Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin Christmas?

75 replies

Twistedunicorn · 26/12/2021 18:17

Basically that really? We went to mils for dinner and my son was being a typical 3 year old ... tantrums all day, throwing dinner everywhere,climbing all over me and just being a little **it (don't come at me...you've all thought it about kids at one point!) I stopped trying to enjoy myself ,stopped drinking n just wanted to take him home to his bed but hos dad wanted us all to stay and at least try enjoy ourselves.. he spent most of the night in the kitchen - this is my 1st Christmas without my dad so I wasn't really feeling it in the first place and my sons behaving just wasn't helping 😢 I've spent all day and night arguing with my partner today because my "face was tripping me all night" and the fact I wanted to go home makes me ungrateful.

OP posts:
Newdad19 · 26/12/2021 18:44

That's shit. I'm a dad and wouldn't leave my wife in this situation.

We our DS4 had a couple of moments yesterday at SIL during dinner and we took shots of each of disciplining/distracting etc to diffuse it. He's a dick leaving you to do that ok your own never mind the fact it is already a hard Christmas for you.

Smerk · 26/12/2021 18:44

If you spend 8 hours a day trying to ignore/brush off/shush a 3 year old so you can work, I wonder if that's why he's so clingy and trying to get your attention? Why isn't he in nursery?

Smerk · 26/12/2021 18:47

Cross post - if it's a temporary situation, "D"H should be stepping up and helping with childcare rather than sleeping or leaving him alone in his bedroom.

Original poster
Twistedunicorn · 26/12/2021 18:48

Sorry yean it's a bit of a cross post... alot of what went on yesterday is a build up in my head so apologies in advance if it seems mumbled

OP posts:
Original poster
Twistedunicorn · 26/12/2021 18:49

To all saying put my ds in childcare I've already said why he's been off

OP posts:
DollyPartBaked · 26/12/2021 18:50

What time were you there till / how long were you there? I agree that DH should have pulled his weight with dealing with the tantrums etc

Original poster
Twistedunicorn · 26/12/2021 18:53

We got back early hours, ds was put to bed in mils bedroom about 8/9 n we stayed on for a bit

OP posts:
RandomMess · 26/12/2021 18:54

You need to be clear with your DH that it's your first Christmas since your Dad died and then he hid in the kitchen and left you to handle DS poor behaviour on your own and he wonders why you weren't the life and soul of the party.

You suggested taking him home so it's on him tbh.

Theunamedcat · 26/12/2021 18:55

Illness is not an excuse not to parent a child

Original poster
Twistedunicorn · 26/12/2021 18:58

I suggested going home with ds myself to get him into bed and I'd probably do the same but I didn't want to ruin dhs night so told him to stay which he didn't want... in the end I agreed we'd stay, try settle ds n have a drink but it didn't work

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 26/12/2021 18:58

I am amazed given your update re a recent epilepsy diagnosis and new medication that your husband would actually suggest leaving your child to play alone in their bedroom. What the fuck? No, you can’t wfh and watch a 3 year old either.

Original poster
Twistedunicorn · 26/12/2021 19:00

The amount of times I've wanted to chuck my pc in the bin and stop working is unbelievable tbh

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 26/12/2021 19:00

You didn't ruin anything. You do however seem to have a partner who either has completely unrealistic expectations of a child or who thinks he can duck.out when it gets too much or leave it to someone else mum whenever he feels like it.

The plan should probably never have been staying late.

CheeseCrackersAndWine · 26/12/2021 19:05

No, you didn’t ruin Christmas & I think given the recent diagnosis your DH could have been a lot more understanding & supportive.

I have a 6 year old with multiple disabilities - epilepsy being one, and between the seizures & meds (especially if starting new or having an increase!) can week absolute havoc with her…

girlmom21 · 26/12/2021 19:06

@Twistedunicorn

To all saying put my ds in childcare I've already said why he's been off
Does your husband work?
Original poster
Twistedunicorn · 26/12/2021 19:07

We've tried talking about the diagnosis but dh says he's paranoid and on the edge constantly so finds it easier sitting in the room dealing with stuff himself whilst I'm in the living room keeping charge

OP posts:
Original poster
Twistedunicorn · 26/12/2021 19:08

Not right now he doesn't

OP posts:
HaveringWavering · 26/12/2021 19:08

Hmm, this is about more than Christmas Day. Does your DH not work?
If your son’s health is such that he is awake for so much of the night that your DH gets no sleep at all, this is more than normal difficult 3 year-old behaviour. Sounds like this is an exceptional situation involving a serious health issue and the answer is absolutely not for you to be trying to work while your child is in the room because his other parent is sleeping, or putting a newly-diagnosed epileptic into a room by himself.

Your partner needs to face up properly to the health issue and stop focusing on irrelevant shit like Christmas Day.

KMBM107 · 26/12/2021 19:09

Op young children are hard work at xmas. I’ve got an 8 and 5 year old. Yesterday we were round the in-laws and 5 year old was hard work. Had a tantrum before dinner (dinner was later then normal, she had arrived to a room full of ppl that she hadn’t seen all together or use to seeing all together because of covid and hadn’t slept well at all) I had to take her out for a walk to calm down) this isn’t the first xmas where one of one haven’t had moments. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It’s all
Overwhelming for little ones. Maybe shorter visit next year or really think how it could work better for little one - we found it abit better to host for instance so could spend some quiet time in their rooms if necessary

girlmom21 · 26/12/2021 19:09

@Twistedunicorn

Not right now he doesn't
Then he needs to be up with DS when you're working. If that means he gets less sleep then tough. If it means you need to get up a couple of hours earlier and do your share of childcare then so be it.

Him being in bed expecting you to work and look after your child when he isn't earning is ridiculous

HaveringWavering · 26/12/2021 19:11

We've tried talking about the diagnosis but dh says he's paranoid and on the edge constantly so finds it easier sitting in the room dealing with stuff himself whilst I'm in the living room keeping charge

WTF?

Dealing with what himself, exactly? And caring for a sick 3 year-old child is not “keeping charge”.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 26/12/2021 19:11

We've tried talking about the diagnosis but dh says he's paranoid and on the edge constantly

He’s paranoid so has suggested you leave your epileptic son who is on new meds alone in his room for periods of time to play?

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2021 19:14

@Twistedunicorn

Sorry I went off topic.... when I'm working my dh sleeps cause he's been up n down most the night with ds
You're kidding. right?

How do others manage when they're working and have been up all night? Does he work as well?

If he's that useless, put your DC in nursery.

Scarydinosaurs · 26/12/2021 19:14

Wtf

You have a DH problem. He doesn’t work, doesn’t do childcare…you would be better off doing the night time get ups (how frequent is this?) and saying he does day time childcare OR ask for compassionate leave from work.

This is a ridiculous situation.

When does your son return to nursery? I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with an epilepsy diagnosis - that is really tough. Have you joined a support group for parents?

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2021 19:14

Sorry, cross post.

Doesn't excuse your partner though