Told to return gift as unwanted

[Ihavenoideawhereitis]

For the second year my dm has told me she doesn't like what I bought her and I should return it or keep it for myself.
It's just rude isn't it? Why not just say thanks and keep it or give it to charity without telling me. This has annoyed me a lot. Does anyone else do this?
AIBU to be annoyed that she feels the need to tell me my gift was shit?

So if they turn up with presents you stand firm. That is a lovely gesture but as we agreed to not do presents this year I haven't got anything for you, pop your coats off and I'll put the kettle on.

If they moan at getting nothing just keep reminding them you had all agreed to not do presents.

Next year ask her again what she would like. Buy that and only that. If it is cheap then so be it. Stop bothering with thinking.

The only time I have asked to return gifts have been when they have been very expensive and unusable - but then only if I thought they could be returned /exchanged. If not I've quietly charity shopped them.

One year I got my Mum a hamper from Fortnum’s, plus a plant that I knew she would like for her garden. She complained that she didn’t have anything to unwrap. I think I am not going to win, regardless.

I think it’s rude if you are forcing your gift and taste on someone, rather than the other way round. You should want the recipient to be pleased with what you’ve chosen, even if it does mean you have to go to the effort of taking it back.
Can’t bear the waste and why should people lie. I want an honest relationship with people. Trust is of utmost importance to me. I don’t want lying involved, over big or little things.

We don't do adult presents any more, partly for this reason.

Although saying that, there is one friend where I keep getting a similar style of product that is nice, but I never use. I made the mistake of not being honest the first time, and now years later, it’s far too late to say anything. What a waste

@TheOpenRoad

YABU. It's not a big deal to return or exchange a gift. She doesn't want you to waste your money.

There are ways of telling people though.

In future, OP, give her what she's asked for and if it's cheap look at it as a bonus for you!

@RandomUsernameHere

I wouldn't mind this at all, my DMum told me (very nicely) that the present I got her for her birthday wasn't something she would really use, so I returned it. It was nearly £200 so I'm glad she didn't just give it away! We have a very open relationship, I would do the same if I was given something I didn't like. It's better than wasting it. It's a bit different with someone you don't know very well, but with people you're very close to it's better to be honest.

Out of interest, isn't £200 a lot to spend on someone if you're not sure they'll like it?

Then two days before Christmas my dm turned up with presents from everyone. So that I looked like an arse. So I had to go out and buy last minute gifts for them all

That was your mistake - it was her who looked like an arse. You should have stuck to your guns. Try again next year.

I remember having an argument in the early days with my ex - he wanted to exchange the present I got him - I can't even remember what it was - and I gave him the receipt and expected him to do it. But he thought I should do it. That was a fun time . I always think it is up to the recipient to go through the hassle if they decide to.

@Ihavenoideawhereitis

I've told her to keep it or charity it as it can't be returned etc, but she will probably dump it on my doorstep like she did last years present and tell me to use it myself.

For those saying agree not to exchange gifts, this is what I have tried before. I told my dm and ds and dB that we wont do Christmas gifts anymore and that we will donate to charity or whatever and we don't want anything ourselves. I told them all well in advance and everyone agreed. Then two days before Christmas my dm turned up with presents from everyone. So that I looked like an arse. So I had to go out and buy last minute gifts for them all.

Sorry to all on this thread who also get told their gifts are crap and unwanted x

I told everyone this year that I wasn't doing gifts. I didn't tell them they they weren't, it's up to them what they do. You don't give to receive.

So if people give me gifts it's up to them, I told them I wasn't and no way would I rush out and buy some just because they chose to buy them.

I often exchange gifts I'm given (I don't want people to waste money on stuff that'll sit in a cupboard unused) - and my DH and close family know this and always include the gift receipt! It's a good-natured running joke.

I would NEVER put the onus on the giver to return it and exchange it though, that's plain rude.

The last Christmas that my DM was alive, she just wanted Hob Nobs. She got Hob Nobs. She was delighted.