Did I ruin Christmas?

[Twistedunicorn]

Basically that really? We went to mils for dinner and my son was being a typical 3 year old ... tantrums all day, throwing dinner everywhere,climbing all over me and just being a little **it (don't come at me...you've all thought it about kids at one point!) I stopped trying to enjoy myself ,stopped drinking n just wanted to take him home to his bed but hos dad wanted us all to stay and at least try enjoy ourselves.. he spent most of the night in the kitchen - this is my 1st Christmas without my dad so I wasn't really feeling it in the first place and my sons behaving just wasn't helping 😢 I've spent all day and night arguing with my partner today because my "face was tripping me all night" and the fact I wanted to go home makes me ungrateful.

Why couldn’t you just go home with your son?

Cause my partner thought he'd settle down n we could continue enjoying ourselves

No you didn’t ruin it. Sounds like you have an unsupportive partner who left you to deal with your child alone while he enjoyed himself carefree and he wasn’t supportive of you emotionally wrt your first Xmas without your dad

I tried my hardest to make the day important and all about my son as I know Christmas is all for the kids but I felt so embarrassed by the way he was acting, literally wanted the ground to open up and swallow me so I could escape

What did you DH do to help yesterday? Did he take over with DS for a while or maybe play with him or take him a walk? If not then he played a massive part in making the day hell for you.

Christmas is a rough time for kids with all the build up and excitement so it’s no wonder he wasn’t behaving, most kids that age dont. Add on the factor of your loss I’m not surprised you had a rough day

Big unmumsnetty hugs

Did your partner do anything to help deal with your son's behaviour? He doesn't sound like he was being very helpful.

When we were at ours dh was brilliant, helping to build new pressies etc then we got ready to go and my son decided to act up the whole night.. I'm not one who just leaves my son in the room with other adults whilst I step out as he's our responsibility no one else's

Not really because our sons had a rough few months with his health my dh doesn't discipline him so I always feel like the bad one

My MIL use t really wind up my oldest - too much sugar, raucous play, no rules, disturbing the routine etc. Guess what stopped pretty fucking quickly when I started to put my feet up and let my husband deal with the meltdowns and tantrums 100% on his own.

My in laws are amazing tbh n they done everything for us yesterday but now I'm sitting thinking I've ruined Christmas for everyone

My 4 year old has been pretty feral today. Its an overwhelming time of year.
Your dh sounds less than helpful. I hope it was just a one off. If not you need to have a think and a chat with him when you are both calm and rested.

Our son is hardworking as all kids are I get that but I literally never get a minute (no exaggeration) I wfh and still don't even get time to just get on with it as my son is a clingy, cuddly little boy which I absolutely adore but it's so stressful trying to work with him hanging off me,pulling my headset or worse pulling the plug from the wall 😔 my dh suggest putting him into his bedroom to play but I feel so guilty cause he's left alone the whole time

If you're really worried why don't you send a quick text saying you hope his behaviour wasn't too much and that you are looking forward to more relaxed Christmases when he's older with a smiley - so a sort of apology but not really as it's not your fault a 3 year old was a dick - it comes with the territory!

Could you have gone home and dp stayed? It seems like a practical solution.

However, my mum died on the 2nd December, so it's our first Christmas. Its been horrific for us. The moment of joy have come from watching dp support my kids and my dad. Taking over when we had tears, ensuring the kids knew we ok and distracting them. He ended up in the garden reassuring my dd (18) when she was in the garden crying over the Yorkshire puddings.

If dp told me I didn't have the right face. I would have to him to fuck off.

Sounds like your dp didn't really help with your child either. And also, may be causing some of your child's behaviours by refusing to parent.

So I don't think you ruined Christmas. I think he did, by being a poor parent and partner.

@Twistedunicorn

Our son is hardworking as all kids are I get that but I literally never get a minute (no exaggeration) I wfh and still don't even get time to just get on with it as my son is a clingy, cuddly little boy which I absolutely adore but it's so stressful trying to work with him hanging off me,pulling my headset or worse pulling the plug from the wall 😔 my dh suggest putting him into his bedroom to play but I feel so guilty cause he's left alone the whole time

I don't see how you can wfh and be in charge of your son. You need to rethink that.

@Doesntfeellikexmas I'm so sorry for your ❤

Dh suggests talking to him but I honestly can't.. everything I try it's like a competition... i say I'm tired n fed up and he says "and I'm not??" So basically like talking to a brick wall

Loss *

Slightly off topic…. Why is he hanging off you when you’re working?! Either your DH is looking after him, in which case he needs to step up and and do it properly, or your son should be in childcare. You cannot simultaneously look after a three year old and work, clingy or not!

Sorry I went off topic.... when I'm working my dh sleeps cause he's been up n down most the night with ds

Not the point but if course you can't simultaneously work and be in charge of a child

He needs to be in childcare whilst you work

Are you working while caring for your child (no childcare)? How does that work?

Ds usually goes to nursery but we've recently had an epilepsy diagnosis and trialing new medication so he was off before Xmas hols but will be going back after New year

@Twistedunicorn

Sorry I went off topic.... when I'm working my dh sleeps cause he's been up n down most the night with ds

You have an overwhelming husband problem. He sounds lazy and unwilling to accept that being a parent means being tired, curtailing your own fun because your child isn’t coping and looking after the kid not leaving them in their room!

You haven't ruined anything Op, I am currently sitting in bed while my dinner goes cold on the table because despite spending 7.5hrs cooking a lovely roast dinner for us to enjoy while we watch a new dvd as a family, rather than taking the fucking cups into the living room and putting the dvd on they decided to sit glued like eejits to the tv while I limped (disabled) into the room with the food etc when I told them they were out of order they said I was, I'm done. If I had somewhere to go I would be fucking gone, this is the straw that broke the camels back as it is constantly like this.

Put your child into childcare when you're working if your partner can't look after him. You sound exhausted.