Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told to return gift as unwanted

62 replies

Ihavenoideawhereitis · 25/12/2021 18:29

For the second year my dm has told me she doesn't like what I bought her and I should return it or keep it for myself.
It's just rude isn't it? Why not just say thanks and keep it or give it to charity without telling me. This has annoyed me a lot. Does anyone else do this?
AIBU to be annoyed that she feels the need to tell me my gift was shit?

OP posts:
NynaeveSedai · 25/12/2021 18:29

YANBU :(

Notmrsfitz · 25/12/2021 18:32

YANBU but I think I’d be inclined to ask her what she wants in future for gifts as she clearly isn’t happy with your choice.

MrsBaublesDylan · 25/12/2021 18:32

You wbu to buy her a gift this year after last year's reaction.

Telll her next year that you've skipped the part where she is disappointed and just bought yourself something instead.

Original poster
Ihavenoideawhereitis · 25/12/2021 18:35

I did ask her what she wanted. I bought that but it was really cheap and so I got her something else to go with it. Which she doesn't want. It's made me unnecessarily annoyed all day.

OP posts:
TheOpenRoad · 25/12/2021 18:41

YABU. It's not a big deal to return or exchange a gift. She doesn't want you to waste your money.

HerRoyalNotness · 25/12/2021 18:42

Should have stuck with the cheap gift. That’s what she asked for.

I’ve had to tell H to take something back. One of my 2 presents. It’s something you’d buy your nana that grows prize roses. It cost a lot, he tried to make me feel bad because he and the D.C. chose it together. But I know it won’t get used and I asked for nothing this year as I don’t want any more stuff! I did say sorry, he’s in a huff about it.

coochyboochy · 25/12/2021 18:46

What was it?

Original poster
Ihavenoideawhereitis · 25/12/2021 18:47

Your dc chose a gift for you and you told them to take it back because you don't want it? No wonder your dh is not chuffed.

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 25/12/2021 18:48

Interesting that there’s a post elsewhere here from someone whose DP bought something she doesn’t like and yet the DP is considered to be in the wrong….

Just ban the bloody concept of gift giving, nobody’s ever happy.

CoastalWave · 25/12/2021 18:50

It's your mum.

Anyone else, I would say that's rude. If your own MUM can't tell you, there's a problem!

She's trying to save you money. You sound like if she had given it to charity, you'd be pissed off with that as well (looking for the present, not seen it, where is it etc)

MadameFantabulosa · 25/12/2021 18:52

My mother is like this. Last year I gave her a new book by one of her favourite authors - she said it sounded “silly”, and handed it back to me. She also didn’t want the chocolates either, as there were some white ones in the box and she doesn’t like white chocolate. The flowers were “shit” as well as she only likes pink flowers and they were a mix of pink and white. This year she got something she won’t like, that probably won’t fit her, with a gift receipt from M & S. I can’t just give her a voucher as she doesn’t like these either. You have my sympathy!

Original poster
Ihavenoideawhereitis · 25/12/2021 18:52

I won't say exactly what but along the lines of buying a kindle for someone who reads books. So not what she is used to but something that she would use. Or something that she could just say thanks for and never mention again if she doesn't want it

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavenoideawhereitis · 25/12/2021 18:54

Where did I say that I would be pissed off if she gave it to charity. That's the absolute opposite of what I said.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavenoideawhereitis · 25/12/2021 19:03

@MadameFantabulosa

My mother is like this. Last year I gave her a new book by one of her favourite authors - she said it sounded “silly”, and handed it back to me. She also didn’t want the chocolates either, as there were some white ones in the box and she doesn’t like white chocolate. The flowers were “shit” as well as she only likes pink flowers and they were a mix of pink and white. This year she got something she won’t like, that probably won’t fit her, with a gift receipt from M & S. I can’t just give her a voucher as she doesn’t like these either. You have my sympathy!
I shouldn't laugh at this but I did. I feel your pain.
OP posts:
NellieBertram · 25/12/2021 19:21

If she's done it two years in a row then I think she's giving you a clear message - she doesn't want gifts. Just get her the thing she's asked for or nothing!

Theunamedcat · 25/12/2021 19:28

Just buy her a card

altiara · 25/12/2021 19:31

I’d be annoyed but mumsnet does encourage people to try and say something nicely to the giver so they don’t waste their money. So don’t be too annoyed, just take her word for it if she just wants what she said.

Maybe agree no presents next year and buy tickets together to do something instead?

LemonViolet · 25/12/2021 19:31

Why would you want someone to lie to you though?

My DP bought me a jacket a while ago that I knew I would never wear. It was a sweet thought (had a logo from a tv show we were watching together) but I knew it would be a complete waste of money to keep and it was expensive. So I thanked him for the thoughtfulness and the idea but we returned it. No biggie. Why would you want to waste your money on something she doesn’t like and won’t use? I think your offence here is more upset that you got it wrong tbh. Gift giving isn’t about you as the giver. Otherwise you’re not giving a gift you’re giving an obligation to please you with their response.

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 25/12/2021 19:33

I’m sorry op, it hurts when you’ve made an effort and it’s met with a dismissive response.

BeLessMe · 25/12/2021 19:35

@TheOpenRoad

YABU. It's not a big deal to return or exchange a gift. She doesn't want you to waste your money.
This. It would be a waste to just keep it if she doesn’t want it/can’t use it.
UnsuitableHat · 25/12/2021 19:42

Bit blunt of her to return a gift but at least now you know not to deviate from exactly what she asks for.

friedeggandsauce · 25/12/2021 19:44

I once had to ask dh to return a shirt, it was from joules and expensive but I would never have warn it. Thankfully we made a real joke of if (and he knows only to buy me some nice bamboo socks from now on).

Sorry she hurt your feelings, I think just but cheap and what she wants from now on

VanGoghsDog · 25/12/2021 19:48

@Ihavenoideawhereitis

I won't say exactly what but along the lines of buying a kindle for someone who reads books. So not what she is used to but something that she would use. Or something that she could just say thanks for and never mention again if she doesn't want it
I know it's not actually a kindle, but that's an odd thing to assume someone would use. My mum was going on holiday and moaning about how heavy books were to pack, so I posted my spare Kindle to her, loaded with books. She posted it back.
Musicalmaestro · 25/12/2021 19:58

My mother has done this for years, so I just buy something useful e.g. towels. At least if she gives them back to me I can use them rather than have the hassle of returning them.

camperqueen54 · 25/12/2021 20:01

I can't stand it when people do this. It's an aggressive act. If someone doesn't like your present they should take it to the charity shop on the quiet.