How do you know if you're autistic?

[ivegotamillionkids]

Posting for traffic and don't know how to vote as I'm on the app but...

How do you know?

I'm approaching 50 and not been formally diagnosed, but I have felt different my whole life.

Did you just go to your GP and say you've always felt different? How does this work? So fed up right now.

I have never felt 'normal' my entire life, and Christmas brings this home Every. Single. Year.

I just want it to all go away. And never see a person again. I would love to just live in my own little bubble of loneliness on a desert island. And then it would probably still be weird!

Anyone want to join me?

BlankTimes
And thanks again !
I’m copy and pasting your posts into my notes
🙏

But I'm undiagnosed so according to some on this thread I shouldn't call myself autistic

If any of posts inferred that , I apologise from the bottom of my heart ❤️
This thread has made me think lot
And I have a reading and watching list to progress myself as a result

This thread has been really insightful, thank you. I am waiting for an assessment for my DC and wonder what it will throw up in terms of myself and my DH.

Can anyone recommend good reading for parents new to autism, to educate ourselves and how best to support our DC at this early stage in the process for us?

I’ve suspected for quite some time I may be autistic. Always did very, very well academically and went into academe and was successful there, but on a social level have been seen as quirky, a little awkward, or too sensitive, or have been a loner or with one or two close friends. Didn’t date really at all until I was in my early 20s. I guess because I was doing well at school and grad school and progressing in my career, no one thought much about me being a little different.

Walked on toes until I was about 12, clumsy at sports, can’t watch frightening movies …. get overloaded with sensation…always been highly sensitive. Music or art can bring me to tears (in a good way). My house is sparsely decorated and very clean and ordered because too much clutter really bothers me.

I can lecture in front of 400 people and do a great job, but small talk…not so much…public speaking is easy for me because it is scripted and I can practice. I can give seminars because again it is structured, but informal chit-chat exhausts me after a while. I tend to ‘be in the kitchen at parties’.

I also don’t pick up when others are trying to take advantage of me…took me a long time to learn how to set boundaries at work. Lots of work stress and upset for a long time not over the demands of the job which were easy, but trying to figure out social cues and people’s motivations. I would just go into the bedroom and sob or punch a pillow in frustration sometimes.

Obsessed with my specialism. Yup. I can focus for hours and hours and work non stop and produce a lot. Wrote/published a lot of books and articles.

Since I retired, I’ve tended to be by myself or with DH much more, a few close friends, and I’m sleeping much more peacefully and feel so much better not being around loads of people. It is bliss just being home and writing, and the emotional waves are just gone.

I do wonder sometimes if things would have been easier if I was diagnosed earlier but I guess I’m financially well off and had a decent career and have DH and some friends, so maybe not.

@1967buglet You are my DH! Incredibly academically successful. Can lecture to huge groups so engagingly. Can’t make small talk. He isn’t massively emotional but cannot read a room at all. No social cues. Interestingly I watched him deliver a keynote a few years ago and I was really struck by how effortlessly engaging he was in the main talk and how much much less so in the Q&A. Tried to crack a joke or two and it all fell flat.
Also likes his family and our company and that’s it. Has very few friends. Works like a machine- his output is prodigious and so is his ability to read and retain information. But a dinner party is his idea of hell- even one with fellow academics. He really needs to decompress after a day of socialising.
And also didn’t date much- I was his second girlfriend and I asked him out. And he gave me an awkward answer, stayed friends with me and then one day out of the blue (we were maybe 22 and at University) said ‘do you think you and I might get married when we are older?’ or something like that and I said: yes. And he said: ok I’d like that.
I’m NT and he has a diagnosis of autism but a lot of what you wrote about the toe talking, clumsiness and sport all really resonated.

I was diagnosed about a year ago. I had a private assessment because of long waiting lists.
I did go to my gp first though. I researched the criteria for diagnosis and made a list of what applied to me, I also took my answers to a commonly used autism screener I found online and a letter from my therapist backing up what I was saying.
Good luck!

[quote LuchiMangsho]@1967buglet You are my DH! Incredibly academically successful. Can lecture to huge groups so engagingly. Can’t make small talk. He isn’t massively emotional but cannot read a room at all. No social cues. Interestingly I watched him deliver a keynote a few years ago and I was really struck by how effortlessly engaging he was in the main talk and how much much less so in the Q&A. Tried to crack a joke or two and it all fell flat.
Also likes his family and our company and that’s it. Has very few friends. Works like a machine- his output is prodigious and so is his ability to read and retain information. But a dinner party is his idea of hell- even one with fellow academics. He really needs to decompress after a day of socialising.
And also didn’t date much- I was his second girlfriend and I asked him out. And he gave me an awkward answer, stayed friends with me and then one day out of the blue (we were maybe 22 and at University) said ‘do you think you and I might get married when we are older?’ or something like that and I said: yes. And he said: ok I’d like that.
I’m NT and he has a diagnosis of autism but a lot of what you wrote about the toe talking, clumsiness and sport all really resonated.[/quote]
@LuchiMangsho Thanks for your response….That’s really interesting. I suspect quite a number of my fellow academics are like me. I think the lack of understanding of social cues is why sometimes it gets so fraught at work, LOL. It is lovely that you accept each other and respect each other’s differences. Your DH is lucky to have you.

My DH is like a life raft to me, although I suspect he also is autistic; we just kind of get each other most of the time. The marriage proposal was similarly abrupt. He just said when I was visiting him, I love you and could love you forever, and I said, well we should get married then. And we did.

Yes, I can read very fast and have a good memory…it was better when I was younger. I could shut my eyes and ‘see’ the textbook pages so exams weren’t too difficult. But any sport involving leg coordination, forget it. Hand eye coordination though is pretty developed…learned an instrument and how to draw/paint. Kind of a compensation for being so rubbish at sport and socialising.

I am surely glad understanding of autism is getting better now. It took me a long time to figure out what was going on with me, and maybe it would be good to have a formal diagnosis to confirm what I suspect.

the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/

I wanted to re link this link for anyone who’s joined
I keep reading and reading this list
It’s so funny , seeing all my quirks written black and white

@Pheasantplucker2 Can I just thank you from the bottom of my heart. I took your recommendation to buy Odd Girl Out by Laura James. Started the book last night. Thought 'oh my goodness, she's describing me' Then I got to page 9 where she says her journey started when diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and Postural Tachycardia Syndrome. I've just had both diagnosed in the last 7 months! I've just finished scribbling loads of notes in a brand new jotter dedicated to finding who I am. And I'm putting some calls in to start the ball rolling regarding assessment.

As a side note, for those asking what it the point of diagnosis. I think it's an individual thing. For me, I've been diagnosed with a physical disability. So the pain and constant struggle I have, means my emotional responses are now in tatters. I'm regularly having meltdowns. I applied for PIP on the basis of my physical disability, but a lot of what I wrote focussed on my physiological and emotional difficulties. That part was dismissed as I have no medical history of neuro diversity. Even though I explained the negative impact and anxiety I felt in so many day to day situations.