How do you know if you're autistic?

[ivegotamillionkids]

Posting for traffic and don't know how to vote as I'm on the app but...

How do you know?

I'm approaching 50 and not been formally diagnosed, but I have felt different my whole life.

Did you just go to your GP and say you've always felt different? How does this work? So fed up right now.

I have never felt 'normal' my entire life, and Christmas brings this home Every. Single. Year.

I just want it to all go away. And never see a person again. I would love to just live in my own little bubble of loneliness on a desert island. And then it would probably still be weird!

Anyone want to join me?

Thanks blank

I watched the TikTok and I get it , and hear what’s she’s saying

I’m really not saying ‘my sons better, more able’
I just feel like I’m taking the piss using the same term- when some people way have more severe issues to contend with

And maybe I need to give my head a wobble
He’s not attending school
He has major meltdowns
His sibling is majorly impacted
It’s a struggle every day

It just freaks me how much worse it became after their dad split

Sorry I’m rambling

As parents, it's so easy to underestimate the interventions you use every day, simply because it's home and that's the way you do things.

But if you and the kids were suddenly uprooted with no time for you to prepare them, say you were in a nice hotel for a week, think of all the things you'd have to do to make it even tolerable, let alone comfortable for them.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Most conditions; neuro diversities, illnesses, disabilities have a variance in severity from person to person. It's not exclusive to autism
and it's quite normal for people to be differently affected.

I preferred the term Aspergers as that removes the nuance of functioning and ableism but better describes what he has

The reason why most autistic people I know don't like the term Aspergers is because it's a term made by the Nazi doctor who decided which autistic people should be murdered and which would be more useful so should be kept alive. I guess it's not a very nice association. It's also confusing from a diagnostic pov I think.

My personal experience of autism is that it does look different in different people. But if you have enough traits for a diagnosis, you are going to need significant adjustments in your life.

A lot of it is to do with the fact that the neurotypical world wants to force autistic people to behave NT. sometimes, not realising that's what they're doing. This causes stress and mental health problems for the autistic people.

I feel so uncomfortable when I see autism parenting videos (often in the US). With a parent putting a lot of pressure on their child to 'LOOK AT ME, I can't hear what you're saying' for example.

Aspergers is because it's a term made by the Nazi doctor who decided which autistic people should be murdered and which would be more useful so should be kept alive. I guess it's not a very nice association

Well now you tell me that 😱
Joking aside I never knew that . Horrific and totally understand the sentiment , hearing that rams it home

About the variance in severity of autism, seemingly whatever terminology is used it always offends someone for a plethora of reasons.

The problem is that any classification is often determined by observation of the visibility of someone's reactions that are seen as autism by the observer. Even the new-ish system using classification of the levels of support a person needs as opposed to suggesting levels of the severity of their autism, comes with a very large caveat saying that peoples' needs can change a lot depending on circumstances day to day.

Trying to differentiate the effect of autism on different people or using a needs-based system is just about impossible because there's no constant for an individual.

That's without even considering co-morbids. My DD is in her late twenties and I could not go through a whole day documenting her non-NT reactions to daily life and honestly say which were caused by her autism and which were caused by her co-morbids and which gave an indication of the level of support needed in each situation.

It's the whole spiky profile thing, perfectly able in some areas, needs a little support in others, lots of support in others and needs someone else to do others for her.

@Floundery

My 5 year old is being assessed for high functioning ASD in the new year

No he isn’t because it’s no longer in the DSM. He’s being assessed for autistic spectrum condition.

HFA is not “middle class autism” or code fir “my DC is autistic but not like thet or anything”.

Rightly or wrongly, he’s either autistic or he isn’t. Like the OP.

Well said !! 👏👏👏

Some children and adults on the autistic spectrum do have very high IQs, like my ex husband who has an IQ of 160. But he still has plenty of real life problems with relationships etc. The reason we split up was largely due to a communication breakdown even though the two of us were compatible in many ways.

Every person is different same with everyone who is autistic is different.

Some may be extremely intelligent and struggle in other areas of life we shouldn't discount anyone. Theres no need to be rude, explain why people prefer not to hear hfa and move on.

My own child is 10 with limited verbal communication and needs support 24/7 to keep him safe he had asd and a learning disability.

I may have asd ive been referred to be assessed, i do think i do and if so just between me and my son there are some very clear differences.

There are 4 children in my street with asd and some are able to attend mainstream school and go out with friends others are like my son, one is very intelligent for his age. None of that dismisses there struggles they have.

Most parents would take their childrens struggles away (not matter what is causing them) noone goes through the asd assessments hoping for there child to be diagnosed just so they can say they have a child with asd when they don't thats crazy to think that.

EMotion

why hearing so many MN’ers droning on about their super-clever-high-functioning-but-only-just-the-right-amount-of-autistic DC. It insults everyone
That’s interesting you see that
Can I ask what pages this is on ?

I’m a bit shocked actually
No one I know with this is gloating !
And , I don’t tend to discuss this much on MN to be fair

This is very interesting. After doing some research and training in this area, it made me wonder if I maybe on the aquatic spectrum. I scored high on online tests. Looking over the previous links on this thread I do fell like it is me. On the outside I seem to have everything u set control but I do feel exhausted with the effort. I do very much align with the learned behaviour. I remember really struggling with eye contact, speaking to people, making small talk, feeling like I never fit in. There was so much that resonated with me.

Apologies it should say on the autistic spectrum. Autocorrect grr

My DH was diagnosed with autism recently. The whole process took about 18 months and started with a gp visit then referral to a local charity run autism centre for a full assessment. This involved several meetings with care professionals for him, alongside separate 2 hour meetings with a care professional and me; plus a meeting with a care professional and his mother (exploring behaviour in early years). All the notes were combined and discussed with a group of professionals who agreed with confidence that he had autism without a learning difficulty. This was all free via the nhs (we are in Scotland). As a result of the diagnosis he could avail of the support courses offered by the centre. They also have social groups but he has not explored this. The diagnosis has been helpful for him, and given him confidence to be himself, but I'm disappointed it has not really improved relationship/communication challenges.

@OffCycling

Watch Sarah Hendrickx on YouTube. She's brilliant.

@OffCycling Thank you so much for this. I have watched so far and it is so helpful.

@Floundery

Exactly *@Itsnotover* - but also IQ tells you next to nothing, which is why hearing so many MN’ers droning on about their super-clever-high-functioning-but-only-just-the-right-amount-of-autistic DC. It insults everyone.

FWIW my DS IQ is 154. He memorized the entire Underground map well before he turned four. He finished the Reception reading scheme while still in pre-prep. Can he tie his shoes or wipe his own arse? Nope. Can he go on a plane without meltdown or eat more than 5 (beige) things? Also nope. So if you just use a NT idea of “function” you completely ignore the fact that he may well never live independently and dismiss the very real struggles that autistic people face.

I couldn't agree more.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

why hearing so many MN’ers droning on about their super-clever-high-functioning-but-only-just-the-right-amount-of-autistic DC. It insults everyone That’s interesting you see that Can I ask what pages this is on ?

I’m a bit shocked actually
No one I know with this is gloating !
And , I don’t tend to discuss this much on MN to be fair

The reason (I think) that people take issue with the stuff around IQ is that it's often said by parents who struggle to accept that their child may have a disability and they feel the need to mention their high IQ or 'giftedness' because they think that means that they will be 'like NT' people and will not be someone who has a disability.

The reality, of course is that such people often struggle in other areas of their lives.

The need to set a child apart from 'most autistic people' comes from ableism in society. It's certainly not an approach that will benefit any child, least of all the child with the high IQ.

The need to set a child apart from 'most autistic people' comes from ableism in society. It's certainly not an approach that will benefit any child, least of all the child with the high IQ.

I totally agree. Something I never share is how intelligent DS18 is, but for the purposes of this thread he has a very high IQ. He is currently at university but he lives at home because he is no where near being able to function independently. His journey to university is easy as we live nearby, but I still have to tell him to shower. ensure he has a set of clothes laid out, to remind him to eat and go over a checklist of what he needs in his bag. Academically he is absolutely flying, but he could t go to the corner shop for milk if I asked him. His IQ hasn't made his autism go away. I hate to see threads by parents of very young children acting as if they are savant and being oh so proud - autism is a disability and it's bloody hard to live with.

In addition, these labels come from the professionals originally and I guess the reason they are changing is an acknowledgment that they got it wrong.

My oldest daughter did ABA as a young child. Now, I think I made a mistake. I didn't ever want to make her NT. she was so hard to reach that I just wanted to teach her some basic skills so that she could make choices. At the time, it did 'work' to an extent but it has caused fall out later on.

It was the wrong thing and it has affected her mental health. So thats on me and I have to live with that. But I was in my early 20s, I was trying to help her. I didn't know what I know now. Now that she's older, she doesn't want to be around people at all, much less interact with them. I do think that's partly to do with the ABA stress.

During our ABA years I met many, many parents who were obsessed with the idea of making their children 'indistinguishable from peers'. That mindset has done a lot of damage.

I hope you are proud of yourselves for the crap you have directed at me, because you’ve just made everything seem much more hopeless. Merry fucking Christmas.

I was just responding to a comment made by someone else? Nothing directed at you at all.