How do you know if you're autistic?

[ivegotamillionkids]

Posting for traffic and don't know how to vote as I'm on the app but...

How do you know?

I'm approaching 50 and not been formally diagnosed, but I have felt different my whole life.

Did you just go to your GP and say you've always felt different? How does this work? So fed up right now.

I have never felt 'normal' my entire life, and Christmas brings this home Every. Single. Year.

I just want it to all go away. And never see a person again. I would love to just live in my own little bubble of loneliness on a desert island. And then it would probably still be weird!

Anyone want to join me?

Is there much that you can do once you have a definitive answer?

I suspect I am not sure if you can ‘change’ when some ‘normal’ (although not essential) things are so difficult and stressful. I remember discussing psychology with a relative (when I was studying it) who was a senior child psychologist and he said that I thought everyone was on the spectrum somewhere. This was back when people were talking about Asbergers and kids were being diagnosed with ADHD like it was going out of fashion.

He said that he thought everyone was on the spectrum…

You are not abnormal OP, you are just different.
My DD and DH have high functioning Autism.
She also has PDA (demand avoidance) traits. My DD explains it that it isn't her with the "problem" it's others perceptions of things. She has learned to be honest in that if she doesn't or can't do something socially, she just excuses herself and doesn't pressurise herself to do it.
Retraing and moving into a work field where she is not unusual (tech) from one where she definitely was (health care) has also helped a lot.

The theory that everyone onnthe spectrum is not true and can be hurtful to some austistic people.

Mine is a combination of speech issues and tiptoe walking as a child that lasted into adulthood. I'm not very good at relationships, found physical affection difficult as a child. My DM referred to me as Wednesday's Child.

I can focus on a problem for much longer than most people, and am described by one of my family as horribly logical. I can manage small gatherings but loath crowds. I've got better at managing relationships as I've got older but I know I mask and am often exhausted by it.

I haven't bothered getting a diagnosis either. There are very few services available for adults and at my age, I don't see what help I could be offered. I've managed a career and am financially stable so I wouldn't qualify for that sort of help. I can't wait to retire so I don't have to pretend any more.

I think he was explaining that we have different ideas on what it actually is and how it is interpreted - and this can differs in interpretation.

So where some instances diagnosis is cut and dried, some behaviour or attitudes can be down to other things (experiences, family etc). I don’t remember the whole discussion (it was a while back). He was a lecturer at that stage.

The don’t always agree - I worked as a therapist way back and us therapists used to have some right barneys on the therapist support discussion sites.

I got my diagnosis at age 50. It's been a revelation! I no longer do social things that I find difficult, have reasonable adjustments at work and live in my happy little autistic bubble. I've realised that all 4 of my kids also fit on the spectrum, my eldest is diagnosed, the others aren't but we're all very open and considerate of each others' idiosyncrasies.

Most of all, I don't have to fit in.

Roomforanotherraspberry
That’s an interesting link
Definitely many traits for women I have , and some not at all

But I thinks it’s traits as opposed go to high func Aspergers ?

It’s all very new and confusing for me
I only had son assessed as psych advised it
And he was anxious angry and school refusing and didn’t know why

Since then I’ve more looked at myself and what triggers me as I have meltdowns too

Thanks god for my SSRI and weed
It’s calmed me right down
And I’m still not calm

You come on Mumsnet, where you'll be diagnosed instantly

Alternatively, you reach out to the professionals and do it through the sensible route - if you can access any, that is

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Roomforanotherraspberry That’s an interesting link Definitely many traits for women I have , and some not at all

But I thinks it’s traits as opposed go to high func Aspergers ?

It’s all very new and confusing for me
I only had son assessed as psych advised it
And he was anxious angry and school refusing and didn’t know why

Since then I’ve more looked at myself and what triggers me as I have meltdowns too

Thanks god for my SSRI and weed
It’s calmed me right down
And I’m still not calm

I've not found anything else as effective in bringing me out of shut down when I'm overwhelmed.

Have you done the AQ test? You can access it online.

I was diagnosed at 37. I figured it out because I have autistic children. I've spent my whole life feeling different.

@Floundery

My child is being assessed for ASD and giftedness in the next month, and I accidentally used a term (HFA) that was correct during the time I studied it at university. I am sorry if that offended you

“Assessed for giftedness” ??? Oh my sides. Fuck me I thought I’d seen it all on here.

Sorry to disappoint you but the only 2 options available now are (1) autistic or (2) not autistic. We can debate the rights and wrongs of that all day, but there are SO many twats in MN giving it “oh yes my son is autistic but not like those other thickos”. My DS is autistic too. He’s quite “gifted” at having meltdowns and smearing his shit everywhere when his sensory needs are not being met. He can’t write or use a toilet. But at least using a discredited term like HFA helps you distinguish your rarefied DC from the others eh? 🙄

You are 100% right. I absolutely hate this ableist crap about 'my child is the superior kind of autistic' 😡

Did you just go to your GP and say you've always felt different?

I went with a family history, including 2 of my own DC and gave the GP a list of traits and explained why I thought I might be

How does this work?

It doesn't. My GP dismissed my concern immediately because I am married, had a job, DC, a hobby etc etc. GPS are notorious for not having much of a detailed understanding of autism though.

I ended up going private for my diagnosis as the GP refused to refer me.

Out of curiosity I did several online tests. WTF?! I gave all normal answers and every single one came back saying I have a strong likelihood of Asperger's syndrome or autism. I'd definitely take these tests with a big punch of salt !

I've not found anything else as effective in bringing me out of shut down when I'm overwhelmed

Are you using both my meds too

I'm pursuing a diagnosis. Known for 20 years, which was a relief as I grew up thinking I was crazy/odd.

I can function well but I'm having an autistic shutdown ATM so really need 24/7 care.

I'd also advise looking up the physical conditions which are more common in autistic people.

@LaChatte

Out of curiosity I did several online tests. WTF?! I gave all normal answers and every single one came back saying I have a strong likelihood of Asperger's syndrome or autism. I'd definitely take these tests with a big punch of salt !

I agree. I'm autistic and often score low on these things. They are no indication at all

Itsnotover

I hope none of my posts offended you

I’m still at the very new phase when I’m struggling around understanding , and to a degree accepting the diagnosis

I feel like really ? Did she assess too easily , how can this be , what do I know

I can see how the HFA term can offend
It’s also a bit misleading in our case as son has school refused for quite some time
So he’s not bloody functioning

I am a similar age to you OP. My DC are all diagnosed with ASD. I think in a very similar way to one of them and have also struggled socially my whole life. I have terrible problems with organisation and tend to shut down if I feel too much pressure is being put on me, even if a task seems relatively simple, e.g packing a suitcase.

My GP was clueless when I asked him to refer me for assessment; didn’t know who to refer to and asked what benefit it would be anyway.
In the end, I did some research and persuaded him.
I was diagnosed two years ago.

All my DC present very differently and struggle with different aspects. Two of them have co-morbitities.

For me it was reading up obsessively in order to get my son a diagnosis and then slowly realising I had most of the same issues with sensory overwhelm and lots of other things.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Itsnotover

I hope none of my posts offended you

I’m still at the very new phase when I’m struggling around understanding , and to a degree accepting the diagnosis

I feel like really ? Did she assess too easily , how can this be , what do I know

I can see how the HFA term can offend
It’s also a bit misleading in our case as son has school refused for quite some time
So he’s not bloody functioning

No it's ok, I do understand that the whole thing is a learning curve. It's quite rare for an autistic child not to have at least one autistic parent. It's very much genetic in my view.

I would have been considered 'high functioning' but I don't function that well. I was academic at school but I've massively underachieved because I burn out so easily.