)

The being able to drive thing for me meant it opened some doors that would otherwise have been closed to me. The DC's school choice and the jobs I could take, and I could live here (where I really wanted to live) where the public transport is dire. But if people don't feel the need to drive then fine.

Lostinafield · 29/12/2021 19:25

Autism means that if someone knocks at the door, my heart rate speeds up and my system goes into hyper arousal. It also means that I hate being interrupted and that I find unexpected events/visitors highly stressful.
I have an outside storage box which parcels are left in.
And I'm not antisocial, or a weirdo or odd, thanks.

WomanStanleyWoman · 29/12/2021 22:37

OP actually said in one of their posts on this thread - I’m just making the point that I make decisions based on the life I have. Isn't that what everyone that posts on MN does? My life involves being able to drive, answering the door, etc

Why do you say I ‘actually said’ this, as if it’s somehow outlandish? I said it because countless posters on threads about driving respond to someone who says ‘I don’t drive’ with ‘But it’s a life skill! I live in a tiny town with one bus every leap year; no way could I survive without driving!!!’ That really isn’t relevant to someone who lives in a well-connected area with no parking - so why am I and others criticised for it?

OP posts:
OrangeIsTheNewRed · 29/12/2021 22:58
Grin
Sparklingbrook · 29/12/2021 23:29
Wine
JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 30/12/2021 09:19

@MagpiePi of course I felt bad for not knowing she'd been there for two days! She's usually fairly mobile within her house but doesn't go out unless her daughter picks her up. I see her most days in the summer over the back garden fence, but not so much in winter. I call or pop in at least once a week usually when I'm doing my grocery shopping to see if she needs anything and drop off cake etc if I've been baking and she's partial to a spicy curry so if I cook that for us I do extra for her freezer, I've asked her round for dinner etc but she declines. I'm not sure that many people see their neighbours daily!
She now has one of those emergency buttons she wears (previously refused) my number is with the call centre along with her daughter's and I have a code to get into the back door. Anything else you want from me? What relationships do you have with your neighbours?

RainbowZebraWarrior · 30/12/2021 10:16

@Lostinafield

Autism means that if someone knocks at the door, my heart rate speeds up and my system goes into hyper arousal. It also means that I hate being interrupted and that I find unexpected events/visitors highly stressful. I have an outside storage box which parcels are left in. And I'm not antisocial, or a weirdo or odd, thanks.
Yep. This is me too. I find it a little sad when people say they can't imagine how crazy or weird you must be to not answer the door.

There are around one million adults diagnosed with Autism in the UK. Probably a fair few undiagnosed too.

HappyDays40 · 30/12/2021 10:38

When a woman is asking for advice about her partners poor behaviour especially around parenting......why did you have a baby with this man?

Not helpful at all.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread