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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing Covid test

59 replies

Tooboo · 26/12/2021 09:14

Been together 10 years and you can guarantee that DH will fall “ill” around every single holiday or event that we plan. Christmas, birthdays, vacations, events …. It’s literally every time.

So come Christmas Eve this year I was surprised to realise he hadn’t mentioned feeling unwell. I felt unwell, I felt like shit actually with a banging headache and fever. I’ve been taking LFTs every day and they’re always negative. I didn’t mention to him that I felt unwell as it would just set him off.
Christmas Day he was quiet but didn’t mention feeling unwell. Christmas evening came and he’s suddenly flushed up bright red, sweating and huddled under a blanket on the sofa saying he couldn’t get warm. Spidey senses started tingling. I left him to have a sleep. He got worse and started coughing, said his throat was killing him and he had a bastard of a headache. He took paracetamol which really surprised me as in all our 10 years I’ve known him take paracetamol twice and only when absolutely desperate.
We went to bed, he was so hot that when his skin touched mine it actually stung a little … like I was up against a radiator. He said he just couldn’t get warm yet was literally burning up.
This morning he’s back under his blanket asleep. I’ve just done a LFT and have booked a PCR. He is refusing to take either as he’s meant to be having his adult kids (25 and 26) overnight tonight and doesn’t want to have to cancel!!! I can’t get over this!! I said if it is Covid you’re going to pass it on!! Plus even without this he’s clearly too unwell to drive across the city, pick them up, entertain them all night and then drive them back home tomorrow!

AIBU here? Actually I know I’m not, just can’t get over it, the stupidness of it.

Should also add that DH has never had a LFT or a PCR since the pandemic started.

OP posts:
QuestionNumberOne · 26/12/2021 09:54

Christ he’s behaving like a baby and not for the first time.

Sympathy OP. Text his kids and explain and don’t soften the truth.

What an idiot he is.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/12/2021 09:58

I hate this idea at the moment that if it's not covid, it should be business as usual! He's got a horrible bug, whether it's covid or something else. He's selfish for not having a test and for wanting to carry on seeing people regardless of the test - if it came back negative he still shouldn't be seeing people because whatever he's got sounds horrible and is likely to be contagious. Just because something isn't covid, it doesn't mean people should be going to work, school or social gatherings when they're really ill.

Babyontheway21 · 26/12/2021 10:09

This is exactly my symptoms and I tested positive yesterday! I think he needs to do a lft at the very least. I feel terrible why would he want his kids to feel like this Confused

PicaK · 26/12/2021 10:09

Text them and let them know he's ill with a flu like bug. Even without covid it's extremely rude of him not to give them the heads up.
And then book him a pcr. If he's that ill he's not thinking straight arguably and needs bundling in a car and taking to a drive thru test centre.

Beamur · 26/12/2021 10:15

Very selfish to risk exposing his kids to whatever he has, be it Covid or something else.

Frazzled2207 · 26/12/2021 10:15

@TooWicked

I would text his adult children - “ just letting you know your dad is unwell, he’s not doing an LFT or PCR though, visit at your own risk!”.

And then refuse to take any part in picking them up or driving them around when he realises he’s too unwell to do it himself.

This
vickyc90 · 26/12/2021 10:15

Let's the kids know and it's there decision is this their last social event of the Xmas period if not I doubt they will want to risk catching it.

dittheringdoldrums · 26/12/2021 10:20

@TooWicked

I would text his adult children - “ just letting you know your dad is unwell, he’s not doing an LFT or PCR though, visit at your own risk!”.

And then refuse to take any part in picking them up or driving them around when he realises he’s too unwell to do it himself.

This!
gamerchick · 26/12/2021 10:35

I'd also let the kids know. They're adults, they can make their own risk assessments. Even before covid it's the right thing to do.

2389Champ · 26/12/2021 10:56

Several weeks ago, I would have been on the ‘string him up for his selfishness’ rant.

I’ve now come to the conclusion with Omicron that it’s so efficient at transmission, there’s little we can do now, and apart from letting his children know so they can make their own choices, there’s little point in testing - other than to confirm positivity to the individual taking it.

It takes around 3 days from exposure to infection. My LFTs were all negative whilst I was feeling a bit meh and were only positive once I felt better 2 days later! By then, I don’t doubt I inadvertently spread it along with millions of others.

In the last fortnight, it’s gone from a handful of friends/colleagues having had Covid over the whole pandemic to virtually everyone testing positive. All without exception, in all vax status and in all age groups, mild and not requiring medical intervention.

Trying to stop Omicron now would be like trying to contain an octopus in a string bag!

.

Milkshake54 · 26/12/2021 11:10

Your husbands symptoms sounds like me with covid last week 🙃

cordelia16 · 26/12/2021 11:40

The problem with telling the adult kids and then letting them decide what to do is that they may well decide to come anyway. If it is Covid, then they will get it and then pass it on to others they come into contact with. It's not just about protecting the adult kids imo. The only non-selfish thing to do it cancel the get-together.

LampLighter414 · 26/12/2021 11:43

@Theballoonsinthesky

Is your LFT now positive? Why are you so convinced it is covid after all your negative LFTs?
All of my LFTs were negative despite the common covid symptoms. My pcr booked for peace of mind was then positive.

LFTs aren't the be all and end all

Frazzled2207 · 26/12/2021 12:38

@cordelia16

The problem with telling the adult kids and then letting them decide what to do is that they may well decide to come anyway. If it is Covid, then they will get it and then pass it on to others they come into contact with. It's not just about protecting the adult kids imo. The only non-selfish thing to do it cancel the get-together.
Yes but they are adults and can make their own decisions. I would hope they would simply see sense and not come. Even if not covid they won’t want to pick up whatever it is.
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/12/2021 12:43

he’s meant to be having his adult kids (25 and 26) overnight

Sorry but this has made me laugh quite a lot! How is he "meant to be having" them overnight? They're adults not 5 and 6 year olds. Surely they were just coming to stay and now they can't?

Middersweekly · 26/12/2021 13:17

I can sympathize OP as my DH won’t do LFT’s either. I’ve just caught Covid myself off a work colleague but I guarantee he still won’t test. I started feeling unwell Friday with the chills (couldn’t get warm, even huddled in my duvet, exactly like your DH) LFT positive that evening. Did 2 LFT this morning as feeling a bit better today, they’re still positive.

Booklover3 · 26/12/2021 13:43

He is being unreasonable

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 26/12/2021 13:48

@Middersweekly

I can sympathize OP as my DH won’t do LFT’s either. I’ve just caught Covid myself off a work colleague but I guarantee he still won’t test. I started feeling unwell Friday with the chills (couldn’t get warm, even huddled in my duvet, exactly like your DH) LFT positive that evening. Did 2 LFT this morning as feeling a bit better today, they’re still positive.
Have you booked a PCR? Confused
DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 26/12/2021 14:09

@Middersweekly

I can sympathize OP as my DH won’t do LFT’s either. I’ve just caught Covid myself off a work colleague but I guarantee he still won’t test. I started feeling unwell Friday with the chills (couldn’t get warm, even huddled in my duvet, exactly like your DH) LFT positive that evening. Did 2 LFT this morning as feeling a bit better today, they’re still positive.
You need a pcr.
arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2021 14:10

Unbelievably selfish. This time and previous.

Selfishness is a deal breaker for me, but we all have our own bars.

montysma1 · 26/12/2021 14:18

Pretty sure lft work fine with symptoms.
They tell you not to use them as they want your to get a pcr and not use the mat flow as a get out of jail card, not because they don't work.

AlternativePerspective · 26/12/2021 14:27

COVID aside you need to ask yourself whether this is how you want to live the rest of your life.

My DP’s ex was like this. Always ill, every time they booked a holiday she would be ill. Whenever they were meant to see family, go for a weekend away, he used to go into work on the Monday and they would instantly know that yet again the weekend had been cancelled. Friends stopped inviting them over in the end because they would always have to back out at the last minute.

In the end he started going on the weekends away etc without her, especially when other people were involved e.g. they had committed to go away with a friend and his DD who was only 7, and backing out would have meant them having to cancel as well, so DP went without her.

In the end it was a huge part of the reason he left.

You have choices here OP. Frankly I wouldn’t stay in a relationship like this.

Original poster
Tooboo · 26/12/2021 14:41

He’s just tested, he’s positive

OP posts:
Kshhuxnxk · 26/12/2021 14:51

If illness happens at every holiday then I'd say theres a root cause there rather than just writing him off.

Grapewrath · 26/12/2021 14:55

My unvaccinated (adult) dd was positive on a PCR but continued to test negative on every lft. Lft are not reliable imo and seem less so for this strain