By sister deliberately said something nasty, i don't want ti know her anymore

[TinselTottyTart]

I visited my sister Christmas Eve to drop gifts for her grandchildren. During the conversation she told me she had heard through her DIL my husband and I were being sued in the new year by a former landlord. We have a restraining order against him for harassment. She also stated he was suing us for damage (we left 9 months ago). This is nonsense, we had a professional clean and sign off. She knows this caused me and my daughter such distress. We had a fall out four years ago when our father died. She accused me of theft. I proved her wrong, she never apologised. I didn't see her for two years. I was crying Christmas eve as this man stalked me and my daughter yet she thinks it is OK that her DIL dines with him. She hated me as a child, broke ny nose at 15, called me a liar at 9 when a relative touched me up. I hate her. As a Christian I shouldn't but I do. She is a fecking bitch. I never want to see her again. I also want to tell l her what a she is.

But a nasty, miserable, jealous old bag.

I get you have issues with her but this really isn’t a very Christian thing to say at all.

Even on this thread someone has called their relative nasty, a fantasist and a compulsive liar because she cut people out of her life.

No they didn’t. They spoke about a relative who was all those things, and subsequently cut ties with their family. You don’t know the story and can’t even pretend you know enough to claim PP was lying about it.

I’ve had the same situation. A relative who played the victim every single time, despite the entire family trying to help them out of a situation (entirely of their own making) No matter what anyone did, they were shouted at and and berated for being this thing or that thing. This woman was always right and every organisation who was brought in to get her back on her feet were out to get her. She accused my brother of stealing all her jewellery. He hadn’t been to her home in ten years, loved overseas, but she was convinced he did it and told anyone who would listen that he did it. She eventually refused to respond to any communications from anyone. Last I heard she was in a nursing home.

This relative was a compulsive liar and fantasist long before she cut everyone out of their life.

Doing mental gymnastics to make this op's fault is massively reaching.*

It takes mental gymnastics for you to work out there are two sides to every story?

@BoredZelda

Doing mental gymnastics to make this op's fault is massively reaching.*

It takes mental gymnastics for you to work out there are two sides to every story?

I'm not even engaging with you as you're clearly spoiling for a fight. Try someone else and have a lovely day

Oh but PS, your relative also sounds vile

@SarahJessicaParker1 well said. Weird responses on here. Maybe they have never had the misfortune of a seriously nasty close family member. OP, just cut her off. She will never, ever bring anything good into your life. Drop the rope.

I'm not even engaging with you as you're clearly spoiling for a fight. Try someone else and have a lovely day

“I have no response so I’m going to post a passive aggressive response making my lack of argument, your issue”

@BoredZelda

I'm not even engaging with you as you're clearly spoiling for a fight. Try someone else and have a lovely day

“I have no response so I’m going to post a passive aggressive response making my lack of argument, your issue”

You've got me there! It's all an evil scheme I gad to get you personally mwahahaha! Not really, obviously

Your relative does sound awful by the way. That must have been very stressful. Have you had a nice Christmas anyway?

[quote BringMeTea]@SarahJessicaParker1 well said. Weird responses on here. Maybe they have never had the misfortune of a seriously nasty close family member. OP, just cut her off. She will never, ever bring anything good into your life. Drop the rope. [/quote]
Ah thanks!

I think tbh, they have points about their own relatives who do indeed sound awful. But fro what op had written it sounds as if she and her sister shouldn't be around each other too much. That doesn't have to mean her sister us even a bad person either. Sometimes relationships are bad even when the individuals are alright.

Excuse typos

There is a balance required in Christianity there is a need to forgive others as God forgives us, but it doesn't mean we have to be a doormat for everything we not have to have no boundaries or allow ourselves to be taken advantage of . There is such a thing as righteous anger, Jesus was often angry at eaders that lead people astray, he called the pharisees "white washed sepulchures" we told others they had turned the temple into a den of thieves and said those that hurt children would have been better to have a millstone round their necks. Love your neighbour but be wise about the fences, beng hospitable is not the same as being taken advantage of. It is biblical to take care of your parents as far as you are able, but not beyond that or to the extent that your own children and / or spouse suffer,
Just because a carol says "gentle jesus meek and mild" doesn't mean this is true, Jesus was meek but he was most definitely not mild, being humble doesn't mean be humiliated it means being aware of your blessings and not taking credit when it is not due

Jesus was meek but he was most definitely not mild

Right, but I don’t recall the “nasty, miserable jealous old bag” comments from Jesus. That’s spiteful language which is very unchristian.

@ SarahJessicaParker1 but where did I say that the oP was a compulsive liar? Oh wait, I didn’t.

But I did say the tone of the OP was such that it very much sounds as if there is two sides to this story. Bearing in mind that the OP didn’t just talk about what her sister had apparently done in the past, she made reference to her having mentioned that the landlord was going to sue her, and that was immediately phrased as the sister making a deliberately nasty comment.

The situation the OP outlined was by no means black and white.

Neither did I say that the rest of the family should go NC with this relative of mine. I said that I wondered why they hadn’t given how much she lies and bitches about them. Although ironically her own son who was adopted by her mother at birth, has disowned her, and yet she tells everyone who she meets that they have a wonderful mother/son relationship…

@BoredZelda I was making general observations about how some people interpret Christianity as accepting any crap people throw at you, however we are still repsonsible for how we react to such, I said righteous anger but the vast majority of anger is not righteous in either it's manifestation or the reason or motivation behind it because it is an impulsive reaction mostly. Anger needs to be directed at the correct source of problem sometimes we all need a rant but we then need to cool off before acting so it is not rash.

I was not really commenting too much on OP's exact situation as it is confusing about how much is this incident and how much is projecting because of previous history and as with most things there is her side, her sister's side and the truth

@TeacupDrama

You are spot on with the anger. I am a delayed reaction person. My lovely SIL today said 'didn't you tell her to feck off? I didn't. My husband and son both said, 'why do you bother?'. The upside is she has a lovey kind daughter. We all have shit going on and who knows. We have a terminally ill brother and he wanted me to make friends with her again. I tried, and i may be a crap Christian but God loves a trier. Thank you all for your insightful comments and best wishes.

My big successful career was halted due to caring for my dying parents.

Weren’t you made redundant because of a nasty, lying asshole of a boss?

Just leave your sister alone then. Sorted.

@BoredZelda

Jesus, yes. I am referring to the 3 years 6 months on carers allowance that cost us our life savings. I got paid £60 a week. She went to the bloody Maldives! My older brother was his stepson, my younger is dying. Nobody thanked me but came for the will. My sister said my brother brought his illness on himself (kidney disease) if that is a misunderstanding i am a Unicorn.

Jesus, yes. I am referring to the 3 years 6 months on carers allowance that cost us our life savings.

So it didn’t cost you the big successful career where you were earning lots that you were made redundant from recently?

[quote TinselTottyTart]@Mrstamborineman

Not the messenger. But a nasty, miserable, jealous old bag. I nursed both our parents. She came once a fortnight. Delayed my father's funeral to go on holiday! (he wouldn't have wanted her to lose money in her opinion ) My crime? A good career, better than hers. So I am a snob (due to my University) and need taking down. We have had a shit ten years. She never helped but I did when she was a single parent. Not an equal relationship. Why are people so nasty?[/quote]
I’m sure your final sentence could be asked of you! You call yourself a Christian but you’re being extremely nasty about her. That’s the complete opposite of the supposed teachings of Jesus.
This is what you’ve said
I hate her
She’s a fecking bitch
She’s a nasty, miserable, jealous old bag
She knows nothing but enjoys hurting people.

My sister is now apologising.

😏

Ummm..
And so?

And so. No ffi.

There's so much pent up anger here. I don't think that she did much wrong, but the fact that you're dredging up the past is just adding ammunition to your feelings. Are you likely to calm down in time? Will going no contact or low contact make you, her and the rest of your family feel better in the long run? The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. Hate is usually as a result of feeling hurt by someone close. It's anger. I would give yourself a few days to calm down before making any big decisions.

The complication seems to come from your wanting to be close to the family of a sister you don't like and who has mistreated you from adolescence. (My sister and I, who get on well, don't give Xmas or b'day presents to each other's grandchildren, our great-nephews and nieces.) Being a Christian is quite hard, but if you ask yourself 'What would Jesus have done?' then look for a Bible story or teaching that seems relevant, it may help. Try this, Matthew 18:21, 22: Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.' Note: Jesus didn't say you have to stay closely enmeshed with your brother's (or sister's) family. Forgiveness BY God is the promise not to count our sins against us; so forgiving your sister means being able to say to yourself 'she did these things that upset me, but now I can let all that go. It's in the past, and can't be changed.' It DOESN'T mean you have to put yourself in a position where she can continue to hurt you; but if you do, then you know her behaviour that upsets you is likely to recur again and again. I don't know if that helps at all. As @ExtraOnion suggests, it might help you to have a talk with a priest or vicar. Being able to forgive might indeed set you free from the burden of hurt and anger you are feeling. God bless you.