Unanswered MN questions

[WomanStanleyWoman]

There are certain threads that come up on MN again and again, year after year - and for me, they throw up obvious questions. Yet on more than one thread, I’ve asked these questions, but no one ever seems to answer. Am I missing something - or is it that the answer would contradict the OP’s key argument?

A couple of examples that spring to mind:

‘What is it with people who won’t answer the door? What if a lovely relative had sent you a surprise and you missed the delivery? What if one of your neighbours had lost their cat and needed to check your garden? What if someone was desperate for help and you just ignored them?!?’

The question I always ask is ‘What do these people do if you’re out?’ Presumably even people who happily answer the door to anyone at any time of day have to go out to work, to the shops, to visit family etc. What do these people desperate to see you do then? Surely the delivery driver puts a card through the door; the neighbour with the cat leaves you a note; the person in desperate need of help tries the next house. If all of these are perfectly workable solutions for when someone is out, why can’t they work if someone just doesn’t feel like answering the door? But no matter how many people I’ve asked, never a reply.

Another one that I’ve seen come up a few times is whether it’s okay to let children/teens leave the crusts off a sandwich. Whenever I see this topic comes up, a few posters will always claim that said teens will be starving and reaching for chocolate later because they didn’t eat enough calories at lunch, because they were ‘fussy’.

I’ve pointed out on more than one of these threads that a slice of bread averages at around 105 calories; therefore there can’t be more than 10 - 15 calories in the crust. I’ve asked the calorie counters if they really believe that a maximum of 30 calories could really make the difference between being full until dinner and a junk food binge mid-afternoon - but again, not a reply.

What are your unanswered questions? Also, feel free to answer either of mine if you can!

I hope this doesn’t out me. I have a friend who was sitting having a cuppa during a rare empty house moment one day and heard a really loud/urgent kind of knock on her back door. Anyone who is her friend knows to use her back door and usually it isn’t locked so we can just walk in but for some reason, by pure chance it was locked that day. She thought it sounded like a really rude knock and she was enjoying her blissful cuppa in peace so she chose to ignore the knock. A few minutes later she saw armed police running down her drive and lots of shouting. Upon investigation there was a man on his face in her back garden surrounding by police with guns pointed at him. Turns out he had attacked someone with a knife and was running from the police. He had tried her door as a way of hiding from them. Thank goodness her door was locked and she chose to ignore it! She’s always a really welcoming person/open door policy and would have opened the door to him without question had he knocked a bit more politely and she hadn’t been having her tea

@WomanStanleyWoman

Yeah unless there's a reason like mh why wouldn't you answer a door? Unless it's that one person you are avoiding!!

Obviously I can’t speak for anyone else, but the ‘Why wouldn’t you answer the door?!’ brigade always act like it’s some kind of blanket policy. Of course I answer the door if I’m expecting someone, or I’m expecting a delivery, or can see the postman coming up the path. But a random knock that’s most likely a salesman, a Jehovah’s Witness or someone trying to persuade me to vote for their party? Sod that.

Your choice but it could be a friend/ neighbour/ family just passing and paused for a chat/ to impart information/ needing help. A workman looking for information (water/elec/gas/lighting/ phone line) or many other things I suppose. We do not live in isolation: community is one thing between us and nihilism I my view.

My family live over 100 miles away; they’re very rarely ‘just passing’. My closest friend (in physical terms) lives a good 20 minutes’ walk away, so is unlikely to make a 40-minute round trip on the off chance when she could just call or text asking if I fancy a coffee. A workman needing to tell me that the water was being shut off, for example, would probably knock for longer and keep trying in the way a cold caller wouldn’t.

I realise there are people who have family/friends/neighbours who just ‘pop in’, and that’s fine for them, but I make decisions based on the life I actually have rather than someone else’s.

And this actually goes back to my original question - what would any of these callers do if I was out?

@GnomeDePlume

How does anyone clean a toilet without a toilet brush? I have seen it mentioned many times but have never seen anyone describe the methodology.

Was going to ask the same. What do these non toilet brush owners expect their guests to do..... search for bleach in random cupboards or clean under the water with a wad of tissues.

I apologise in advance but people with loo brushes, if you keep them in your bathroom then do they just sit there with traces of poo on them? (I've asked this before and been shouted down for it but as a mother of 4 boys who just cleans with bleach and toilet paper and then scrubs hands I really want to know!!(becauseI'd considerusingone!)!)

@stayathomer in my case I apply liberal quantities of toilet cleaner and leave it to run down the sides for a while. I then flush and scrub whatever remains with more toilet cleaner while the flush is running. Then flush again holding the head of the brush in the flow of the flush. It seems to get the brush well rinsed off.

@Flyingbymypants the technique with continental toilets with a shelf is to put toilet paper on the shelf first. When flushing the whole lot then surfs away. If the sides of the toilet are damp (flush first if necessary) stick some sheets of toilet paper to the side and you can probably avoid any unfortunate stains being left behind.

BTW I am not the poo troll but I have travelled a lot and observed many different toilet set ups. My least favourite are holes in the floor. My favourite was a restaurant in Spain where the toilets were a temple to the plumbers art with automatic lighting/flushing/taps/soap long before these things became standard.

@WomanStanleyWoman

My family live over 100 miles away; they’re very rarely ‘just passing’. My closest friend (in physical terms) lives a good 20 minutes’ walk away, so is unlikely to make a 40-minute round trip on the off chance when she could just call or text asking if I fancy a coffee. A workman needing to tell me that the water was being shut off, for example, would probably knock for longer and keep trying in the way a cold caller wouldn’t.

I realise there are people who have family/friends/neighbours who just ‘pop in’, and that’s fine for them, but I make decisions based on the life I actually have rather than someone else’s.

You're really digging your heels in over this one OP. Fair enough. You do you. I still find the MN obsession with their time being interrupted by a door/ threatened by a stranger bizarre, but let's leave it there.

I’m just making the point that I make decisions based on the life I have, not one I’ve never had and in all likelihood never will. ‘But it might be a lovely neighbour popping in for a chat!’ is only a relevant argument if you know and are friendly with all your neighbours.

It’s the same with the driving threads - people living in villages or rural areas cannot fathom how anyone manages without a car, seemingly without ever considering many millions of others don’t live like that.

@WomanStanleyWoman

And this actually goes back to my original question - what would any of these callers do if I was out?

Stand there knocking until you got home? Isn't it rude to go out when someone might knock at your door at some point anyway? They require your attention, you should always be available to deliver regardless of anything else.

I don't always answer the door, it depends what I'm doing and anyway, with a knackered knee and stairs to contend with anyone who knocks by chance has usually buggered off by the time I get there.
I don't understand the obsession with having to answer the door to anyone and everyone, regardless of what you're doing at the time and how much inconvenience that may cause, because it might inconvenience the knocker if you don't, and will only inconvenience them in the same way as if you were out anyway.

If someone knocks the door and I’m not in then they’ll call back later I would imagine. Or ring or text me. It’s not that big a deal.

So why is it such a big deal if you don’t answer?

In my world I answer the door if I’m in. So no big deal.

Door knocker refusniks will forever baffle me. Even the PPs on this thread with their overwrought valid reasons.

I can’t imagine why I would pretend to be out if I was in.
Maybe this thread isn’t aimed at me though. Everyone I know just answers the door. 🤷‍♀️

I can’t imagine why I would pretend to be out if I was in.

You can’t imagine a scenario where you don’t want to see anyone or be disturbed?

I once had bailiffs pursuing me over a debt that wasn’t mine and it made me so anxious whenever someone knocked on the door. It took me a while to get over that.

How big really is a massive salad? The size of a soup bowl, a lunchbox Tupperware, one of those orange B&Q buckets? I’ve never found the answer.

OP, I totally agree with you about the driving issue and am glad to hear someone else feels the same. Technically I can drive, but I have no aptitude for it and never got to the point where I could anywhere near do it on autopilot, so I choose not to drive and my lifestyle doesn't require me to. It bugs the hell out of me when people on here complain that people who don't drive are always demanding lifts. I vanishingly rarely ask for a lift, and have even found myself in difficult positions occasionally when people were actively trying to make me accept lifts I didn't want or need. My definition of "walking distance" is a lot more than just down to the corner shop!

However, when it comes to opening the door, I normally like to open it if I can, so I'd just like to check: do you actively disagree with other people always answering the door, so long as they don't disagree with you for not opening it?

Why do people without children read Mumsnet? Ok not all the threads are about having children. But it’s called MUMSnet. How did childless people even find the site??

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

What do you mean? It’s like anything that accumulates dirt - if you hoover weekly, what happens to the floor on day 7 that means it needs hoovering that didn’t happen the first 6 days. Ditto mopping the floor, scrubbing the loo (unless you do it after every use), however frequently you personally do these things, it’s because that’s how long it takes to accumulate the dirt to the level you think needs cleaning. Same with towels, or any item that is used more than once before cleaning/replacing.

Thank you. My point entirely. Let’s hope those that insist towels are clean right up until the tenth (or 14th or 30th) use are reading.

I don't think they insist they are clean. They are just not dirty enough to be washed.

Clean and dirty are not binary.
There is a scare.

@WomanStanleyWoman

I can’t imagine why I would pretend to be out if I was in.

You can’t imagine a scenario where you don’t want to see anyone or be disturbed?

I can imagine that. I can't really imagine not answering the door as standard practice, but then I'm not bothered about telling salespeople etc that I'm not interested and closing the door again. I order a lot of stuff online, I'd hate to miss the delivery for no good reason.

I suppose if it's a legitimate call and you're out, there's just a bit of inconvenience that you could have avoided (unless you pretend to be out again on redelivery or whatever). And it's not unheard of for potential burglars to knock on the door to see if anyone's home before they break in. Your home is safer if they think someone's in it. But the odds of it being a criminal casing the joint are quite low.

It's your door, you can choose not to answer it as standard if you want. I just wouldn't want to be your local Hermes courier.

My question is.

Why do people who don't like damp towels lying around think washing them and therefore making them wetter is the answer?

If you can dry the wet towels, why can't you dry the damp ones?

@UnsuitableHat

Why do people without children read Mumsnet? Ok not all the threads are about having children. But it’s called MUMSnet. How did childless people even find the site??

It's pretty well known and appears in the news frequently...very often for stories that don't involve being a parent. Misogynistic stories about bridezillas and weight-based arguments are more common, actually.