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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil coughing and full of cold

104 replies

greenanorak · 25/12/2021 16:44

They tested negative on LFTs last night but, aibu in being slightly bloody annoyed?

I'm 33 weeks pregnant. To be honest, after a shit winter of illness anyway, regardless of covid, I don't want to catch a cold!

OP posts:
BobMortimersPetOwl · 27/12/2021 10:44

Your MIL is at fault for not telling you beforehand.

But you've stayed put through choice, so you've opted to prioritise appeasing your in-laws over your health and the health of your unborn baby.

So on balance, I'd say you're more in the wrong.

Theyulelog · 27/12/2021 10:53

I’m pregnant and had contact with ml including hugs on Xmas day. She had a cold and tested negative all week. Yesterday she tested positive. I don’t blame you for being extra cautious.

DaggerIsle · 27/12/2021 10:54

I was symptomatic and got a positive LFT. So did 2 DCs of various ages.

WWTBCD · 27/12/2021 10:59

I agree with others that whilst your MIL is to blame for not telling you, you had the choice to leave. If you've prioritised not causing a scene over not catching covid then that's the choice you've made.

I really would have just left again. Yes it's awkward and yes in some families it would have caused a lot of issues but if she couldn't respect us enough to tell us she was ill then she can't expect it back.

Original poster
greenanorak · 27/12/2021 11:10

@Roundeartheratchriatmas

To be honest the main issue here is yours and your husbands inability to stand up for yourselves.

Do you both struggling with boundaries or is it specifically to do with his parents ?

Specifically his parents
OP posts:
Original poster
greenanorak · 27/12/2021 11:11

@BobMortimersPetOwl

Your MIL is at fault for not telling you beforehand.

But you've stayed put through choice, so you've opted to prioritise appeasing your in-laws over your health and the health of your unborn baby.

So on balance, I'd say you're more in the wrong.

Fair enough
OP posts:
Roundeartheratchriatmas · 27/12/2021 11:13

If it’s specifically his parents - have you discussed it ? Are you doing something about it ?

Because currently it seems you’d rather potentially put yourself and your family at risk then upset them which bafffles me.

Original poster
greenanorak · 27/12/2021 11:19

@Roundeartheratchriatmas

If it’s specifically his parents - have you discussed it ? Are you doing something about it ?

Because currently it seems you’d rather potentially put yourself and your family at risk then upset them which bafffles me.

It's an ongoing issue over the last 8 years. It's enough for another thread!
OP posts:
Lookjaz · 27/12/2021 11:25

The are colds going around not everything is covid

SpiderFluff · 27/12/2021 11:35

@Lookjaz

The are colds going around not everything is covid
I think there was a study just before christmas that said if you had a cold there was a 50% chance it was actually covid.
CheeryTreeBlossom · 27/12/2021 11:48

Even the colds right now can be awful. DD brought one home from nursery when I was 38 weeks this autumn.
She got a fever so we did a PCR, but it wasn't covid.
However we all caught it and it was brutal.
As I was pregnant I couldn't take anything decent to counteract the symptoms, just paracetamol and saltwater sprays. I felt awful, it spread to my sinuses and then an ear infection. I couldn't hear out of my right ear properly for 3 weeks after and I'm convinced it's also why DD2 was so overdue, DD1 had been early but my body just couldn't face going into labour that sick!

Please prioritise yourself and your baby and not other people's feelings.

Original poster
greenanorak · 27/12/2021 12:11

@Lookjaz

The are colds going around not everything is covid
Yeah of course...
OP posts:
Original poster
greenanorak · 27/12/2021 12:13

We're home and got ourselves PCRs on the way home. Apparently results are taking 3-4 days at the moment.

OP posts:
Original poster
greenanorak · 27/12/2021 12:14

@CheeryTreeBlossom

Even the colds right now can be awful. DD brought one home from nursery when I was 38 weeks this autumn. She got a fever so we did a PCR, but it wasn't covid. However we all caught it and it was brutal. As I was pregnant I couldn't take anything decent to counteract the symptoms, just paracetamol and saltwater sprays. I felt awful, it spread to my sinuses and then an ear infection. I couldn't hear out of my right ear properly for 3 weeks after and I'm convinced it's also why DD2 was so overdue, DD1 had been early but my body just couldn't face going into labour that sick!

Please prioritise yourself and your baby and not other people's feelings.

I've had all this too. Two colds that both lead to separate sinus and ear infections. I've been ill in one way or another since middle of sept.

It's rough this year!

OP posts:
Original poster
greenanorak · 28/12/2021 08:39

Tests are negative so we're in trouble for making a drama now

OP posts:
TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 08:41

@greenanorak

Tests are negative so we're in trouble for making a drama now
I hate this bit of it. It's like I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T COVID and they get all funny about it.
Original poster
greenanorak · 28/12/2021 08:44

Exactly. It's exhausting.

Only get a few days off and this is what my mind is occupied with!

OP posts:
2022willbebetter · 28/12/2021 08:47

Doesn't matter if it's not Covid. You don't want to be ill regardless of what the bug is called. Crazy that they expected you to stay when they were unwell.
Ignore them and enjoy the rest of your break from work.

user1471462428 · 28/12/2021 08:48

My mum had flu in later stages of pregnancy with my brother and was hospitalised. My brother had illnesses directly attributed to that illness and died in infancy. It goes against nature not to protect your child.

Spaghettipie1 · 28/12/2021 08:59

@Holly60

I’m going slightly against the grain and saying it’s just a cold. If they tested yesterday I wouldn’t be so worried, even at 33 weeks pregnant. Colds are common and you are probably exposed to them all over the place.

Just ask her not to get to close to you and cough into a clean tissue every time.

No one knows when it's "just a cold". That's the whole point. They estimate 50% of people who think they have a cold right now actually have Covid. (Info from Tim Spector of the Zoe Covid study).
Maelstrom23 · 28/12/2021 09:02

@greenanorak

Tests are negative so we're in trouble for making a drama now
Your MIL is a weirdo, you need to recognise that and stop letting it preoccupy your thoughts.
spotcheck · 28/12/2021 09:04

@MrsOvertonsWindow

OP - you're heavily pregnant - you must protect yourself and your baby - not your MIL's feelings.
From a cold?
CasperGutman · 28/12/2021 09:12

@Palavah This is from the main gov.uk testing page.

Yes, the LFTs work on sick people and not just on the healthy, but the point is that they are quick-and-dirty screening tests. They give too many false negatives to be useful for excluding COVID as the cause of symptoms in a sick person. They're especially bad when done at home by untrained people on themselves (or on scared and uncooperative children).

The lack of awareness of the different intended uses of the test types is an absolute indictment of the standard of public information communication in this country during the pandemic.

The value of the LFT is in identifying a proportion of individuals with symptomless COVID and removing them from circulation. Even health professionals sometimes misunderstand how the tests are meant to be used.

I think the problem started when the tests were referred to publicly as "lateral flow" and "polymerase chain reaction" tests. These terms are meaningless to 99% of people. As popular names they're as much help as calling them "Type 9376-A" and "Type 15467-k" tests. Why weren't they referred to by names that reflected the intended use, like "healthy person tests" and "symptom check tests" or something?

Mil coughing and full of cold
Cheetosyummy · 28/12/2021 09:13

This happened to me some years ago.
I was pregnant and we drove 2.5 hrs to in -laws for Xmas only to see all of them had a bad cold including another elderly who was there.
We left an hour later very pissed off.

Original poster
greenanorak · 28/12/2021 09:18

@2022willbebetter

Doesn't matter if it's not Covid. You don't want to be ill regardless of what the bug is called. Crazy that they expected you to stay when they were unwell. Ignore them and enjoy the rest of your break from work.
Exactly my point! Plus the added paranoia/wondering whether it was covid, didn't make for a relaxed Christmas.

I have a sore throat now as it happened

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