He just broke my heart

[Mikki77]

Our daughter died 5 years ago just before Christmas. Since then every Christmas he buys me a silver bauble/ornament (her favourite) for the tree. This year he forgot. Its broken my heart. Just tell me I'm being ridiculous. He said he forgot...

I’m so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I can only imagine how hard times like Christmas must be and how you’d found some comfort in your DH’s honouring her each year. You must have feel such grief and disappointment. I’m sure he feels just awful as well. I agree starting a new tradition where you get it together might be helpful. You’d feel a tiny bit of control and know that she’s also still part of your Christmas, which of course she is, as she’s still your daughter and part of your life every day.

@StopGo

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If that is truly your first though after reading the OP them you need to step away from MN as you are devoid of any human empathy. How very sad on this say of all days.

BlackCatz I'm not demonising anyone. People grieve in their own way.

Could you both go shopping for it this year? I have a little tree in our hallway I decorate with some pink baubles for the daughter we lost, would something like that work for you?

I'm so sorry for your loss. Perhaps you could go out and choose one together when the shops open again? {flowers]

Sometimes these traditions start and after a while
maintaining them can add to the original trauma. Neither of you will ever forget your daughter or feel her loss less, but maybe talk to him to see if this is something he really wants to do for the rest of your lives or whether there is an alternative form of remembrance that he'd prefer.

YANBU, but it's maybe too difficult a ritual for him.

So sorry OP, sending my love xx

You're not being ridiculous at all, and so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Don't be cross at him though, I'm sure he didn't mean to break your already broken heart.... he just forgot x

My thoughts go out to you for your loss.

You grieve in your own way, there's nothing wrong with being upset that he forgot. But he's also grieving in his own way, too. So forgive him. Hug each other, shed some tears, remember your lost one. And just love each other a little 'harder' today.

I am so sorry for your loss xxxx

He might have forgot, but also maybe it isn’t a way that he wants to mark every year. You are not being ridiculous, but you are putting the onus on him for you having a tradition in honour of your daughter. I think you should let him remember her in his own way, find something for you to do for you or something that you do together, rather than he has to do for you.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter .

You poor darling. I’m so so sorry. Definitely go and get one tomorrow. I saw an absolutely stunning one in Swarovski yesterday. A silver tinted crystal snowflake. Love to you & your chap xxx

I am so sorry. You qre nor being ridiculous, but like others says, he hasn't really done anything bad either.

I am just so sorry you are in pain

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. What was your favourite memory of your DD? What did you and she enjoy doing together?

YANBU to be upset but please both of you be kind to each other, you’re both going through the same awful grief. Maybe you can choose one together this year?

I'm so sorry too OP. I'm sure he just forgot the ornament and not your precious daughter at all. The world is so very upside down still.
This is the year you get to chose one. Go out tomorrow or sit back a pick something special online tonight.
Next year pick one together.

YANBU at all OP, but neither is he.

Be kind to yourselves

YANBU but neither is he.
Grieve for your DD but don't make your DH responsible for managing your feelings. Maybe next year choose something together so you can both remember her as you choose it?

I’m so sorry for you loss. Turn it into a positive and move the tradition to you both choosing a bauble together. Then it’s a shared moment and special time together remembering your daughter.

Bauble or not, neither you or your husband will ever forget your daughter.
l have stopped doing some of the traditions around the time of my husbands death, it doesnt mean l have forgotton him,.or l feel any less for him, if anything its because l know these feelings have become part of me, and for me is enough.
We all grieve differently, there is no right or wrong way, l have witnessed both of my sons grieve very differently for their Dad, and its so important l allow them to do so.
l am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, it must be an incredibly difficult time. Kindest wishes to you both.

@Aprilx

He might have forgot, but also maybe it isn’t a way that he wants to mark every year. You are not being ridiculous, but you are putting the onus on him for you having a tradition in honour of your daughter. I think you should let him remember her in his own way, find something for you to do for you or something that you do together, rather than he has to do for you.

I agree with this. In the gentlest possible way do you really want a bauble every year for as long as you live? If you do maybe you could choose together or for yourself? You need to talk to your DH, maybe it was a thoughtful gesture the first year that just became a task to him.

People cope with loss in different ways. It may be that he just can't cope with this tradition - it may be just too painful for him.

Buying a remembrance bauble may help you but be an act that makes him relive the tragedy - and he isn't able to repeatedly endure it.

It's like visiting a grave . It helps some people but others just can't bear it. You may have to respect his private way of coping (whatever it is.)