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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boxing Day dread

84 replies

Orangecaryellowcar · 26/12/2021 12:10

The worst day of the year has arrived. The annual 14-hour slog at the in laws. Arrived around 10, we leave about midnight. Every.single.year! I loathe it!
I am a massive introvert and would give anything to be on my sofa with films, books, and food. I’m not a mixer, I choose the people I mix with very carefully. I wouldn’t choose these. I do it for DH. Throw his kids (my SKs) into the mix and it’s pure pain!

Any advice on how to get through the next 12 hours?

OP posts:
pansypotter123 · 26/12/2021 18:22

Why is it so bad though? I mean, fair enough you don't have to want to be there , but why is it so intolerable?

Why is the house cold? Are they mean or is it can old, draughty property? Do others say it's cold?

What is their hospitality like?

How do they treat you?

godmum56 · 26/12/2021 18:23

So sorry to hear that you have started to get migraines out of the blue....its fine though because a short walk and a quiet time at home will sort it.

MrsDThomas · 26/12/2021 18:25

Couldn’t you use covid as an excuse like the rest of those who dislike the inlaws?

DaisyNGO · 26/12/2021 18:28

@pansypotter123

Why is it so bad though? I mean, fair enough you don't have to want to be there , but why is it so intolerable?

Why is the house cold? Are they mean or is it can old, draughty property? Do others say it's cold?

What is their hospitality like?

How do they treat you?

It's 14 hours in someone else's house with a load of people!
5keletor · 26/12/2021 18:28

Oh that sounds absolutely hellish 😕 YANBU! About 2 hours would be the maximum I could handle with my in-laws.

Tabbacus · 26/12/2021 18:29

What do you think will happen if you don't go? I know relationships are all about compromise, but this isn't one because you hate going! A compromise would be that perhaps you go for a bit of the day and then go home and he stays, or you spend a day with them but not boxing day or something.

waitingforlifeonmars · 26/12/2021 18:35

Could you just say your cold and are nipping home for a jumper? Give yourself a breather?

Personally I'd go will saying you feel ill, say you'll go home and if you feel up to it, you'll pick up hubby at 11.

BoredZelda · 26/12/2021 18:49

But I’m smiling and plotting how to not have to do this next year.

How difficult is it just to say no. Let him sulk. If you do it to stop him sulking then the sulking works, doesn’t it.

JoanWilderbeast · 26/12/2021 19:11

I voted YABU, but having thought about it as long as your DH could bail from your family gatherings in return, if he wanted. Then you should be able to bail too.

Tulips21 · 26/12/2021 19:37

It really is an easy ' Im not feeling well, im going home and will pick you up later' job..
Just say it, If you are considered rude ect, so be it!
4 hrs would be my max and thats with my Dp-They are great ect but 4hrs is long enough!

DoctorSnortles · 26/12/2021 19:46

It's only one day. Slap on a polite smile and get on with it. They probably aren't keen to see you either, but have the maturity and good manners to carry it off.

Mrstamborineman · 26/12/2021 20:36

Perk it up. Play some parlour games Hmm

Aderyn21 · 26/12/2021 20:42

If you won't do anything to help yourself then this is kind of your own fault. Let your husband sulk! You should be able to say to your own husband that as much as this is his tradition, it's your Christmas too and you don't want to spend every Boxing day doing this! There should be room in a relationship for taking it in turns or for going your own things if he really doesn't want to give this up.

Original poster
Orangecaryellowcar · 26/12/2021 20:44

Thanks @DoctorSnortles you’re clearly an expert on politeness!

I have smiled my way through almost 11 hours so far and still going.
I’ve eaten Christmas pudding that I can’t stand as MIL gets it in special for me as she thinks I like it. I’m really not rude.

I’m getting a bit fed up now. If I wanted to waste a whole day there are better things to be doing.

OP posts:
LivingDeadGirlUK · 26/12/2021 20:48

Could you read a book?

KeepScrapingBy · 26/12/2021 21:13

10 minutes away you say? You’ve just realised you’ve left the iron on and have to dash home.

PamelaDoov · 26/12/2021 21:31

Leave the car and get absolutely pissed.

If you do it well enough you may not get invited back next year.

HabitsDieHard · 26/12/2021 21:37

No solutions just solidarity, I also have an annual Christmas endurance test. Mine involves an overnight stay -weeps- I do like my in-laws but it's just too long for an introvert like me.
I do agree that you should make a plan to do it differently next year though. You could just visit for a few hours and head off. If anybody takes offence, fuck em, frankly

KA30 · 26/12/2021 21:40

It is too late next year but please for your own sanity stay at home next year or at the very least stay for much less time! Don't be forced to do something unemployable. Your dh should understand. We usually visit my in laws at some point over the festive period but my Dp knows there is a limit. I couldn't stay for half as long as you do, hats off to you!

Original poster
Orangecaryellowcar · 26/12/2021 21:56

I’ve been making a few polite comments about leaving soon. Nearly 12 hours here now.

OP posts:
HairyScaryMonster · 26/12/2021 23:07

I'd definitely bring a book if they have no qualms about putting footie on the TV!

NatashaBedwouldbenice · 26/12/2021 23:14

This is crazy. Why do some women put themselves through so many things that they don’t want to do?

Zerrin13 · 26/12/2021 23:21

This is one long day. Just get on with it.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 26/12/2021 23:31

Next year, say to your DH that the whole day is just too much. You’ll pop over for the evening but you’re not up for the 10am to 6pm stint as well. Then ignore all moaning about tradition.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 26/12/2021 23:33

Or, after a few hours, disappear to the bathroom. Stay there until someone comes to ask what’s wrong. Then say you have a really upset stomach. Then go home.