Page 3 | Angry at Parents

A580Hojas · 26/12/2021 10:10

Yes, absolutely shoddy behaviour from your parents. I suspect my fil would be like this if left to his own devices ... he is absolutely useless without mil doing everything for him. I feel for your littlw boy! Heck, I feel sorry for my 20 year old daughter after my step mother gave her the most hideous hat, gloves and scarf set I have ever seen!

It's sad when little children are let down by adults.

ddl1 · 26/12/2021 10:15

Your parents may well be generally unhelpful; but I think YABU on this occasion. If your mum has been in hospital for 5 weeks - especially at this time, when hospitals lack space and are trying to discourage unnecessary admissions and long stays - then it must be something fairly serious, even if it isn't life-threatening. Your dad can be excused for not prioritizing presents. Your son can be told that it's a pity that Grandad didn't give him a present this year, but that he was really worried about Granny in hospital, and was very busy doing things for her, and that he did make sure that he came to see his grandson for Christmas. I don't think that your child IS spoiled or entitled - he's 5 after all! - but I think he could eventually become so if the people around him are seen to consider presents more important that looking after someone who's ill PS I do hope your mum is better soon.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 26/12/2021 10:23

However shoddy your dad's behaviour is, I think it's a shame that you're raising your ds to be a dutiful consumer and view Christmas as all about the presents. It's unpleasant and grabby.

harriethoyle · 26/12/2021 10:23

@HeddaGarbled

I cannot get the image of him stood staring at the ground whilst I heard his heart break

I had a bit of sympathy until I read that sentence. What a load of manipulative sentimental clap trap. ‘Heard his heart break’ because he didn’t get one more present? Come on now.

Hahahahaha @HeddaGarbled you win the thread! 😂😂😂😂

NannyOggsWhiskyStash · 26/12/2021 10:26

@ElectraBlue

Come on.

Of course if you are invited to celebrate Christmas where they are young kids, grandchildren in this case, it is expected that you will bring them a present. Doesn't have to be big/expensive...

It is not entitlement it is common courtesy to start with and about wanting to make the kid happy.

If you also can't be bothered to spend any time with the people who invited you and their kids, then stay home.

Seems part of a wider lack of concerns. Being elderly, if you still have your cognitive functions, does not give a free pass to be thoughtless all the time...

This. Of course a 5 year old expects presents on Christmas day! Your dad sounds rather selfish, and if your mum can order furniture from hospital, she could certainly order a child's Christmas gift. Are they always like this?

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2021 10:27

@NigellaBangBangTurkey

It seems obvious to me that if you know you'll be sharing Christmas with a child - any child, could be the neighbours grandkid you've never met before, you bring them a gift. Even if it was just small. How could you not?

Quite. That's what Selection boxes were designed for!

LetHimHaveIt · 26/12/2021 10:30

Yeah, you're overselling this a bit. Your heart didn't break because he said 'Why has Grandpa gone home?' - it broke because he said 'Why didn't I get a present?' I agree your parents sound shitty, but I think your son will be fine.

yourestandingonmyneck · 26/12/2021 10:37

@HippyMoon

This website is FILLED with threads of grown adults getting shit gifts for family members who they bought well thought out gifts for, and an actual 5 year old is spoiled for getting upset when he was excited at the idea of gift exchanging with his grandad?! Come the fuck on.

I know. People on here just love to stick the boot in.

In this case to a 5 yo who didn't get a Christmas present from a grandparent who was at his house on Christmas Day

OP, your dad behaved like a shit. Obviously depends on how your relationship is generally but id be asking what he was playing at treating a little boy like that at Christmas.

sst1234 · 26/12/2021 10:40

OP your issues with your parents may be whatever. Don’t make this about a 5 years old’s heart breaking over not getting a present. Children’s hearts do not break over not getting a present. Especially if they have other presents.

Twaddle1982 · 26/12/2021 10:46

@DimlowChips

DS is certainly not spoiled. He is very thoughtful, explained to us that he wanted to make individual presents for nanny and grandad as nanny is in hospital and would be able to share. DS was so excited to GIVE his gift to grandad.

And there are a number of important lesson to teach him. A, that giving a gift is a joy and an absolute act. No one needs to reciprocate your gift. B, that if you no longer experience joy in giving someone a gift (ie you feel taking advantage of, neglected etc) then you never give them another one.

LadyNell · 26/12/2021 10:47

People saying no one is entitled to a present, this a little boy and his grandad the OP has hosted lunch and provided transport its pretty mean not to even get the grandchild a little something .I woukdnt dream of turning up empty handed if someone had been nice enough to include me. I wouldn't be bothering next time op they sound like selfish takers

StFrancisdeCompostela · 26/12/2021 10:52

I don’t think it’s an issue of 5yo entitlement. Of course he’s entitled - literally what 5 year old isn’t? Of course he wanted a present! Totally normal for a 5yo to want a present.

The issue I have is OP’s melodramatic pronouncements about audible heartbreak when she could have been very calm and compassionate about her mother having a very extended stay in hospital.

TowandaForever · 26/12/2021 10:52

@DimlowChips

DS is certainly not spoiled. He is very thoughtful, explained to us that he wanted to make individual presents for nanny and grandad as nanny is in hospital and would be able to share. DS was so excited to GIVE his gift to grandad.

But he still needs to learn you don't give to receive.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 26/12/2021 10:54

Honestly if that’s how they are why do people expect people to change just because it’s Christmas. I’ve a difficult relationship with my relatives just not interested in spending time with us . I’ve seen my dm before Christmas but when arranging to meet up it was I’ll see you in the new year . Very brief text off siblings which I initiated but Im not surprised as no effort made throughout the year , why I don’t know they just want to do their thing I suppose . Spend Christmas with the people that want to see you and don’t let it get you down . Im sorry that your dc was sad that’s hard to deal with .

TowandaForever · 26/12/2021 10:59

To me an adult being disappointed in their inappropriate gift or lack of gifts from a partner is very different from a child who will have had lots of gifts not getting one more.

tara66 · 26/12/2021 11:05

My opinion is -
The child gave the GP presents and card so naturally expected something back.
GF should give something to his 5 yr. old GS at Christmas anyway.
GF came to child's house Christmas day - what? - present less? Very bad form.
You should tell GF how you and child feel and if he doesn't produce something perhaps you could do so instead?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 26/12/2021 11:07

Some of these answers are bordering on vile

Your son is not grabby or entitled .

He didn't hurl at your Dad "Why didn;t you buy me anything" ? He kept his inner hurt inside till he was safe with you andd let it out . Unfortunately the answer of "Well your Grandparents are known for being freeloaders who don't bother about anyone or anthing but quite happy to wander over for a free meal" wouldn't be what trips off your tongue.
My dad cannot be bothered with any aspect of life, he has never had any interests.. seriously nothing.We invited him over today for Christmas which he accepted. My mum and dad are always happy to get something for nothing

Yes your Dad could've bought him some sweets
Tes your Mum could;ve ordered something while she was buying her furniture online .

Your DS will know his schoolmates will be getting presents from Grandparents (if they saw them)

Gift of time is good , better than a gift instead of . But if he isn't interested , did he spent time with him?

I agree loads of "DH bought me XYZ" and the answers are "Wow he doesn;t know you at ALL time to re think/LTB" makes me

My PIL don;t send anything to my DC , not even an 18th or a 21st card , no Christmas . Luckily mine are used to it and don;t expect anuthing .
And no I didn;t have my DH phone them. If I gave a shit , I could've phoned my PIL to say "Oh did you know it was Billys 18th on Friday"

thetinsoldier · 26/12/2021 11:07

If you have a tricky relationship with your parents, then you need to manage your DS's expectations about them. I agree with others that not spending time with him is the main issue, not gifts.

Why didn't you talk to your dad to set expectations about gifts today? Ie ' let's not bother with gifts'? That would have solved things.

You may benefit from counselling to resolve your feelings about your parents.

papayaorange · 26/12/2021 11:08

We invited him over today for Christmas which he accepted. My mum and dad are always happy to get something for nothing.

Its Christmas lunch and he is your dad!

thetinsoldier · 26/12/2021 11:09

Btw your little boy sounds lovely and emotionally intelligent. You can bolster that by exchanging gifts with him and showing him appreciation for all the kind things he does, even if your parents don't.

papayaorange · 26/12/2021 11:12

@DimlowChips

Firstly I would like to wish you all a Merry Christmas.

This is my first post here and I wanted your opinions.

My mum has been in hospital for the past 5 weeks (non life threatening)
My dad cannot be bothered with any aspect of life, he has never had any interests.. seriously nothing.
We invited him over today for Christmas which he accepted. My mum and dad are always happy to get something for nothing.

After lunch my dad decided to go home.
My DS who is 5 stood by the sofa after his grandad left and heartbreakingly asked why grandad didn’t give him a present. My DS adores his grandparents and they cannot be bothered with him.
I have a tricky relationship with both parents.
For information my mum has her iPad in hospital and is ordering furniture for an upcoming house move. So either of them could have arranged a gift.
My DS gave them both handmade gifts and cards and we also gave them gifts.
I feel so let down by them on my DS’s behalf. He would have been happy with a tube of bloody smarties!

I cannot get the image of him stood staring at the ground whilst I heard his heart break.

You say you invited him over for Christmas and your mum and dad are always happy to get something for nothing! What a strange sentence when its your dad, Christmas lunch and you invited him!

Summersnake · 26/12/2021 11:17

Bit grabby op
Your mum is in hospital
Your dad has more important things to worry about than buying gifts .
You have nothing to moan about
He got gifts ..no harm done

Antiquestuff · 26/12/2021 11:18

Let's get this right. This is about you and your relationship with your parents. Don't saddle your child with the same.
You know your parents and what they're like so set his expectations accordingly and stop setting him up for disappointment.

Porcupineintherough · 26/12/2021 11:24

Pretty sure it's possible to worry and buy a box off chocolates at the same time @Summersnake. This site is full of people who are worried about someone who are still managing to care for their loved ones at the same time.

How much more likely is it that the OP's father is a selfish man who has never had the responsibility of buying a present for anyone in the wider family and, because his wife isnt there to sort it, doesnt for one moment think he might need to step up?

I'd also say that the OP has probably put up with poor behaviour from her parents for years, but is only waking up to how not ok it is now she's seeing the pattern repeated on her son.

Suzanne999 · 26/12/2021 11:27

@HeddaGarbled

I cannot get the image of him stood staring at the ground whilst I heard his heart break

I had a bit of sympathy until I read that sentence. What a load of manipulative sentimental clap trap. ‘Heard his heart break’ because he didn’t get one more present? Come on now.

It’s not just the lack of a physical present that would upset the little lad, it’s the fact that his grandad didn’t care enough to bring something, to be happy to see his grandson open something he’d bought and join in the excitement of it.

My parents were the same with my two girls, their only grandchildren. They were so wrapped up in themselves, only interested in what they were doing.