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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing Covid test

59 replies

Tooboo · 26/12/2021 09:14

Been together 10 years and you can guarantee that DH will fall “ill” around every single holiday or event that we plan. Christmas, birthdays, vacations, events …. It’s literally every time.

So come Christmas Eve this year I was surprised to realise he hadn’t mentioned feeling unwell. I felt unwell, I felt like shit actually with a banging headache and fever. I’ve been taking LFTs every day and they’re always negative. I didn’t mention to him that I felt unwell as it would just set him off.
Christmas Day he was quiet but didn’t mention feeling unwell. Christmas evening came and he’s suddenly flushed up bright red, sweating and huddled under a blanket on the sofa saying he couldn’t get warm. Spidey senses started tingling. I left him to have a sleep. He got worse and started coughing, said his throat was killing him and he had a bastard of a headache. He took paracetamol which really surprised me as in all our 10 years I’ve known him take paracetamol twice and only when absolutely desperate.
We went to bed, he was so hot that when his skin touched mine it actually stung a little … like I was up against a radiator. He said he just couldn’t get warm yet was literally burning up.
This morning he’s back under his blanket asleep. I’ve just done a LFT and have booked a PCR. He is refusing to take either as he’s meant to be having his adult kids (25 and 26) overnight tonight and doesn’t want to have to cancel!!! I can’t get over this!! I said if it is Covid you’re going to pass it on!! Plus even without this he’s clearly too unwell to drive across the city, pick them up, entertain them all night and then drive them back home tomorrow!

AIBU here? Actually I know I’m not, just can’t get over it, the stupidness of it.

Should also add that DH has never had a LFT or a PCR since the pandemic started.

OP posts:
MsEmmeline · 26/12/2021 09:17

This is ridiculous, what a man child - he's rather put everyone at risk of being ill than be disappointed himself.

I hope he sees sense, and that everyone gets well quickly.

Theballoonsinthesky · 26/12/2021 09:17

Is your LFT now positive? Why are you so convinced it is covid after all your negative LFTs?

Porcupineintherough · 26/12/2021 09:20

Dont you ever get bored of him OP ? I feel bored of him and I've never met the man.

Dozer · 26/12/2021 09:21

He sounds a massive PITA but YABU too: you had symptoms but didn’t go for a PCR.

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2021 09:22

He sounds exhausting to live with

Original poster
Tooboo · 26/12/2021 09:22

@Dozer

He sounds a massive PITA but YABU too: you had symptoms but didn’t go for a PCR.
I had a PCR last week when symptoms first started.
OP posts:
LemonLymanDotCom · 26/12/2021 09:23

Drop the adult kids a text. As adults they can make the choice of whether to come & possibly get infected or not.

MargosKaftan · 26/12/2021 09:24

Contact your step children and tell them he has all the symptoms of covid but is refusing to test.

CasparBloomberg · 26/12/2021 09:24

The kids are adults, so if he’s not listening to you, can you just let them know his symptoms and let them decide whether they want to come in those circumstances or persuade him to test? Can’t imagine they’d be keen to spend days in bed with a fever they’ve caught off him, even if it’s not covid.

JanglyBeads · 26/12/2021 09:25

You need to have another PCR and you both should be isolating for ten days from when symptoms started. He needs a PCR too of course.

What would his adult children say - do they know about his symptoms?

Dozer · 26/12/2021 09:27

Yes, if he refuses to notify his DC he’s unwell would message them directly, wouldn’t be complicit in them arriving without being informed.

LaurieFairyCake · 26/12/2021 09:27

Wouldn't bother me - he's most likely to have what you have as you've been in for the last few days

So test yourself again and if it's Covid they're not coming anyway as you have it

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 26/12/2021 09:27

You need to tell his children, and they’ll them he won’t get a pcr.

Is it worth you having another pcr? My DC had headaches with covid as did my friends, one of them had 3 pcr’s until theirs was positive.

Scrooge89 · 26/12/2021 09:29

Test yourself like PP said he’ll have what you have. If you’re negative it’s not covid.

CriminalOrator · 26/12/2021 09:30

@Dozer

He sounds a massive PITA but YABU too: you had symptoms but didn’t go for a PCR.
This is what I came to say. Why on earth did you not go for a PCR the moment you had symptoms? Lat flows are for non-symptomatic. And what did you achieve by not mentioning it? Did you carry on as normal in that time because you had negative lat flows?

At this rate, between the two of you, if you are positive you’re going to have infected an awful lot of people.

Sunshineandrainbow · 26/12/2021 09:31

@Theballoonsinthesky

Is your LFT now positive? Why are you so convinced it is covid after all your negative LFTs?
All my lft have been negative but pcr Positive, which I find very strange. I think lft are meant to mainly check for positive cases amongst those with no symptoms.
Lifeispassingby · 26/12/2021 09:34

@Scrooge89

Test yourself like PP said he’ll have what you have. If you’re negative it’s not covid.
What a ridiculous comment- just because OP didn’t have covid doesn’t mean her DH doesn’t now have it! He has symptoms so should do a PCR. (OP I think this is where my nagging wife role would come in to play personally)
bigbluebus · 26/12/2021 09:34

Tell his adult kids he's not well enough for them to come (possibly Covid) so unfortunately you need to cancel tonight. Once the event is cancelled he's got no reason to not get tested. You don't want to be complicit in inviting people into your home to get Covid or at least some other viral disease.

LawnFever · 26/12/2021 09:34

Even if he hasn’t got covid surely if he’s this ill his kids can’t come anyway, why would they if he’s just going to sit under a blanket poorly?

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 26/12/2021 09:35

“ I said if it is Covid you’re going to pass it on!! ”

This isn’t really the point though is it. Covid isn’t the only contagious virus. Whatever it is that he has, and it sounds pretty nasty, presumably he doesn’t want to pass this on to his adult children? I am guessing that he doesn’t want to cancel as in the past he’s cried wolf so many times! Perhaps have a quiet word with the adult kids and emphasise that he is actually genuinely ill this year. Hopefully he will be staying at home whether it’s covid or not? Test is moot. Nobody wants his germs regardless.

JacquelineCarlyle · 26/12/2021 09:38

It sounds like he's ill, so Covid or not, he should be isolating and not spreading his germs around. (Although agree that he should do a PCR to test - you're not meant to do lateral flows when you have actual symptoms so I wouldn't argue with him about that but would be on at him non-stop to take a PCR).

TooWicked · 26/12/2021 09:39

I would text his adult children - “ just letting you know your dad is unwell, he’s not doing an LFT or PCR though, visit at your own risk!”.

And then refuse to take any part in picking them up or driving them around when he realises he’s too unwell to do it himself.

Clutterbugsmum · 26/12/2021 09:39

Weather it's Covid or just a bad cold I would let his children know how ill he is and as they are adults they can decide if they still want to come over.

Also if he does insist that they do come over then HE is responsible for all hosting duties as if he well enough to get and see HIS kids then HE is well enough to be the host.

LethargeMarg · 26/12/2021 09:42

I know lots of people recently (this week so very likely omicron)who were negative on ltfs when symptomatic and them got a positive pcr and kept checking on ltfs and still showed negative even when really ill, I wonder if the booster is masking something on the ltfs? I'd definitely be getting a pcr

MadeForThis · 26/12/2021 09:53

It sounds like his adult children only live across town, not hours away. He can see them when he is better.

Even if it isn't covid it sounds like a nasty bug and I'm sure he wouldn't want to pass it on.