To have a surprise wedding?

[ichangedmynametothis]

Long story short we’ve been engaged a while and have a child. He will be 1 in the summer. I’ve gone round in circles trying to think what to do about a wedding. My partner is happy to go along with whatever I want but agrees that he doesn’t like the whole formal wedding ceremony, meal, speeches etc either. I think why bother putting ourselves through that for the sake of other people when it’s not what we want and is A LOT of money. We’d like a big party but aren’t really fussed on the during the day part. I hate the idea of everyone’s attention being on me at a formal wedding. My parents live in the country and have a large shed we could use for a party or lots of fields we could do a marquee in.

Tonight I’ve came up with an idea.. we could invite everyone to our little boy’s 1st birthday party, bbq, bouncy castle etc at their farm and when they turn up they realise it’s actually our wedding (as well as his party). Hopefully it would be a nice day and it would all be outside. We’d have bbq food, everyone sitting out in the sun, bouncy castles, lots for children to do and a funfair style feel. Obviously if it was raining it wouldn’t be quite the same 😬 We’d just do the legal part quickly in the morning ourselves or maybe walk down an aisle outside and have a quick humanist bit before it began. At night we could have a party either in a shed or marquee. Really struggling for how else we can actually get married when I’ve had a reason why it wouldn’t work for every possibility so far 🙈 Is this a terrible idea?

I'm wondering if you secretly want a proper "do" but feel like you shouldn't.

If you want a do, have one.

@DrSbaitso

I'm wondering if you secretly want a proper "do" but feel like you shouldn't.

If you want a do, have one.

Yes, you sound as if you do to me too — you can have a casual barn wedding with a bouncy castle, casually-dressed guests, no speeches, no hen do and no sit-down meal if you want. Your wedding, do your thing.

I didn’t want any of that, so DP and I took two witnesses to the registry office and then took them for lunch.

It's a good idea but be prepared that there will be some people (elderly relatives?) who won't be impressed and will declare "I would have worn a hat/ new outfit if I'd known it was a wedding"

I’m no-one’s elderly relative, but I would feel very uncomfortable at a wedding, being caught in photos, dancing etc, in the outfit I’d chosen for a couple of hours at an outdoor kids party.

@RedRobin100 that’s the thing! Unlucky if they wanted to wear a hat 😂 I actually think people would be in a dilemma if they knew it was a casual wedding too, particularly men, with whether to wear a suit or not to that!

I think the main issue is the fact it’s a child’s party though so parents won’t have brought enough stuff for babies/young children. There’s plenty of weddings that last much longer than 3pm til midnight and children go all day though so I don’t see that it will be an issue that it’s too long of a day for them, they can bring a buggy for a sleep or maybe some people would rather have them collected and enjoy the rest of their night without their child.

In two minds whether it’s all too rushed though and we just have a normal smaller scale party for him this year then have a wedding like this the following summer but nothing to do with her birthday, just have it very child-friendly. The issue with that is I think we’d want to try for another before hes 2 probably

*his birthday even 🙄

They will bring stuff to last all day if they know it’s a wedding but if not they will only do that if intending on staying into the evening and then they will be put on the spot leaving early! Really strange idea!

I'd be pretty pissed if I was invited to a child's party but turned out to be a wedding. I'd obviously take DC to a party but would never take them to a wedding, not even for the sake of the people getting married but for myself! I couldn't relax and enjoy it properly with them running around or crying (they're both under 2!)

There’s plenty of weddings that last much longer than 3pm til midnight and children go all day though so I don’t see that it will be an issue that it’s too long of a day for them, they can bring a buggy for a sleep
I mean I suppose that depends. A baby or a toddler could sleep in a sling or a pram. A 3, 4, 5 year old etc wouldn’t have anywhere to sleep and would be exhausted and possibly crying by 9 or 10.. It totally depends who you invite.

I would just separate the two events - wedding and birthday party. A one year old won’t go on a bouncy castle anyway, so that’s for the benefit of other guests… Just get that stuff for the fun, child friendly aspect of your wedding party and do a birthday party with garden toys and cake for him on a different day.

The more I think about it, actually, the less I like the idea of a surprise wedding. I can choose a casual party outfit if that's the dress code, but like others, I'd hate to be caught in wedding pictures in the truly slobby crap and unwashed hair I'd probably have for a kids' party.

I'd also feel set up for a reaction, which would put me off a bit. Just tell me it's your wedding. I don't care what sort of do you have, casual or black tie, big or small, as long as it's the one you want.