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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He just broke my heart

51 replies

Mikki77 · 25/12/2021 18:30

Our daughter died 5 years ago just before Christmas. Since then every Christmas he buys me a silver bauble/ornament (her favourite) for the tree. This year he forgot. Its broken my heart. Just tell me I'm being ridiculous. He said he forgot...

OP posts:
PyjamaFan · 25/12/2021 18:32

You're definitely not being ridiculous OP.

Flowers
Topseyt · 25/12/2021 18:33

You're not being ridiculous. The little things are important.

WhoppingBigBackside · 25/12/2021 18:33

Sorry about your loss. He forgot. It doesn't mean he forgot your daughter or you.
You're not being ridiculous. It's understandable that you are hurt.
Flowers

alphabetsoup1980 · 25/12/2021 18:38

You are absolutely not being ridiculous!! But neither is he to blame. Sending lots of love on what must be a really difficult day xxx

BlackCatz · 25/12/2021 18:41

You're not being ridiculous, but I also wouldn't blame him.

notacooldad · 25/12/2021 18:42

My first thought is that you are angry at your Dh and using his forgetfulness as a deflection from your feelings of loss.
I am so sorry for tbe loss of your Dd and believe me I understand the feelings of grief.

CarrieBlue · 25/12/2021 18:42

You’re not being ridiculous but an ornament can be bought any time and still mean the same. Much love to you xx

Ohyesiam · 25/12/2021 18:43

Oh love, I’m so so sorry for your loss. Flowers

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/12/2021 18:43

You’re not being ridiculous OP- I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

Vanishun · 25/12/2021 18:48

Not ridiculous as such, but equally, it's not something to blame him over or be angry at.

Maybe a new tradition starts here - where you look for one jointly together?

Thedogscollar · 25/12/2021 18:52

I cannot imagine in a million years your grief for your little girl.

He may have forgotten the bauble but I'm sure he will never forget her.

Please tell him how you feel though OP. Communication is everything. Flowers

Starcup · 25/12/2021 19:03

Aww OP, you’re not being ridiculous, but try not to be angry at him. The fact he forgot to get the bauble certainly doesn’t mean he’s forgotten your precious daughter. Men often don’t place as much sentimental value in things as we do so to you it’s a significant thing, to him it’s something that makes you happy and he wants to make you happy but this year perhaps he got side tracked with the civid situation, wasn’t as organised etc…

Anyway, hope you’re ok 💗💞

Leeds2 · 25/12/2021 19:05

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

If it’s any consolation, despite his blustering, I expect your DH is mortified.

GatoradeMeBitch · 25/12/2021 19:08

You are not being ridiculous.

Maybe it's time to adjust the tradition and from now on the two of you could pick out the silver ornament together. Maybe make it a special trip, like going to Liberty's or another really nice shop?

BlackSwan · 25/12/2021 19:11

I'm so sorry for your loss. Who knows what was going through his head - perhaps he didn't appreciate how important it was to you to keep her memory alive by this small gesture.

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BootySOS · 25/12/2021 19:14

So very sorry for your loss.
He didn't forget you or your DD. It is a shame he forgot the gift this year though and I'd be sad about that too.

Original poster
Mikki77 · 25/12/2021 19:16

Thank you, thank you
thank you everyone for your kind words.
The simple fact is he did just forget, he doesn't miss her any less. I just feel a bit broken by it all. 💔

OP posts:
SunsetandCupcakes · 25/12/2021 19:17

Firstly Flowers for you and then secondly Flowers for your dh.

I'm slightly further down the road, every year we decorate my dc grave with a Christmas tree and lights, this year I couldn't. I just couldn't. Grief is so hard and so personally for everyone that is going through it, it doesn't mean that he has forgotten or he doesn't care. I do understand why it is hard for you, and not minimising your pain.

BlackCatz · 25/12/2021 19:17

@BlackSwan

I'm so sorry for your loss. Who knows what was going through his head - perhaps he didn't appreciate how important it was to you to keep her memory alive by this small gesture.
Or he genuinely forgot?

Why immediately demonise someone 🤷🏻‍♀️

SunshineCake1 · 25/12/2021 19:17

You aren't being ridiculous to be sad but I'm sure he didn't do it on purpose. Your heart is already broken when you lose a child. Don't bring more pain on yourself for something that doesn't matter as much right now as remembering your lovely dd. Flowers

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/12/2021 19:17

So sorry this happened to you. You aren’t being ridiculous but people do forget things. Perhaps you could go out for a meal she liked in the NY?

DDivaStar · 25/12/2021 19:18

I can see why you are upset, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm sure your husband is also upset that he has forgotten this isn't a reflection on how much he cares for you or misses your daughter. He is human, not perfect.